Hey. Sorry I'm late.
- The coffee guy was... - Assaulting your head?
- What is going on up there? - Is it bad?
Before I answer that question, do you currently have a knife on you?
- Yeah, several. - Then I love it.
It really... is hair. It's bad, Rosa.
You look like Edna from "The Incredibles."
I'm sorry, don't stab me.
My girlfriend Jocelyn's been practicing
a bunch of different hairstyles on me.
She's in cosmetology school.
- Is she... passing? - Honestly, I don't know.
Well, let's get into this murder.
I'm hoping it's a dope one.
Mamma Mia. That's a bloody pizza pie.
No, it's okay.
I can say that. I'm half Italian.
That's not the problem I had with it.
Detectives. The vacuum was running when we got here.
Smeared blood across the entire apartment.
Is this dope enough for you?
I mean, it's a bloody robot, Rosa.
It's clearly a good start, but it's gonna take
more than that to be certified as dope.
- Who's the Vic? - Name is Andrew Adams.
- Kind of a boring name. Not dope. - He's an investigative reporter.
- Dope. What was he investigating? - Chicken farming.
Sharp turn away from dopeness, but who found the body?
His boss called the cops when he didn't show up to work,
so he was found by Officer Darrell.
Officer Darrell? You are seriously undoping this.
You got anything else for me? Jen?
The apartment was locked from the inside.
Mysterious. Dope.
And the alarm system was still armed.
Dope, dope, dope, dope. So hard to solve.
- Any surveillance cameras? - Oh, yeah.
- Tons of 'em. We checked 'em. - It's too easy.
But no one was seen going in or out.
So whoever did this was a ghost.
Yes! A ghost!
Oh! I officially declare this case... dope!
Sync & corrections by emeline-whovian www.addic7ed.com
Whoo! I love the first walkthrough of a crime scene.
It's kind of like arriving at summer camp,
except the lake is full of blood
and your bunk mate is dead.
I think I might be bad at metaphors.
So after Adams comes home from work,
the only person who even approaches
his doorway is this delivery guy?
Yeah, but he never enters the apartment.
Hey, Rosa. Check it out. Triple digies!
There's so much evidence, we hit triple digies.
- Cool. - Cool indeed.
But you know what's not cool?
Our Vic ordered his dinner from House of Lettuce.
There's no way this guy knew he was gonna die.
No one would want lettuce as their last meal.
For example, my last meal...
is gon'st to be Sour Straws.
- You just keep those in your pocket? - We face death every day.
I gotta be prepared to go out on my own terms.
I can't even think about eating.
Smells like the brim of Scully's hat in here.
That's the heat wave. It sped up body decomp.
I guess you could say this mystery
is straight outta decomp...
...ton.
- No. Who are you? - I'm Franco McCoy.
I'm running CSI and forensics.
You two must be detectives.
I can tell because you look pretty buttoned up.
We're both wearing leather jackets.
And I won this hoodie for eating a big pizza.
Just do me a favor.
Don't turn into a star humper around me or my squad,
because they make TV shows about us sometimes.
What? They make shows about us all the time.
- Name one. - "Law and Order."
- Never heard of it. - "NYPD Blue."
- Nope. - "Miami Vice."
- Nah. - "Hill Street Blues."
- Pass. - "The Wire."
- Sounds dumb. - "Rizzoli & Isles."
Okay. That's a good one.
All right, if the heat is causing the smell,
why don't we just turn on the air conditioning...
Whoa, whoa, whoa! That kind of air flow
is gonna kick up all kinds of dust particles.
That AC stays off, which means the odor in here?
Only gonna get worse. Pro tip: plug your noses.
Had this little bad boy custom-made 3-D printed
to fit these sweet nosters.
Are you trying to abbreviate "nostrils"?
In CSI, we don't try.
We do, son.
Okay. Well, it's been sort of okay meeting you.
We're gonna turn our backs and ignore you now.
Hey, Jake. You know what it's time for?
I sure do.
