1
00:00:00,706 --> 00:00:05,889
- Sync and corrections by ByDem -
- www.addic7ed.com -

2
00:00:07,824 --> 00:00:10,000
Sorry, little dudes,
we're gonna be here a while.

3
00:00:10,011 --> 00:00:12,335
A truck broke down, and the cops
are taking their sweet time

4
00:00:12,346 --> 00:00:14,004
clearing it up.

5
00:00:14,015 --> 00:00:16,757
He thinks my tummy is a mountain.

6
00:00:16,824 --> 00:00:18,958
Lou, Lou, quick, take a selfie.

7
00:00:19,044 --> 00:00:20,802
It's not a selfie if I take it.

8
00:00:20,879 --> 00:00:22,688
He's kissing me.

9
00:00:22,765 --> 00:00:24,681
Take a selfie! Take a selfie!

10
00:00:24,692 --> 00:00:27,434
Oh, man, my phone's dead.

11
00:00:27,511 --> 00:00:29,194
Milhouse, what am I missing
in the group text?

12
00:00:29,271 --> 00:00:30,937
It's awesome.

13
00:00:31,014 --> 00:00:33,032
You're never gonna get caught up.

14
00:00:35,018 --> 00:00:38,445
What kind of jazz you
listening to, stupid or boring?

15
00:00:38,522 --> 00:00:40,539
It's Marc Maron's podcast.

16
00:00:40,616 --> 00:00:43,992
He does cool interviews
with really interesting people.

17
00:00:44,069 --> 00:00:45,994
Lame, lame, don't know him.

18
00:00:46,071 --> 00:00:47,954
Lame, lame, don't know her.

19
00:00:48,031 --> 00:00:50,507
Loudon Wainwright, lame, lame.

20
00:00:51,140 --> 00:00:53,703
This guy interviewed Krusty?

21
00:00:53,728 --> 00:00:58,891
Yeah. Hey, no, aw,
that's my ear bu... Ew.

22
00:00:58,967 --> 00:01:00,342
It's yours now.

23
00:01:00,418 --> 00:01:03,100
Wow. That's incredible, Krusty.

24
00:01:03,125 --> 00:01:04,856
I mean, really, I'm blown away.

25
00:01:04,881 --> 00:01:07,641
Yeah, well, it's true.
It's absolutely true.

26
00:01:07,717 --> 00:01:10,670
I have a phobia... of pies.

27
00:01:10,695 --> 00:01:13,772
That's so crazy because,
I mean, we've all seen you get

28
00:01:13,849 --> 00:01:16,045
hit in the face with pies on your show.

29
00:01:16,070 --> 00:01:19,389
No, no, no, those are cakes
decorated as pies.

30
00:01:19,414 --> 00:01:23,060
Oh, right, so that's how you
make yourself feel safe.

31
00:01:23,085 --> 00:01:25,929
It's not the crust; it's the fillings.

32
00:01:25,954 --> 00:01:27,982
Krusty, I got to ask you
about something,

33
00:01:28,007 --> 00:01:30,130
and-and I don't want you
to get defensive,

34
00:01:30,165 --> 00:01:31,924
but it's something
you've never talked about.

35
00:01:32,000 --> 00:01:35,085
Can you tell me about
The Sands of Space?

36
00:01:35,096 --> 00:01:37,981
Oh, no. That's off-limits, soul patch!

37
00:01:38,006 --> 00:01:39,932
We could talk about
the exploding milkshakes

38
00:01:40,008 --> 00:01:41,124
in your Laffy Meals.

39
00:01:41,126 --> 00:01:43,100
Did they ever find those kids' noses?

40
00:01:43,125 --> 00:01:46,179
Okay, okay, I'll tell you about
The Sands of Space,

41
00:01:46,256 --> 00:01:49,933
the movie that almost consumed my soul.

42
00:01:51,222 --> 00:01:52,779
Yeah, yeah, keep talking.

43
00:01:52,804 --> 00:01:54,521
I'm just feeding the cats.

44
00:01:54,598 --> 00:01:58,066
It all began back in
the golden age of Hollywood,

45
00:01:58,143 --> 00:02:02,237
the late 1980s,
when high concept was king.

46
00:02:02,314 --> 00:02:04,865
You'd mix two kooky words
together in the title,

47
00:02:04,941 --> 00:02:07,960
put a rap song at the end
that explains the plot,

48
00:02:08,036 --> 00:02:12,455
and bam... you're on the cover
of Premiere magazine.

