1
00:01:01,100 --> 00:01:03,334
It's absolutely remarkable.

2
00:01:03,376 --> 00:01:05,381
I've never seen anything like this.

3
00:01:05,423 --> 00:01:06,815
It should be impossible,

4
00:01:06,857 --> 00:01:08,451
but we've tried every option.

5
00:01:08,493 --> 00:01:10,419
Paul ruins every single table.

6
00:01:10,461 --> 00:01:13,855
See, there aren't enough
borings for a boring table.

7
00:01:13,897 --> 00:01:16,725
I mean, we could put him
at the Alzheimer's table,

8
00:01:16,767 --> 00:01:18,660
and they'll forget how boring he is.

9
00:01:18,702 --> 00:01:21,230
Ugh. I don't want him at my wedding.

10
00:01:21,272 --> 00:01:23,708
Why can't he just go to another wedding?

11
00:01:24,692 --> 00:01:26,902
Gretchen, put down the Paul.

12
00:01:26,944 --> 00:01:29,104
This is insane. We deserve a break

13
00:01:29,146 --> 00:01:31,961
from the mind-numbing
drudgery of wedding planning.

14
00:01:32,003 --> 00:01:32,975
Something fun.

15
00:01:33,017 --> 00:01:35,077
Mailbox baseball in Beverly Hills?

16
00:01:35,119 --> 00:01:36,845
'Shrooms at the Museum of Tolerance?

17
00:01:36,887 --> 00:01:38,447
Egging golfers as Griffith Park?

18
00:01:38,489 --> 00:01:40,432
No. Even better.

19
00:01:41,058 --> 00:01:43,689
- Fuck Week.
- Fuck Week.

20
00:01:43,731 --> 00:01:46,055
Fuck Week. For a week,

21
00:01:46,097 --> 00:01:48,023
we can sleep with whomever we like...

22
00:01:48,065 --> 00:01:49,223
In.

23
00:01:50,750 --> 00:01:52,027
You know, to get it out of our systems.

24
00:01:52,069 --> 00:01:53,158
Got it. I'm in.

25
00:01:54,131 --> 00:01:56,876
Oh. Well... wonderful.

26
00:01:56,918 --> 00:01:59,635
Ground rules. Safety is mandatory.
Otherwise, no limits.

27
00:01:59,677 --> 00:02:01,804
Location: anywhere but here and
the Cheesecake Factory bathroom.

28
00:02:01,846 --> 00:02:04,940
That's ours. 2:01 next Sunday, it ends.

29
00:02:04,982 --> 00:02:07,109
Have you done this before?

30
00:02:07,151 --> 00:02:08,844
Good?

31
00:02:08,886 --> 00:02:10,793
- Fuck Week?
- Fuck Week.

32
00:02:25,623 --> 00:02:31,061
Sync and corrections by btsix
www.addic7ed.com

33
00:02:31,086 --> 00:02:32,536
_

34
00:02:34,528 --> 00:02:37,020
_

35
00:03:05,443 --> 00:03:08,537
Oh! Gretch! I have a sitch
with Sam and the guys.

36
00:03:08,579 --> 00:03:10,205
Just leak Sam's tuck shots.

37
00:03:10,247 --> 00:03:11,707
That should buy you a couple weeks.

38
00:03:11,749 --> 00:03:13,376
They want me to publicize
their new track,

39
00:03:13,418 --> 00:03:14,442
but it's really bad.

40
00:03:14,484 --> 00:03:18,013
Like, Vietnam bad.
Wait. Was Vietnam bad?

41
00:03:18,055 --> 00:03:21,049
Listen, I just really don't
have time to hold your hand

42
00:03:21,091 --> 00:03:23,526
through this one. Jimmy proposed

43
00:03:23,568 --> 00:03:25,754
that we have sex with other
people for the week!

44
00:03:25,796 --> 00:03:27,875
- Oh!
- Oh, my God, Gretch.