Jake and Rosa's first impressions.
Cast-off pattern on the far wall suggests upward knife slices. Jake?
Wounds on the vic's back means he didn't see the killer coming. Rosa?
Laptop, wallet, keys all in plain sight.
No sign of forced entry.
Doesn't connote a robbery. Jake?
But it does connote that our killer
was waiting for Adams in the apartment.
Did I just use the word "connote" correctly?
- You did. - Great.
Will you text that to Amy?
I don't want to say what using good vocabulary gets me.
- Okay. - Sexual intercourse.
- Gross. - What? We're adults.
I'm his mother! Let me in!
Rock-paper-scissors for who has to talk to the vic's mom.
Deal.
It's a game of chance. How do you always win?
You always pick paper.
That is not true. Here, go again.
One more time.
All right, one more time.
One more time.
All right, one more time.
One more time.
God, this reverse psychology is a bust!
Ma'am? I'm Detective Peralta.
This is Detective Diaz.
I'm so sorry for your loss.
Please tell me whatever you can.
Nobody will tell me anything.
I really wish that I could,
but we're just starting our investigation.
Now, is there anyone you can think of that would want to hurt your son?
No! Everybody loved Andrew.
I don't know why this happened!
Please, you have to find who did this.
We're doing everything we can.
Promise me you'll find who did this.
- Ma'am, we can't promise... - Promise me!
Andrew was my whole world.
I'm a single mom.
- I promise you. - Wow.
You really are an idiot.
Um, exsqueeze me?
Did you really just promise
a victim's family member we would solve a crime?
Oh, come on. I was just consoling her.
No. It was a full-on promise, and it wasn't just her.
Yes, Betty.
I promise I will find your friend's son's killer.
Yes, you can put your husband on.
I'll promise him too.
Okay, well, what's his number at work, then?
Do you have a pen?
You broke the number one rule
of dealing with a victim's family member.
- What were you thinking? - I don't know.
She reminded me of my mom, okay?
A single mother crying in the hallway?
Those are some of my best childhood memories.
- Jake. - What, is that bad?
Dude, you never make a promise,
because if we don't solve this,
you've given her false hope, and that is way worse.
Normally, I would totally agree with you,
but we're going to solve this case.
We have so much evidence. We hit triple digies!
We'll interview his friends and neighbors and coworkers.
Come on. We got this!
- We're Jake and Rosa! - And also Franco.
You're not a part of this, Franco.
Your loss.
_
My goodness.
Did Mother Gothel finally let you out of the tower
to see the lanterns that fly for your birthday?
- What? - It was a "Tangled" burn.
Charles and I watched it for bros night.
Cool. No, Jocelyn's learning
how to weave in hair extensions.
She wanted me to look nice
'cause I'm meeting her parents tonight.
Wow. Moving fast. Meetin' each other's parents.
Yeah. Well, I'm meeting hers.
I still haven't talked to my mom since coming out,
so... it's kind of a bummer.
I don't really want to talk about this. Can we find a segue?
What? You can't just say "let's find a segue."
- I just did. - Okay.
I talked to the neighbors.
Our Vic had a party three nights before the murder.
I talked to everyone on the guest list.
They all have alibis, so I got nothing.
- How did your interviews go? - Not great.
I talked to his coworkers, friends, and family.
No one had a motive. Everyone loved him. The dumb jerk. RIP.
Did you promise any of them that you'd find the killer?
Yes, his aunt. She also reminded me of my mom. Her name was Karen!
- Jake! - Look, it's gonna be fine.
This apartment is full of forensic evidence.
There is no way that CSI hasn't found something.
I have never been more confident in my entire...
I can taste the smell.
Ugh. You shouldn't be able to taste smells.
That's the heat cookin' the blood rot
right out of the floorboards.
Set scent to simmer.
Serve over rice.
Well... I hated that.
Just so you know, Franco,
we're not responding positively to you as a person.
Yeah. Maybe just give us an update on the labs.
Copy that. The victim was stabbed 30 times.