49
00:02:12,466 --> 00:02:15,250
I had starred in the hit
action buddy comedy

50
00:02:15,327 --> 00:02:16,850
Good Cop, Dog Cop,

51
00:02:16,875 --> 00:02:19,796
where I played a murdered police officer

52
00:02:19,807 --> 00:02:23,216
who is reincarnated as his
partner's pet Saint Bernard.

53
00:02:23,293 --> 00:02:27,014
Five smashed squad cars,
100 exploded helicopters,

54
00:02:27,039 --> 00:02:29,248
and the mayor's wife has fleas.

55
00:02:29,273 --> 00:02:31,154
Turn in your badge and your collar.

56
00:02:31,179 --> 00:02:32,929
You're suspended for a month!

57
00:02:32,954 --> 00:02:35,112
For me, that's like seven months.

58
00:02:35,137 --> 00:02:37,045
Dog Cop!

59
00:02:38,683 --> 00:02:40,660
Suddenly, everyone in town

60
00:02:40,685 --> 00:02:42,819
was dying to be in the Krusty business,

61
00:02:42,830 --> 00:02:45,739
and I was dipping shrimp
with all the big talents

62
00:02:45,815 --> 00:02:48,625
I once longed to see fail.

63
00:02:48,650 --> 00:02:52,365
And, of course, what the studio
wanted most was a sequel.

64
00:02:52,390 --> 00:02:54,006
Okay, Krusty, we've got

65
00:02:54,031 --> 00:02:57,623
Good Cop, Dog Cop 2: Golden
Revolver all lined up.

66
00:02:57,648 --> 00:02:59,344
We, uh... who-who did the...

67
00:02:59,421 --> 00:03:02,193
The two Terrys, they just
turned in a great script.

68
00:03:02,218 --> 00:03:04,975
Savage Sam Borgberg
is all set to direct.

69
00:03:05,000 --> 00:03:06,232
So when do we start?

70
00:03:06,257 --> 00:03:08,854
I get it. You think I'm just some hack,

71
00:03:08,879 --> 00:03:12,013
out to churn out lazy sequels
for a quick buck.

72
00:03:13,189 --> 00:03:14,364
Yes.

73
00:03:14,562 --> 00:03:16,853
This is my next movie.

74
00:03:16,864 --> 00:03:18,967
The Sands of Space?

75
00:03:18,992 --> 00:03:20,195
Krusty, are you kidding me?

76
00:03:20,220 --> 00:03:23,357
This is the most famously
un-filmable book in history.

77
00:03:23,382 --> 00:03:27,039
It made Kubrick a recluse.
It-it drove Coppola to wine.

78
00:03:27,115 --> 00:03:28,949
The four Jeffs tried to write a script,

79
00:03:29,025 --> 00:03:30,951
but even they couldn't crack it.

80
00:03:31,027 --> 00:03:34,287
When I bought this at
an adult bookstore by mistake,

81
00:03:34,416 --> 00:03:36,383
it changed my life.

82
00:03:36,408 --> 00:03:39,051
"There's a light that shines
from star to star,

83
00:03:39,127 --> 00:03:42,796
from soul to soul, connecting
everyone in the universe."

84
00:03:42,872 --> 00:03:44,742
Wow.

85
00:03:45,733 --> 00:03:48,514
It's not landing for me
that the hero doesn't

86
00:03:48,539 --> 00:03:51,898
refuse the quest
before he accepts the quest.

87
00:03:51,923 --> 00:03:53,223
Is that landing for you?

88
00:03:53,234 --> 00:03:55,943
Look, I'm not drinking
out of one more toilet

89
00:03:55,968 --> 00:03:57,982
until you green-light this movie.

90
00:03:58,007 --> 00:04:00,671
And I'm not playing a dog, either.

91
00:04:00,890 --> 00:04:03,066
All right, we got a comic
who wants to make

92
00:04:03,077 --> 00:04:05,902
a hippie-dippie
science-fiction vanity project.

93
00:04:05,913 --> 00:04:09,906
Here's what we do: we humor him,
and we make it dirt cheap.

94
00:04:09,917 --> 00:04:11,700
We could shoot it in Mexico for nothing.

95
00:04:11,776 --> 00:04:13,961
We hire a has-been to direct it

96
00:04:13,996 --> 00:04:15,754
and never-wases to do everything else.

97
00:04:15,831 --> 00:04:19,749
After it bombs, that clown will
come scooting his butt back here

98
00:04:19,760 --> 00:04:23,753
to make all the Dog Cop movies
we want. Two more.

99
00:04:23,764 --> 00:04:25,922
The Sands of Space was a go,

100
00:04:25,933 --> 00:04:28,591
and the studio hired
the least-qualified crew

101
00:04:28,602 --> 00:04:31,219
they could find,
including a young couple

102
00:04:31,296 --> 00:04:33,930
whose love was just starting to bloom.