45
00:03:27,917 --> 00:03:31,415
Let's go day-dicking like we used to.

46
00:03:31,457 --> 00:03:32,781
We'll go to Barney's Beanery,

47
00:03:32,823 --> 00:03:34,763
the Museum of Tolerance,
Trader Joe's on La Brea...

48
00:03:34,805 --> 00:03:36,865
That's the one with all
the hip fuck-dads.

49
00:03:36,907 --> 00:03:38,767
And Runyon Canyon for fit dick.

50
00:03:38,809 --> 00:03:41,301
Mrs. Cutler? Nock Nock is here.

51
00:03:42,954 --> 00:03:44,799
Send him in.

52
00:03:44,841 --> 00:03:46,993
And, by the way,
Mrs. Cutler is my bitch mom.

53
00:03:52,089 --> 00:03:54,139
I have a quick signing meeting.

54
00:03:54,181 --> 00:03:55,800
Let me make this kid's day.

55
00:03:55,842 --> 00:03:59,455
Then you and I can head
down to dick island!

56
00:03:59,497 --> 00:04:02,463
2:00 p.m., Runyon Canyon,
by the dog water fountain.

57
00:04:02,505 --> 00:04:06,353
And remember, Gretch, guys with
golden retrievers eat pussy.

58
00:04:11,343 --> 00:04:13,434
Nock Nock, hi.

59
00:04:13,476 --> 00:04:15,684
I'm Gretchen. So nice to meet you.

60
00:04:16,331 --> 00:04:17,756
Have a seat.

61
00:04:18,616 --> 00:04:20,916
I'll just jump right in.

62
00:04:20,958 --> 00:04:23,918
Here at Caliber, we do
PR and brand management

63
00:04:23,960 --> 00:04:26,301
for some of the biggest
artists worldwide.

64
00:04:26,343 --> 00:04:28,016
And we want to work with you.

65
00:04:28,058 --> 00:04:30,527
- Congratulations.
- Okay.

66
00:04:30,569 --> 00:04:32,346
Everyone will know your name.

67
00:04:32,388 --> 00:04:34,236
How did you get your name, by the way?

68
00:04:34,278 --> 00:04:36,124
Been hearing it my whole life.

69
00:04:36,166 --> 00:04:38,615
- Knock-knock jokes?
- Nah.

70
00:04:38,657 --> 00:04:40,570
We didn't have a doorbell.

71
00:04:41,418 --> 00:04:42,781
Or a door.

72
00:04:44,212 --> 00:04:47,470
Okay. Uh, should we make this "offish"?

73
00:04:47,512 --> 00:04:50,609
Cool. I'll take a look at that
when I hear your full pitch.

74
00:04:51,603 --> 00:04:52,641
Strategy,

75
00:04:52,683 --> 00:04:54,549
targets, concept art.

76
00:04:54,591 --> 00:04:57,980
Of course. Sure. My full pitch.

77
00:04:58,022 --> 00:05:00,617
Great. We'll set something up.

78
00:05:01,909 --> 00:05:04,217
Fu...

79
00:05:08,551 --> 00:05:09,815
_

80
00:05:09,857 --> 00:05:12,335
? Drug song ?

81
00:05:12,377 --> 00:05:15,333
? It's my drug song ?

82
00:05:15,375 --> 00:05:17,539
- ? Drug song... ?
- JIMMY: Well, this is

83
00:05:17,581 --> 00:05:20,959
an incongruous costume for you...
"Person Who Cares About Work."

84
00:05:21,001 --> 00:05:24,586
This signing should be a layup, but no.

85
00:05:24,628 --> 00:05:26,736
The hillbilly marathoned Shark Tank,

86
00:05:26,778 --> 00:05:28,226
and now he knows what a pitch is.

87
00:05:28,268 --> 00:05:29,950
And now that Yvette made
me care about my job,

88
00:05:29,992 --> 00:05:32,080
I have to land him, and I hate it.