Coroner puts time of death between 6:00 p.m.
and 7:30 p.m. Sunday night.
Okay, and how many DNA matches did you find?
- None. - What about hair?
- Zero. - Fingerprints?
Zilcharoni. I have no matches of anything
on any criminal databases whatsoever.
Still feeling good about your promise, Jake?
Still feeling good about that haircut, Cousin It?
Franco, how did you guys not find anything?
You had 15 people in here.
First of all, you sound so ignorant right now.
I had 14 guys here.
Like I'd ever get approval for 15 guys. That's insane.
Second of all, don't worry, Detective Kitty Cat.
I got one droplet of milk nestled at the top
of CSI's teat, so pucker up.
Just talk normal.
We tested the blood.
This splatter here belongs to the victim,
this to a second individual,
and that to a third.
Oh, hells, yes.
We might have some perp blood in here.
This is huge!
Rosa, we are gonna solve this case.
- What're you doing? - Texting my mom.
I mean, the vic's mom.
I know that it's bad that I said "my mom."
It's bad that you're texting her.
I know!
- _ - Ah. Good morning, Rosa.
I see you're still going out with Edward Scissorhands.
You seem particularly chipper this morning.
Indeed I am, because I finally tracked down
the guy who delivered our Vic his final meal
and, in so doing, maybe saw the other two guys
who bled all over this apartment.
We don't know there were three people in this apartment.
Peralta. Diaz. Special delivery.
Delivery guy.
Wow, Franco, you're really getting lazy.
- You're lazy. - Even lazier.
Hello, sir. We'd like to ask you a couple of questions.
Okay, look, I ate a couple fries out of the bag, but everybody does that.
- That's not why you're here. - Oh, snap.
- Is this about weed? - Should it be?
No?
You delivered food to the guy in this apartment at 6:40 p.m.
on Sunday, and within the hour, he was murdered.
- What? How? That's horrible! - Don't worry.
We're definitely gonna catch the guy who did it, I promise.
- Stop promising people. - Not.
Did you see anything suspicious?
No. But I didn't go inside.
The guy came to the door. I just gave him the food.
And did you see or hear anyone else in the apartment?
No, just that one guy.
He ordered, uh, three beetroot zucchini wraps.
Three. Three disgusting wraps.
Three disgusting bloodstains. I knew it.
There were three people in there.
Will you be willing to go inside and let us know
if anything looks different to you?
Yeah. Sure, that's fine. I don't care.
Why would you show this to me?
Oh, I'm too high to see this. There's blood on the fish!
On the fish!
I always forget how weirdly numb
to horrific things we are.
Do you think it affects our souls
and the relationships we build with others?
- Oh, for sure. - Oh.
You must have seen something.
You delivered the food at 6:40,
and sometime before 7:30, Adams was stabbed to death.
Stop saying "stabbed"!
What I saw in there forever changed me.
My heart is still pounding.
Wait.
Adams was wearing a smart watch, right?
Those things track your heart rate.
If we look at his phone, we can see
the exact moment that his heart stopped beating.
Here we go. Activities app.
And... boom.
His heart rate dropped to zero at exactly 6:03.
The food wasn't even ordered until 6:16, which means...
The killer ordered the food!
Oh, God. Did I talk to a murderer?
Jake, this guy saw the perp.
We have to get him in front of a sketch artist.
Oh, yeah. I'm feeling it now, Rosa.
At this time tomorrow, we're gonna know
exactly what our killer looks like.
We have no idea what our killer looks like.
Well, that's not totally true.
We now know that the killer might look like
Seth Myers, Winona Ryder, or Bilbo Baggins.
The delivery guy kept starting over.
Apparently, he's always high. I'm sorry, man.
Our big break turned into nothing.
- Detectives. - Ah! Captain.
Did you come down here to take a look
at the two best detectives you've ever worked with in action?
The two best detectives I've ever worked with
are Montez and Dillman.
- Oh. You never mentioned them before. - They were excellent.