103
00:04:33,941 --> 00:04:35,890
She was full of optimism,

104
00:04:35,915 --> 00:04:39,008
and he was slightly less fat
than he was going to be.

105
00:04:39,137 --> 00:04:40,687
What could be cooler?

106
00:04:40,764 --> 00:04:44,283
You and me working on a movie
together all summer long

107
00:04:44,359 --> 00:04:46,776
as production assistants.

108
00:04:46,787 --> 00:04:48,787
It's so romantic.

109
00:04:48,864 --> 00:04:51,281
We'll be like Elizabeth Taylor
and Richard Burton

110
00:04:51,292 --> 00:04:53,867
if they had to get coffee for everybody.

111
00:04:56,654 --> 00:05:00,540
All right, everyone,
saddle up for Juárez, Mexico.

112
00:05:00,617 --> 00:05:03,293
That's where I shot Manhattan Mix Up.

113
00:05:03,304 --> 00:05:06,129
Lost a lot of good men on that show.

114
00:05:06,140 --> 00:05:08,798
Now, move it out!

115
00:05:17,746 --> 00:05:19,150
Why are we stopping?

116
00:05:19,175 --> 00:05:20,945
Oh, the bus has
been leaking oil for miles.

117
00:05:20,970 --> 00:05:21,987
Look behind us.

118
00:05:22,064 --> 00:05:24,199
Those things were literal?

119
00:05:31,239 --> 00:05:35,909
The Sands of Space,
day one, shot one, take one.

120
00:05:35,985 --> 00:05:37,952
And... action!

121
00:05:38,029 --> 00:05:41,247
So barren, so alien,

122
00:05:41,324 --> 00:05:43,625
yet somehow... familiar.

123
00:05:43,701 --> 00:05:46,002
Hey, what the hell is this?

124
00:05:46,013 --> 00:05:47,846
Cut. Cut it!

125
00:05:47,923 --> 00:05:51,683
This sand is sand-colored.
It's supposed to be red.

126
00:05:51,760 --> 00:05:53,968
So what? Sand is sand.

127
00:05:54,045 --> 00:05:55,854
Did you even read the book?

128
00:05:55,879 --> 00:05:58,945
These blood dunes
are all that's left of humanity

129
00:05:58,970 --> 00:06:00,692
after the Rust Wars.

130
00:06:00,717 --> 00:06:03,154
What's to read? It's a space picture.

131
00:06:03,179 --> 00:06:05,855
Laser cars, girls with octopus arms,

132
00:06:05,866 --> 00:06:08,691
zip zap glip glorp, and it's in the can.

133
00:06:08,702 --> 00:06:10,921
Look, you no-talent bag of wrinkles.

134
00:06:10,946 --> 00:06:13,070
Go back to whatever
Toluca Lake drunk tank

135
00:06:13,095 --> 00:06:14,603
they fished you out of,

136
00:06:14,628 --> 00:06:17,470
because you're not getting
anywhere near my movie!

137
00:06:19,829 --> 00:06:21,876
Sir, I've worked in moving pictures

138
00:06:21,901 --> 00:06:23,790
since they were called "stillies."

139
00:06:23,867 --> 00:06:26,960
I once shot a two-hour picture
in 90 minutes.

140
00:06:27,036 --> 00:06:31,079
And so I say to you, in the
words of Miss Lillian Gish,

141
00:06:31,104 --> 00:06:32,808
go crap in your hat.

142
00:06:36,421 --> 00:06:38,274
And now, if you'll excuse me,

143
00:06:38,299 --> 00:06:41,681
I am going to mysteriously drown
in the ocean.

144
00:06:45,313 --> 00:06:48,648
As you may have heard, there's
been an amicable parting of ways

145
00:06:48,673 --> 00:06:51,651
with that moron director.
We wish him well.

146
00:06:51,728 --> 00:06:55,015
Clearly, there's only one artist
close enough to this film

147
00:06:55,040 --> 00:06:56,985
To direct it: me.

148
00:06:57,993 --> 00:07:00,660
I know what you're thinking...
have I taken on too much

149
00:07:00,737 --> 00:07:02,907
by starring and directing a movie

150
00:07:02,932 --> 00:07:05,587
that I was also tricked
into cofinancing?

151
00:07:05,612 --> 00:07:09,072
No, because this story must be told.

152
00:07:11,006 --> 00:07:13,057
This is so exciting.

153
00:07:13,082 --> 00:07:16,935
Krusty's got the passion and
vision to make this movie great.

154
00:07:19,152 --> 00:07:22,297
I have no idea how to make a movie.