89
00:05:32,122 --> 00:05:34,534
Oh. Booty text?

90
00:05:34,576 --> 00:05:37,117
Sam. He's pissed he hasn't heard

91
00:05:37,159 --> 00:05:38,777
their song on the radio yet.

92
00:05:38,819 --> 00:05:40,779
Huh.

93
00:05:41,575 --> 00:05:44,213
Oh. Sorry.

94
00:05:44,255 --> 00:05:45,884
- This is awkward.
- No!

95
00:05:45,926 --> 00:05:48,286
It's Fuck Week.

96
00:05:48,328 --> 00:05:51,389
As soon as I get this goddamn
pitch done, I'm gonna be

97
00:05:51,431 --> 00:05:53,709
balls deep in balls.

98
00:05:54,327 --> 00:05:56,175
Thanks, Edgar.

99
00:05:59,103 --> 00:06:00,731
- _
- GRETCHEN: Then,

100
00:06:00,773 --> 00:06:02,683
the day your new video drops,

101
00:06:02,725 --> 00:06:06,505
only your face... not your
name... Is on billboards.

102
00:06:06,547 --> 00:06:08,240
People will look up and ask...

103
00:06:08,282 --> 00:06:10,408
"Who's there?"

104
00:06:10,450 --> 00:06:12,648
Answer: Nock Nock.

105
00:06:14,817 --> 00:06:17,260
Good job. I can see
you worked real hard.

106
00:06:17,302 --> 00:06:19,363
Great. Then let's sign that contract.

107
00:06:19,405 --> 00:06:20,764
Listen, Gretchen, there's something

108
00:06:20,806 --> 00:06:22,265
you got to know about me.

109
00:06:22,307 --> 00:06:25,466
I made everything out
of dirt. Whole scratch.

110
00:06:25,508 --> 00:06:27,238
I'm out here alone since I was 15.

111
00:06:27,280 --> 00:06:29,473
Mushing. Rectify.

112
00:06:29,515 --> 00:06:33,091
"Knock Knock." "Come in." You know?

113
00:06:34,132 --> 00:06:35,888
Plus, I got Charles.

114
00:06:43,416 --> 00:06:45,491
I got to take Charles to volleyball.

115
00:06:46,286 --> 00:06:47,604
I believe in you, Gretchen.

116
00:06:47,646 --> 00:06:48,923
Full heart.

117
00:06:53,539 --> 00:06:55,399
What the hell, Gretch?!

118
00:06:55,441 --> 00:06:57,067
I actually had to hike yesterday

119
00:06:57,109 --> 00:06:59,302
because I thought I
went to the wrong side.

120
00:06:59,344 --> 00:07:01,838
- You didn't get laid?
- Of course I got laid.

121
00:07:01,880 --> 00:07:04,901
- Did he have a golden retriever?
- No.

122
00:07:04,943 --> 00:07:06,462
A Rottweiler.

123
00:07:06,504 --> 00:07:08,079
Jesus, are you okay?

124
00:07:08,121 --> 00:07:10,543
- Sam's on the phone for you.
- She's not here!

125
00:07:12,090 --> 00:07:14,375
I killed Sam's garbage track.

126
00:07:14,417 --> 00:07:15,501
Wait a sec.

127
00:07:15,543 --> 00:07:17,888
You killed it as in you
called every radio station

128
00:07:17,930 --> 00:07:20,724
and media outlet and convinced
them not to play the track

129
00:07:20,766 --> 00:07:22,395
even though they'd already received it?

130
00:07:22,437 --> 00:07:24,834
And I still found time to get all in it.

131
00:07:24,876 --> 00:07:26,636
Ugh. You know what? You're right.

132
00:07:26,678 --> 00:07:28,703
You and Jimmy are both pulling tail.

133
00:07:28,745 --> 00:07:31,411
- Screw this.
- There's my girl.

134
00:07:31,453 --> 00:07:33,907
Tomorrow night, Soho House.