I'm here because Major Crimes wants this case.
I was hoping to tell them you have some leads.
I overheard you mention a Bill Bo-Baggins.
Should we bring him in?
Well, as much as I would love to meet him,
he is not a suspect.
- Okay, so who is? - At this time? No one.
But... we are currently investigating no leads.
- So you have nothing. - Not nothing.
Jake made a new best friend. The vic's mom.
He promised her he'd solve the case.
- That's a rookie mistake. - Okay.
Fine. So maybe I'm not Montana and Dilbert.
Montez and Dillman!
And they would've remembered your name after one mention.
Because we're memorable, and they're not.
Turned it around.
- Nope. - All right, look, Captain.
Rosa and I are gonna solve this case.
The answer is in this room. We just have to focus
and let the room speak to us, isn't that right, room?
When you talk to the room, I lose even more confidence in you.
Why? Oh, wait, I see it. All right.
Can you please just buy us some more time anyway?
Sir, I feel like we've earned this.
- Fine. Work fast. - You got it.
Okay. Let's look at the scene like we're seeing it
for the first time with fresh eyes.
Vic was face down.
Cast-off splatter suggests upward knife slices.
No signs of forced entry.
Laptop, wallet, keys were all there.
Doesn't connote a robbery.
Wait a minute. Have we said this already?
Are we just having the exact same conversation?
- Yep. - Cool. Moving on.
Windows and doors locked from the inside.
Nobody in or out.
Think, think, think... oh!
The upstairs neighbor and his best friend
drilled through the ceiling, murdered Adams,
bleed all over the apartment, then climbed back up
and sealed the hole behind them!
Negative, we would have found construction debris
and microscopic paint fibers.
The only thing that needs patching...
is that theory.
Okay. New idea.
We're gonna get inside the mind of the killer.
We eat the veggie wraps.
Here we go.
Oh, this sick bastard.
Oh, man. This is one twisted mother.
Oh, the beets are raw.
This guy is demented, Rosa!
Okay. All we have to do is figure out
what kind of person can walk by cameras without being seen.
- Someone camouflaged as a wall. - Unlikely.
Harry Potter and his invisibility cloak.
- Not a real person. - Babadook.
- Doesn't exist. - What about a Looper situation?
- It's not a Looper situation. - It could totally be a Looper situation!
- It's not a Looper situation. - This is my least favorite hair!
Oh, my God, Rosa, come here.
Look at the blood spatter.
- Do you see what I see? - Uh, blood.
In the exact shape of Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson.
Pec, pec, delt, delt. Big Samoan tattoo.
Rosa. I think I just made a connection.
The number three is everywhere.
Three people. Three types of blood.
And guess what the tax was on the veggie wraps?
Three dollars.
And 19¢, but if you ignore the 19, then it's three!
- Okay. You've lost your mind. - What? Who told you that?
- Was it room? - No. It's the fact that you think
the room has a voice and also you're working in your boxers!
To beat the heat, Rosa! To beat the heat!
If we can't turn on the AC,
that's not crazy, it's just smart.
Jake. I gave the case to Major Crimes.
What? You can't do that. I promised Luan!
Yeah, and now you can't let it go.
The scene's yours, guys.
I'm sorry, Jake. It's over.
Okay, Rosa, fine! I'll leave.
Come on, room!
- You left your pants. - I don't care!
- Hey, Jake. - Ah!
Hello, Rosa, my coworker and friend.
Look, I know you're mad at me,
but I only gave away that case to help you.
You were acting like a lunatic.
Don't even worry about it. You were totally right.
I was in way too deep, and honestly,
I feel so free not having to work
that case anymore, so thank you.
Cool, you're welcome. What's up with all the ketchup?
Thank you for asking, Rosa.
It's for my hot dog.
Anyways, this has been a great chat,
but I better get back to my hot dog.
- Oh, wow. - Ah! Hey!
Rosa, guess what?
There was no hot dog.
Who's the lunatic now?
- Still you, Jake. - Yeah, right!