155
00:07:22,322 --> 00:07:24,954
I know nothing.

156
00:07:26,113 --> 00:07:28,613
All these people are screwed.

157
00:07:28,638 --> 00:07:31,751
And the crew gift is just a T-shirt.

158
00:07:34,829 --> 00:07:36,353
Right, right, I-I get it.

159
00:07:36,378 --> 00:07:38,548
In the tradition of every actor ever,

160
00:07:38,573 --> 00:07:41,511
- you thought you could direct.
- Directing seemed so easy.

161
00:07:41,536 --> 00:07:44,296
You just hold your hands like
this, then bing, bang, boom,

162
00:07:44,372 --> 00:07:46,206
Annie Leibovitz is taking your portrait

163
00:07:46,282 --> 00:07:47,749
in a bathtub full of milk.

164
00:07:47,877 --> 00:07:50,595
Yeah, talk about pressure, though.

165
00:07:50,620 --> 00:07:52,754
Man, I remember once
I was filming a special

166
00:07:52,830 --> 00:07:54,140
at the Laugh Basement in Tampa...

167
00:07:54,165 --> 00:07:55,590
This isn't about you.

168
00:07:55,667 --> 00:07:58,269
You got your ad in
for Dollar Doorknob Club.

169
00:07:58,294 --> 00:07:59,969
Now, let me talk.

170
00:07:59,980 --> 00:08:02,931
They say in Hollywood,
"Nobody knows anything."

171
00:08:03,007 --> 00:08:05,391
Well, I knew a lot less than that.

172
00:08:05,416 --> 00:08:08,078
What do you like
for the princess's headpiece,

173
00:08:08,103 --> 00:08:11,397
- feathers or scales?
- I don't know, how about scales?

174
00:08:11,422 --> 00:08:13,921
Oh, well, there goes
the whole costume budget.

175
00:08:13,946 --> 00:08:15,151
Uh, for the crew lunch,

176
00:08:15,162 --> 00:08:17,140
the grips want their hot dogs boiled,

177
00:08:17,165 --> 00:08:18,821
but the gaffers want them grilled.

178
00:08:18,832 --> 00:08:21,914
Either way, I don't got no
hot dogs, so, uh, which is it?

179
00:08:21,939 --> 00:08:24,410
Do you want the space ship doors
to open like,

180
00:08:24,435 --> 00:08:27,737
"Zzztt-zzztt," "ppswishh"
or "wahh-wahh"?

181
00:08:27,865 --> 00:08:29,676
Judd Nelson won't come out
of his trailer.

182
00:08:29,701 --> 00:08:32,178
Christian Slater won't go back
into his trailer.

183
00:08:32,203 --> 00:08:34,140
How many sugars do you want
in your coffee?

184
00:08:34,165 --> 00:08:36,140
Stop asking me things!

185
00:08:36,165 --> 00:08:38,683
Is this an official break,
or are we taking a five?

186
00:08:40,595 --> 00:08:41,688
Wahh-wahh.

187
00:08:41,713 --> 00:08:44,039
Hmm, that poor clown man.

188
00:08:44,064 --> 00:08:47,359
This movie is his dream,
and it's falling apart.

189
00:08:47,384 --> 00:08:50,243
Yeah, that's Mexico showbiz for you.

190
00:08:57,112 --> 00:09:00,113
Oh, is nothing on this movie real?

191
00:09:00,720 --> 00:09:01,921
Um, are you okay?

192
00:09:01,946 --> 00:09:03,024
Okay?

193
00:09:03,049 --> 00:09:06,220
I'm a total fraud who can't make
a single decision.

194
00:09:06,880 --> 00:09:09,706
Well, maybe you just need
to start with a small one.

195
00:09:09,716 --> 00:09:12,717
Like, what color should
the space monster's blood be,

196
00:09:12,794 --> 00:09:14,294
orange or green?

197
00:09:14,370 --> 00:09:16,656
Both. Neither. I don't know!

198
00:09:17,329 --> 00:09:20,018
Just close your eyes, breathe deeply,

199
00:09:20,043 --> 00:09:23,228
and envision the blood.
What color is it?

200
00:09:24,665 --> 00:09:25,972
Orange.

201
00:09:26,049 --> 00:09:28,673
There you go. You decided.

202
00:09:28,698 --> 00:09:32,312
Of course, orange!
I knew I was a genius!

203
00:09:32,337 --> 00:09:34,981
I did it! I directed a movie!

204
00:09:35,006 --> 00:09:36,793
Well, it's just one decision.

205
00:09:36,818 --> 00:09:39,335
Oh, I'm a nothing. A phony-baloney.