135
00:07:33,949 --> 00:07:36,708
Gretchen goes to slam town.

136
00:07:36,733 --> 00:07:38,333
_

137
00:07:39,591 --> 00:07:41,672
Come here, say hi. I'm dying.

138
00:07:41,697 --> 00:07:44,733
Oh, uh... Oh, I should
really take a shower.

139
00:07:45,624 --> 00:07:47,813
Jesus, did you bone a catfish?

140
00:07:47,855 --> 00:07:50,631
Oh. Fuck Week.

141
00:07:50,673 --> 00:07:52,800
- Fuck Week!
- So you're ready

142
00:07:52,842 --> 00:07:55,603
- to finally go out, huh?
- As soon

143
00:07:55,645 --> 00:07:59,219
as I finish this target
monetization strat for Nock Nock.

144
00:07:59,261 --> 00:08:01,274
If I can increase his engagement levels,

145
00:08:01,316 --> 00:08:03,826
land him a few key endorsements...

146
00:08:03,868 --> 00:08:07,045
Ooh! Maybe I can get him a Waze channel?

147
00:08:13,161 --> 00:08:14,488
- _
- NOCK NOCK: I'm not in it

148
00:08:14,530 --> 00:08:16,490
for the money, never have been.

149
00:08:17,130 --> 00:08:19,126
You kidding?

150
00:08:19,168 --> 00:08:21,061
- Ooh!
- Guys!

151
00:08:21,103 --> 00:08:22,730
Guys, I am in a meeting.

152
00:08:22,772 --> 00:08:24,172
Lindsay tanked our release.

153
00:08:24,214 --> 00:08:27,034
Now no one's gonna hear our
fire-ass track of fire!

154
00:08:27,076 --> 00:08:29,236
I keep telling them the
track isn't ready.

155
00:08:29,278 --> 00:08:31,004
That's not your job, Messy bitch!

156
00:08:31,046 --> 00:08:33,140
Guys, that is exactly her job!

157
00:08:33,182 --> 00:08:35,316
- But who the hell is she to tell us shit?
- I am your publicist!

158
00:08:35,358 --> 00:08:36,977
- She's just some titty girl...
- That's who I am!

159
00:08:37,019 --> 00:08:38,272
- ...who used to hang out with you.
- I'm not some titty girl.

160
00:08:38,314 --> 00:08:39,412
- And now, we're supposed...
- That's insulting.

161
00:08:39,454 --> 00:08:40,673
- ...to listen to her? Her?
- I have a job, and...

162
00:08:40,715 --> 00:08:41,545
- Her?
- ...it's whatever Gretchen...

163
00:08:41,587 --> 00:08:42,831
- Her?
- ...said it was. Yes you are!

164
00:08:42,873 --> 00:08:44,446
May I hear the track?

165
00:08:48,029 --> 00:08:49,489
? Stand around while you watch ?

166
00:08:49,531 --> 00:08:50,681
- ? How the cookie crumbles ?
- ? Cookie! ?

167
00:08:50,723 --> 00:08:53,260
? People now, all your tracks,
mostly made of mumbles ?

168
00:08:53,302 --> 00:08:55,195
? Free-associatin' shit like a poet ?

169
00:08:55,237 --> 00:08:57,724
- ? Poetry! ?
- ? Lookin' fly in my whip... ?

170
00:08:57,766 --> 00:09:00,296
Forget we added that cookie line.

171
00:09:00,338 --> 00:09:03,170
That is so bad. What were
you guys even going for?

172
00:09:03,212 --> 00:09:05,773
We've been getting a lot
of moms at our shows,

173
00:09:05,815 --> 00:09:08,275
and... they're not even
coming to the after-party.

174
00:09:08,317 --> 00:09:10,010
We're losing relevance, bitch!

175
00:09:10,052 --> 00:09:12,846
Like Alanis Morissette
after Jagged Little Pill.