There's nothing crazy about this, sister.
It's the crime scene: stove, kitchen island,
blood, and of course, the body.
Hi, Rosa. I'm the body.
Shh. Stay in character!
- Roger that. - Let's get that blood on you.
You gave away my case, but guess what?
I spent two months in that apartment.
I can recreate it in my sleep.
- Have you slept? - No.
What the hell is going on in here?
Jake's gone insane because he promised
the victim's mom he'd solve her son's murder.
Seriously? You never promise a victim's relative anything.
Oh, please. Classic Terry.
Mr. Emotionless. Sgt. Cold Heart.
The man who bleeds ice.
I don't think that rings true.
- No? - Clean it up and get out.
You've lost your mind.
What? That's not true!
Charles, tell him.
Well, actually, he does have a point.
Really? Oh, man, wow.
I guess it really does take your closest friends
to make you realize that you have crap friends
that are idiots and are dumb and idiots!
I'm solving this.
Hey, we heard there's a hot dog in here.
No. Jake lied for no reason.
That son of a bitch!
_
Oh, hey, babe.
Ugh! It's me, Jake!
I'm just working! What is wrong with you?
What are you doing? Why do you have a knife?
Why am I covered in red Post-its?
That's blood. You're the corpse.
Jake, who is that?
Franco McCoy. CSI.
He's helping me with the case.
For the record, I think it's weird that I'm here too.
Both of you, get out!
Yeah, sounds good. Sorry to wake you.
Sweet dreams. Come on.
_
Okay, so, no one went in, no one came out.
The lab confirmed that the surveillance footage
wasn't tampered with.
So what happened in there, Olive Rosa?
- I don't know. - Ah! You can talk.
Oh. Rosa.
It's just you.
I thought I was really going crazy for a second there.
It was just person Rosa.
You look like crap.
You look like a freshman at an all-women's college.
I don't think you're in a position to be offering criticism right now.
More than fair.
I'm worried about you, man.
Yeah. I can't figure it out.
- Then you gotta let it go. - I can't do that either.
Look, I know you want to help this woman,
but there are other cases.
There are other people that need your help,
and right now, you're not helping anyone.
You gotta tell her it's over.
I don't know if I can do that.
Then I'll go with you.
I forced you to be there when I came out to my parents.
I owe you.
All right.
We've exhausted every lead,
we have checked every alibi,
and we have followed every last piece of forensics,
so I guess what I'm trying to say is...
I can't find your son's killer.
I understand.
Thank you for trying as hard as you did.
I really hoped you'd find him.
Well, don't lose hope, because Major Crimes
is on the case as we speak, and they're very...
Oh, they already contacted me.
Because it's been so long without any new leads,
they've labeled it a cold case.
They said I shouldn't hold out hope.
I'm sorry.
It's not you.
I just can't stop feeling guilty.
Andrew and I were not on the best of terms.
We had this huge fight,
and we hadn't spoken in almost a year.
I just wish I could've made it right when I had the chance.
I'm very sorry to hear that, but I'm sure...
- We're gonna find your son's killer. - What?
Jake and I are jumping back on the case.
We'll make sure your son gets the justice he deserves.
I promise.
Thank you.
Rosa?
She just reminds me of my mom.
Oh, boy.
_
So, we gonna talk about what happened back there?
I haven't seen someone cry that much
since Charles heard they were remaking "First Wives Club."
It sort of bothers me that my mom hasn't talked to me since I came out.
Why don't you just give her a call?
Because I shouldn't have to.
It's her issue, not mine.
I mean, I'm glad I came out to her, it's just,
it's taking her way longer to come around than I thought it would.
It sucks.
That's weird. The police tape's already gone.
Oh, yeah, Major Crimes released the scene yesterday.
But I'm sure they haven't had time
to clean up the evidence...
Oh, man, they emptied the place out.
Nothing left in here.
I can't believe this is how it ends.
Yeah. Is it weird that I miss the smell?