206
00:09:39,360 --> 00:09:41,462
A no-talent. A zilch.

207
00:09:41,503 --> 00:09:45,838
Just my luck to work for the
only insecure person in showbiz.

208
00:09:45,994 --> 00:09:49,422
You risked everything you have
to tell this story.

209
00:09:49,447 --> 00:09:50,913
It must be special.

210
00:09:50,924 --> 00:09:53,907
Maybe I can do this with your help.

211
00:09:53,932 --> 00:09:57,415
How would you like to be
assistant to the director?

212
00:09:57,505 --> 00:09:58,504
Really?

213
00:09:58,581 --> 00:10:01,392
I need you to help me be decisive.

214
00:10:01,417 --> 00:10:04,234
No, wait, I don't want that!
Oh, God, which one?

215
00:10:04,259 --> 00:10:06,429
- The first, the first.
- You're hired.

216
00:10:06,440 --> 00:10:07,889
Oh!

217
00:10:09,517 --> 00:10:11,774
Add more dynamite.

218
00:10:12,095 --> 00:10:15,113
Uh, those explosives are
really close to those extras.

219
00:10:15,190 --> 00:10:16,898
So? We got plenty of them.

220
00:10:16,974 --> 00:10:19,235
That's why they're called
"extras," right?

221
00:10:23,439 --> 00:10:26,281
You tell that lox to go to acting school

222
00:10:26,306 --> 00:10:28,571
and work there as a janitor.

223
00:10:29,445 --> 00:10:32,924
Krusty loves what you're doing.
Same energy, little quicker.

224
00:10:32,949 --> 00:10:35,189
Tell him to sod off.

225
00:10:35,451 --> 00:10:37,794
He says, "You got it, baby."

226
00:10:37,804 --> 00:10:40,960
It's so much pressure.
The whole movie depends on it.

227
00:10:40,985 --> 00:10:43,383
Tell the story that needs to be told.

228
00:10:43,459 --> 00:10:45,134
That butt double for the action scene,

229
00:10:45,145 --> 00:10:47,970
that butt double for the
love scene. Let's make art!

230
00:10:50,030 --> 00:10:51,437
Sorry I'm late,

231
00:10:51,462 --> 00:10:54,445
but Krusty and I were
storyboarding tomorrow's shots.

232
00:10:54,470 --> 00:10:59,070
Close-up, medium, long, long,
establishing, close,

233
00:10:59,095 --> 00:11:03,069
POV, wide, and then...
get this... medium.

234
00:11:03,146 --> 00:11:06,626
You've been so busy with
that director, I never see you.

235
00:11:06,651 --> 00:11:09,836
Krusty needs me.
He's under so much pressure.

236
00:11:09,861 --> 00:11:13,121
You wouldn't believe how much
directing dust he's sniffing.

237
00:11:13,197 --> 00:11:15,006
Everyone's working hard.

238
00:11:15,031 --> 00:11:18,085
We had to repaint all the sets
black and white for a flashback.

239
00:11:18,110 --> 00:11:19,562
We wouldn't have been able to do it

240
00:11:19,587 --> 00:11:21,295
if not for all the crew powder.

241
00:11:21,372 --> 00:11:22,964
Well, it'll all be worth it

242
00:11:23,040 --> 00:11:25,174
when this movie touches people's hearts,

243
00:11:25,185 --> 00:11:28,803
as Peabo Bryson sings
the theme song over the credits.

244
00:11:29,056 --> 00:11:30,596
You got Peabo?

245
00:11:30,673 --> 00:11:33,692
- Well, he hasn't committed.
- He's not the only one.

246
00:11:33,768 --> 00:11:35,968
This was supposed to be
a romantic adventure,

247
00:11:35,993 --> 00:11:38,980
but whenever we have a moment
alone, your beeper goes off.

248
00:11:39,056 --> 00:11:42,942
Why don't we have
a romantic adventure right now?

249
00:11:43,019 --> 00:11:45,111
Oh, yeah, baby.

250
00:11:49,951 --> 00:11:51,376
Wahh-wahh.

251
00:11:55,031 --> 00:11:58,049
Where were you?

252
00:11:58,126 --> 00:12:01,282
I had to watch the dailies without you.

253
00:12:01,629 --> 00:12:04,046
Greetings. Welcome.

254
00:12:04,057 --> 00:12:07,842
Greetings. Welcome.
Greetings. Welcome. Greetings.

255
00:12:07,919 --> 00:12:10,970
I've been going back and forth
all night. Which is better?

256
00:12:10,995 --> 00:12:12,915
Did you get one with "Hello"?