176
00:09:12,888 --> 00:09:15,448
You got a wild track in there,

177
00:09:15,490 --> 00:09:17,718
but there's all this shit covering it.

178
00:09:17,760 --> 00:09:20,087
You got Corn Flakes and Lucky Charms

179
00:09:20,129 --> 00:09:21,722
and Cocoa Puffs.

180
00:09:22,484 --> 00:09:24,269
But I just want a taste the milk.

181
00:09:25,134 --> 00:09:27,928
- Who the hell is this kid?!
- Guys...

182
00:09:27,970 --> 00:09:32,265
I told Lindsay to hold off
on releasing the song,

183
00:09:32,307 --> 00:09:36,704
because I wanted to link you
guys up with Nock Nock.

184
00:09:36,746 --> 00:09:38,474
He's untested but very promising.

185
00:09:38,516 --> 00:09:41,192
I think a collab with him

186
00:09:41,234 --> 00:09:43,443
could help you get your
track where you want it.

187
00:09:43,485 --> 00:09:46,546
I don't know this corny,
cereal-ass bitch!

188
00:09:46,588 --> 00:09:48,616
- Ah, yeah.
- He gets half a million

189
00:09:48,658 --> 00:09:50,150
monthly listens on SoundCloud.

190
00:09:50,192 --> 00:09:51,952
Nice to meet you. Nock Nock, is it?

191
00:09:51,994 --> 00:09:53,679
It'd be an honor to help you guys out.

192
00:09:53,721 --> 00:09:56,256
Big Titty Dreams got me
through my parents' divorce.

193
00:09:56,298 --> 00:09:59,178
- Oh.
- See? This is a perfect example

194
00:09:59,220 --> 00:10:02,489
of the extra cross-pollination
that Caliber can offer.

195
00:10:02,514 --> 00:10:04,138
I'm in.

196
00:10:06,125 --> 00:10:08,836
- So we good?
- We're not good, Gretch.

197
00:10:08,878 --> 00:10:10,437
You ditched me at Soho House,

198
00:10:10,479 --> 00:10:13,679
and I ended up pegging
an agent from APA.

199
00:10:14,739 --> 00:10:16,053
APA, Gretch.

200
00:10:16,095 --> 00:10:18,988
Oh, shit. You're on a Fuck Week?

201
00:10:19,030 --> 00:10:21,105
That's why you've been
ignoring my texts?

202
00:10:21,147 --> 00:10:23,664
Yes. Duh.

203
00:10:23,706 --> 00:10:25,431
Next time just say so.

204
00:10:30,216 --> 00:10:32,276
Thanks, fam.

205
00:10:32,318 --> 00:10:33,552
Okay.

206
00:10:37,890 --> 00:10:40,500
I did it! I got him! Can
you imagine how exciting

207
00:10:40,542 --> 00:10:42,692
this would be if he were actually good?

208
00:10:42,734 --> 00:10:44,145
We doing this?

209
00:10:45,120 --> 00:10:47,040
Hell yeah.

210
00:10:56,726 --> 00:10:59,452
Oh, these guys are so hot!

211
00:10:59,494 --> 00:11:03,023
I can't wait to put my
stuff in their stuff!

212
00:11:03,065 --> 00:11:04,925
Struggling actors are the best.

213
00:11:04,967 --> 00:11:06,326
They have so much to prove.

214
00:11:06,368 --> 00:11:08,662
Oh, where are those
dummies with our drinks?

215
00:11:08,704 --> 00:11:11,352
They better hurry, 'cause
I'm so ready to get down

216
00:11:11,394 --> 00:11:12,666
with their dicks.

217
00:11:12,708 --> 00:11:14,167
You okay?

218
00:11:14,209 --> 00:11:17,671
You're shaking, and your
eyeballs are real shiny.

219
00:11:17,713 --> 00:11:20,640
It's because I'm so
happy we're doing this.