Wait a minute, do you hear that?
I've spent 600 hours in this room,
and I have never heard that sound.
It's because the air conditioning's
never been turned on.
It's coming from that vent.
I don't see anything.
Wait, there's a bend.
Oh, my God.
There's food and water in here!
Rosa. We never saw the killer leave this apartment
because he never left.
But he couldn't have survived in there for months. That's insane.
He wasn't back there for months.
He just waited for the body to be discovered
and then snuck out sometime after that.
But this place was crawling with cops.
Which is exactly what he wanted.
He snuck out dressed like a cop.
Even if he had a uniform, somebody would've recognized him.
- Not if his face was covered. - By a Hazmat suit.
The CSI guys!
Franco said he had 14 techs, but didn't you count 15?
I did count 15! My math was right!
Suck it, Mrs. Skanga!
She was my Algebra II teacher.
She threw a protractor at my head.
- She sucks. - She sucked!
Actually, she was very sweet. She believed in me.
- Oh. - Yeah.
Here's the security footage.
It's rated G for Gonna Get Got.
Less is more, Franco. Play the tape.
Okay, so there's us arriving.
Oh, man, is that how I walk?
- Yes. - Should I change how I walk?
- Yes. - All right. Wait. Go back.
Jake, we don't have time to fix your walk.
It's gonna take a lot of work, and we're very busy.
No. Look. Look at this guy.
All the other techs are wearing booties, but he's not.
Follow that guy.
Where's the footage from the bodega across the street?
We have that? That is so crazy.
We are under surveillance at all times.
I'm sure it's fine and it won't backfire and ruin society.
Zoom in on his face.
That man's not CSI.
No, Franco.
But he is about to say...
CS-Bye.
Yeah-ow!
Respect, Jake. Respect.
Okay, Rosa.
- You know what it's time for. - I do.
Jake and Rosa's final impressions.
Your client's a hit man.
He snuck into the apartment during a party several nights earlier,
hid in the vent for three days, then emerged and murdered Adams. Jake?
He then spilled bags of blood
that he stole from a blood bank all over the floor
and turned on the victim's vacuum cleaner
to make the crime scene as messy as possible. Rosa?
The messy scene meant there'd be extra crime techs,
allowing your client to sneak out in a Hazmat suit,
which records show he bought online.
Two weeks before the crime was committed.
My only question is,
who was behind all this?
I was hired by a chicken farmer.
Okay. Dopeness taking a late hit here, but we still got you.
See you at the sentencing, peace, and we're out.
He's pleading guilty.
Oh, thank God.
But why did he kill Andrew?
- Was he doing something bad? - Not at all.
He was about to publish an exposé on a large-scale poultry farm
whose owner was bribing an FDA regulator.
He put a hit out on your son.
Well, is anybody going after him?
If they're not, then I will. I promise you.
- Come here. - Oh.
Why are you promising her?
I can't help myself!
Good-bye, detectives.
Take care.
I gotta say, we would not have solved that case
if you hadn't gotten involved emotionally.
Think we'd be better cops if we did that all the time?
- Absolutely not, never again. - Yeah, it was a total nightmare.
You want to get a celebratory drink?
I would, but I'm actually meeting somebody.
Is it Jocelyn? Do I get to meet Jocelyn?
Oh, God, is she gonna try and cut my hair?
No. It's my mom.
I waited too long for her to come around
and call me, so I called her.
That is so great.
Oh, no. Is she meeting you here?
Am I about to get caught in the middle
of all your weird awkwardness again?
- Hello, Jake. - Ah! Hello, Mrs. Diaz!
America's favorite mother!
So?
So.
So...
Rosa's bi.
Yes, Jake, I remember.
Cool. Cool, cool, cool, cool, cool...
- You don't have to stay, man. - Great. Thanks.
It's really good to see you, Rosalita.
It's good to see you too.
- What did you do to your hair? - Mom!
No, no, no, it's very cute, mija.
Sync & corrections by emeline-whovian www.addic7ed.com