257
00:12:15,219 --> 00:12:18,503
I'm sorry, I was with Homer,
my boyfriend.

258
00:12:18,528 --> 00:12:21,906
Boyfriend? You can't have
a boyfriend. I want you!

259
00:12:21,983 --> 00:12:22,959
Krusty!

260
00:12:22,984 --> 00:12:24,899
Not like a lady.

261
00:12:24,924 --> 00:12:29,257
Like a "mother slash therapist
slash rabbi" who xeroxes things.

262
00:12:29,282 --> 00:12:30,782
Dump the boyfriend.

263
00:12:30,807 --> 00:12:35,879
I believe in this movie, but I
also believe in Homer and Marge.

264
00:12:37,406 --> 00:12:39,916
Me, I'm Marge.

265
00:12:39,926 --> 00:12:43,710
Oh, yes, Marge. Marge, I knew that.

266
00:12:43,735 --> 00:12:46,714
Marge. Marge.

267
00:12:46,739 --> 00:12:50,269
I'm not going to break up
with Homer. He's my soul mate.

268
00:12:51,642 --> 00:12:53,323
Hmm. You know what? I get it.

269
00:12:53,348 --> 00:12:55,440
Your life has to come first.

270
00:12:55,517 --> 00:12:58,935
Yet again, you're the only one
who can set me straight.

271
00:12:58,945 --> 00:13:01,938
- Thank you.
- That's all right.

272
00:13:02,000 --> 00:13:03,783
It's not all right.

273
00:13:03,808 --> 00:13:06,169
I'm gonna grind
that boyfriend down finer

274
00:13:06,194 --> 00:13:08,736
than this movie's red sand...

275
00:13:08,813 --> 00:13:11,072
that I now wish was sand-colored.

276
00:13:11,148 --> 00:13:13,366
Send in my anesthesiologist

277
00:13:13,391 --> 00:13:15,242
so I can take a nap.

278
00:13:15,370 --> 00:13:17,245
Dreams or no dreams?

279
00:13:17,321 --> 00:13:19,130
Surprise me.

280
00:13:27,178 --> 00:13:29,548
Wow, it's crazy, man, right?

281
00:13:29,573 --> 00:13:31,953
How narcissism and insecurity
go hand in hand?

282
00:13:31,978 --> 00:13:33,886
I mean, you couldn't function

283
00:13:33,911 --> 00:13:35,791
because your assistant had a boyfriend.

284
00:13:35,816 --> 00:13:37,306
Where does that jealousy come from?

285
00:13:37,317 --> 00:13:39,110
How would I know? I fired my shrink

286
00:13:39,135 --> 00:13:42,436
after I found out she was seeing
other patients. Anyway...

287
00:13:42,471 --> 00:13:44,272
I made sure the boyfriend

288
00:13:44,297 --> 00:13:47,478
had all the most dangerous jobs
on the set.

289
00:13:48,211 --> 00:13:50,720
I'm out of breakfast burritos.

290
00:13:56,670 --> 00:13:58,628
Bring in the stunt dummy.

291
00:14:04,752 --> 00:14:07,618
Perfect. Let's get one more for safety.

292
00:14:09,425 --> 00:14:12,810
I'm telling you, your crazy boss
is out to get me.

293
00:14:12,835 --> 00:14:15,854
No, he's not.
Krusty loves our relationship.

294
00:14:15,930 --> 00:14:18,156
Every day, he says it would be a shame

295
00:14:18,181 --> 00:14:22,257
if something happened to you,
then laughs and laughs.

296
00:14:22,282 --> 00:14:24,812
Then why are they sending me out
to the middle of the desert

297
00:14:24,837 --> 00:14:27,866
to find a lizard for a new scene
about a space lizard?

298
00:14:27,942 --> 00:14:30,494
Hmm, that does sound a little dangerous.

299
00:14:30,519 --> 00:14:33,529
No, I'm sure it's super safe.

300
00:14:33,540 --> 00:14:36,082
I'll see you when I get back alive.

301
00:14:43,970 --> 00:14:46,171
Here, lizard, lizard, lizard.

302
00:14:46,196 --> 00:14:48,002
Who wants to be famous?

303
00:14:48,079 --> 00:14:49,704
Look at all those skeletons.

304
00:14:49,729 --> 00:14:52,212
Mexicans sure love Halloween.

305
00:14:53,173 --> 00:14:54,050
Whoa!

306
00:14:55,032 --> 00:14:56,548
D'oh! What the...?

307
00:15:02,310 --> 00:15:04,352
Wha...

308
00:15:04,428 --> 00:15:06,892
Oh, I'm trapped in a ravine.