220
00:11:20,682 --> 00:11:23,827
- You?
- Definitely! I am so pumped

221
00:11:23,869 --> 00:11:26,321
to bone down with some strange.

222
00:11:28,527 --> 00:11:30,018
But you don't have to.

223
00:11:30,060 --> 00:11:31,685
You've had a busy week.

224
00:11:31,727 --> 00:11:34,984
My hood is extremely chapped.
But I'm still down if you are.

225
00:11:35,026 --> 00:11:37,544
Unless... you want to go.

226
00:11:37,586 --> 00:11:39,106
I mean...

227
00:11:39,148 --> 00:11:40,859
in a way...

228
00:11:40,901 --> 00:11:43,720
that might be the crazier thing to do.

229
00:11:43,762 --> 00:11:44,907
No one would see it coming.

230
00:11:47,442 --> 00:11:49,336
I don't wanna do this, either!

231
00:11:49,378 --> 00:11:52,152
Oh, I'm calling it. Fuck Week's done.

232
00:11:52,194 --> 00:11:53,707
Oh, thank God.

233
00:11:53,749 --> 00:11:57,486
For real, I just want to find
my forever dick, Gretch.

234
00:11:57,528 --> 00:11:59,553
I have this gross feeling.

235
00:12:00,169 --> 00:12:03,389
Maybe I'm actually fulfilled by my job.

236
00:12:03,864 --> 00:12:06,794
Like, maybe it's not just
someplace for me to go

237
00:12:06,836 --> 00:12:08,688
to nap under my desk anymore.

238
00:12:08,730 --> 00:12:11,524
And instead of celebrating
this win with a bunch of dick,

239
00:12:11,566 --> 00:12:14,762
all I want to do is go
home and tell Jimmy.

240
00:12:14,804 --> 00:12:16,764
Oh, can I crash at your place tonight?

241
00:12:16,806 --> 00:12:18,866
I'm sick of hearing Becca
and Vernon whisper-fight

242
00:12:18,908 --> 00:12:21,994
over whose turn it is to
rinse out Tallulah's eye.

243
00:12:24,163 --> 00:12:26,866
- Can I borrow your lip balm?
- Mm.

244
00:12:33,155 --> 00:12:35,415
Ah...

245
00:12:40,012 --> 00:12:41,388
Oh, shit.

246
00:12:41,430 --> 00:12:42,956
Ew.

247
00:12:42,998 --> 00:12:45,759
Look at Jimmy's Instagram.
What a pale booty.

248
00:12:45,801 --> 00:12:48,379
Geez, have some standards, Jimmy.

249
00:12:48,421 --> 00:12:49,856
Good night, Lindser.

250
00:12:53,545 --> 00:12:56,895
Hey, Jimmy, I forgive you for
hooking up with such a flat butt.

251
00:12:56,920 --> 00:12:59,002
Make room. I'm coming to spoon you.

252
00:12:59,044 --> 00:13:00,340
Jimmy?

253
00:13:00,382 --> 00:13:01,641
Jim...

254
00:13:26,270 --> 00:13:27,536
_

255
00:13:30,465 --> 00:13:33,119
_

256
00:13:40,962 --> 00:13:43,309
You're Jimmy Shive-Overly!

257
00:13:43,351 --> 00:13:45,078
I love you!

258
00:13:45,120 --> 00:13:46,680
Sorry.

259
00:13:46,973 --> 00:13:48,699
Are you alone?

260
00:13:48,724 --> 00:13:51,106
- Can I join you?
- Sorry, I'm on a deadline.

261
00:13:56,963 --> 00:13:58,191
_

262
00:14:10,178 --> 00:14:11,772
? Cookin' it, cookin' it,
cookin' it, cookin' it ?

263
00:14:11,814 --> 00:14:13,106
? Cookin' it to the spoon ?

264
00:14:13,148 --> 00:14:14,675
? Catch me, mama ?