309
00:15:06,917 --> 00:15:11,020
Only one thing to do:
wait patiently for death.

310
00:15:12,913 --> 00:15:15,726
- Dad, wake up!
- What?

311
00:15:15,751 --> 00:15:17,343
Yeah, get up, fat-ass.

312
00:15:17,368 --> 00:15:19,302
Who the hell are you, talking cactuses?

313
00:15:19,327 --> 00:15:21,640
We're the kids you're never gonna have

314
00:15:21,665 --> 00:15:24,080
if you don't you get your
lazy butt out of that hole.

315
00:15:24,090 --> 00:15:26,832
And technically, it's "cacti."

316
00:15:26,909 --> 00:15:29,210
Ow!

317
00:15:29,286 --> 00:15:31,671
Why should I climb out of here
and have you?

318
00:15:31,696 --> 00:15:34,934
Marge spends all her time
taking care of that needy clown.

319
00:15:34,959 --> 00:15:37,435
I thought I was her passion project.

320
00:15:37,512 --> 00:15:39,939
You know, someday
you might appreciate a wife

321
00:15:39,964 --> 00:15:41,764
who's developed empathy and patience

322
00:15:41,775 --> 00:15:44,058
for chubby, selfish men.

323
00:15:44,993 --> 00:15:46,519
Look at that bald guy.

324
00:15:47,360 --> 00:15:48,954
He's so bald!

325
00:15:48,979 --> 00:15:50,523
I don't think we'll ever be born.

326
00:15:50,548 --> 00:15:52,441
Sorry, Maggie.

327
00:15:52,466 --> 00:15:54,204
Eat my thorns.

328
00:15:54,229 --> 00:15:56,009
Why, you prickly...!

329
00:16:07,024 --> 00:16:09,634
A casa. I'm saved.

330
00:16:11,751 --> 00:16:13,517
Ay, caramba!

331
00:16:15,149 --> 00:16:18,977
The Pain Lords forced me to mine
every quarry on this planet,

332
00:16:19,053 --> 00:16:23,509
but they never imagined
I had the Love Gem all along.

333
00:16:25,009 --> 00:16:27,026
And... cut.

334
00:16:28,206 --> 00:16:29,989
That was amazing.

335
00:16:30,014 --> 00:16:31,991
And you remembered all your lines.

336
00:16:32,149 --> 00:16:34,275
Aw, thanks...

337
00:16:34,351 --> 00:16:35,943
Marge.

338
00:16:36,020 --> 00:16:39,078
You've helped me become
what every director should be:

339
00:16:39,103 --> 00:16:41,949
an amiable guy who makes everyone suffer

340
00:16:41,974 --> 00:16:43,774
through his hellish process.

341
00:16:43,837 --> 00:16:45,786
Homer's been kidnapped.

342
00:16:46,696 --> 00:16:47,903
There's a note.

343
00:16:51,123 --> 00:16:53,850
"We have taken your blubbering coward."

344
00:17:00,426 --> 00:17:02,101
"The ransom is $1 million

345
00:17:02,126 --> 00:17:04,939
or 100 Los Angeles Raiders
season tickets."

346
00:17:06,485 --> 00:17:07,814
"Go, Raiders."

347
00:17:07,843 --> 00:17:09,852
Oh, geez, I'm sorry, everyone.

348
00:17:09,863 --> 00:17:12,313
We don't have the cash
to ransom that kid,

349
00:17:12,389 --> 00:17:14,460
but I think I know what he'd want:

350
00:17:14,485 --> 00:17:16,984
a special thanks in the closing credits

351
00:17:17,009 --> 00:17:20,157
right before which kind
of film stock we used.

352
00:17:20,397 --> 00:17:21,831
Back to work.

353
00:17:22,858 --> 00:17:24,867
No. This crew looks after its own.

354
00:17:24,878 --> 00:17:26,435
We're gonna save Homer,

355
00:17:26,437 --> 00:17:30,485
and I don't care how much
golden time they have to pay us.

356
00:17:34,462 --> 00:17:36,629
We don't have a million-dollar ransom,

357
00:17:36,654 --> 00:17:38,163
but we do have one thing:

358
00:17:38,224 --> 00:17:40,007
movie magic.

359
00:17:40,084 --> 00:17:42,143
Powder up, everyone.

360
00:17:48,118 --> 00:17:49,417
Ay, ay, ay!

361
00:17:49,442 --> 00:17:51,212
"Ay ay ay," indeed.

362
00:17:53,556 --> 00:17:55,856
Give us back our P.A.!

363
00:17:55,881 --> 00:17:59,141
The Americans, they have weapons
from the future.

364
00:17:59,166 --> 00:18:02,134
Yar!

365
00:18:02,248 --> 00:18:05,249
These weapons from the future,
they are not real.

366
00:18:14,939 --> 00:18:18,889
Stop shooting. Stop shooting. Cut!

367
00:18:18,914 --> 00:18:20,751
Okay, that's a five.

368
00:18:21,959 --> 00:18:24,260
We don't have your million dollars,

369
00:18:24,270 --> 00:18:26,929
but we can give you something
much more valuable:

370
00:18:26,940 --> 00:18:28,931
a Hollywood movie.

371
00:18:28,942 --> 00:18:32,768
All we want back is the
lowliest member of our crew.

372
00:18:32,779 --> 00:18:35,475
We could sell it to
the highest bidder at MIFED!

373
00:18:35,500 --> 00:18:36,782
You have a deal.

374
00:18:36,807 --> 00:18:40,192
No, no! You can't give away
my masterwork.

375
00:18:40,904 --> 00:18:43,914
"There's a light that shines
from star to star,

376
00:18:43,939 --> 00:18:48,078
from soul to soul, connecting
everyone in the universe."

377
00:18:48,103 --> 00:18:50,786
Be the man who believes in those words,

378
00:18:50,797 --> 00:18:55,446
and let the light between me and
Homer give life to our universe.

379
00:18:58,120 --> 00:19:01,097
Gentlemen, the film is yours.

380
00:19:07,221 --> 00:19:09,305
You're a good man, Krusty.

381
00:19:09,315 --> 00:19:11,140
Only when I'm with you,

382
00:19:11,151 --> 00:19:14,485
which is why I never
want to see you again.

383
00:19:14,562 --> 00:19:16,937
I want that, too.

384
00:19:16,962 --> 00:19:19,658
I've done a lot of interviews,
man, but wow.

385
00:19:19,683 --> 00:19:22,776
I-I am so glad
that Byron Allen canceled.

386
00:19:22,853 --> 00:19:25,257
And after that,
my movie career was kaput.

387
00:19:25,282 --> 00:19:27,187
I was sent back to kids TV

388
00:19:27,212 --> 00:19:31,015
and never cared about making
anything good ever again.

389
00:19:31,040 --> 00:19:34,131
Well, folks, you heard it.
Who could ever forget it?

390
00:19:34,156 --> 00:19:38,476
A heartbreaking story about a
selfish man's one selfless act.

391
00:19:38,501 --> 00:19:39,914
Do you like hot cashews

392
00:19:39,939 --> 00:19:41,876
but don't have the time to heat them up?

393
00:19:41,901 --> 00:19:45,476
'ShewBlasters is disrupting
the heated nut business.

394
00:19:45,501 --> 00:19:47,845
If the 'Shew heats, eat it!

395
00:19:59,978 --> 00:20:03,329
- Mom! Dad!
- You guys never told us

396
00:20:03,354 --> 00:20:05,234
you worked on a movie together.

397
00:20:05,259 --> 00:20:06,593
So that's why you've been wearing

398
00:20:06,618 --> 00:20:08,328
that crew jacket all these years.

399
00:20:08,339 --> 00:20:11,460
That crazy movie? Oh, man,
that was a long time ago.

400
00:20:11,485 --> 00:20:12,674
We were just kids.

401
00:20:12,699 --> 00:20:13,865
What was it like?

402
00:20:13,890 --> 00:20:15,678
Well, working on that movie set

403
00:20:15,703 --> 00:20:18,164
turned out to be
a lot like our marriage.

404
00:20:18,189 --> 00:20:21,257
Long days, stupid fights
you don't remember,

405
00:20:21,282 --> 00:20:23,134
but damn good breakfasts.

406
00:20:23,211 --> 00:20:25,854
A good breakfast
can get you through a lot.

407
00:20:25,879 --> 00:20:29,130
But what happened to the movie?
Did Krusty ever see it?

408
00:20:29,155 --> 00:20:30,979
I don't know. I guess we'll never know.

409
00:20:32,254 --> 00:20:35,313
The love crystal is whole once more.

410
00:20:35,390 --> 00:20:38,743
The prophecy is fulfilled.

411
00:20:51,009 --> 00:20:54,457
- What? Why are they laughing?
- They think it's a comedy.

412
00:20:55,353 --> 00:20:58,931
It was supposed to show
how we're all connected.

413
00:20:58,956 --> 00:21:03,241
Look around, man.
Maybe it did, maybe it did.

414
00:21:03,266 --> 00:21:06,564
If you think this is closure,
you're nuts.

415
00:21:06,589 --> 00:21:16,089
- Sync and corrections by ByDem -
- www.addic7ed.com -