265
00:14:14,717 --> 00:14:16,643
? In your trap house
eating macaroons... ?

266
00:14:18,005 --> 00:14:19,300
There you are. Food's here.

267
00:14:19,325 --> 00:14:20,613
Mnm, yum!

268
00:14:20,655 --> 00:14:22,233
? Druggy drug drug song... ?

269
00:14:22,275 --> 00:14:23,263
_

270
00:14:23,305 --> 00:14:26,810
Last night was mindboggling.

271
00:14:26,852 --> 00:14:28,530
Am I still a little tender?

272
00:14:28,572 --> 00:14:29,790
Yes.

273
00:14:29,832 --> 00:14:31,992
Well, I didn't know it
could bend that way.

274
00:14:32,034 --> 00:14:34,022
You should be in Cirque du Soleil.

275
00:14:34,064 --> 00:14:36,289
- What, tonight?
- Is Gretchen here?

276
00:14:39,391 --> 00:14:40,867
I can't believe you're
cheating on Gretchen,

277
00:14:40,909 --> 00:14:42,309
after everything you've

278
00:14:42,351 --> 00:14:44,129
- been through.
- I'm not cheating.

279
00:14:44,171 --> 00:14:46,735
It's Fuck Week. It's a week during which

280
00:14:46,777 --> 00:14:48,008
- both parties...
- It's in the name.

281
00:14:48,050 --> 00:14:49,375
But, twist:

282
00:14:49,417 --> 00:14:51,712
I am not doing any cocksmanning.

283
00:14:51,754 --> 00:14:54,014
Ho-ho! What?!

284
00:14:54,056 --> 00:14:58,018
I'm abstaining, because I've
already participated in Fuck Week.

285
00:14:58,060 --> 00:15:00,211
I just did it before
the official kickoff.

286
00:15:00,253 --> 00:15:02,756
- What do you mean?
- Well, having received...

287
00:15:02,798 --> 00:15:06,059
underwhelming fellatio from a florist,

288
00:15:06,101 --> 00:15:09,354
I've contrived this brief fermata

289
00:15:09,396 --> 00:15:10,731
in our carnal fealty

290
00:15:10,773 --> 00:15:13,399
to allow Gretchen to get even

291
00:15:13,441 --> 00:15:15,268
- Hmm.
- Without her ever knowing

292
00:15:15,310 --> 00:15:18,104
that there was a connubial
imbalance in the first place.

293
00:15:18,146 --> 00:15:19,840
So you did...

294
00:15:19,882 --> 00:15:21,708
cheat on Gretchen,

295
00:15:21,750 --> 00:15:24,945
and only suggested Fuck Week as a scam

296
00:15:24,987 --> 00:15:28,081
to get rid of your guilt without
ever owning up to what you did.

297
00:15:28,123 --> 00:15:30,416
- To the simpleton.
- Oh, so, what,

298
00:15:30,458 --> 00:15:32,552
Gretchen sleeps with a bunch of guys...

299
00:15:32,594 --> 00:15:34,755
Won't you be jealous?

300
00:15:34,797 --> 00:15:37,690
- I am post-jealousy.
- Uh-huh.

301
00:15:37,732 --> 00:15:41,261
But, as it turns out, Gretchen
is too busy with work,

302
00:15:41,303 --> 00:15:43,596
as ludicrous as that sentence sounds,

303
00:15:43,638 --> 00:15:46,733
thus downgrading my plan to "flawed."

304
00:15:46,775 --> 00:15:48,701
Just be honest with her.

305
00:15:48,743 --> 00:15:50,436
Be Jimmy.

306
00:15:50,478 --> 00:15:52,906
Hmm. "Being Jimmy"

307
00:15:52,948 --> 00:15:56,989
means that, upon hearing advice
from Dim Roommate Edgar,

308
00:15:57,031 --> 00:16:00,781
I should immediately reject said
advice and do the opposite.

309
00:16:00,823 --> 00:16:03,649
It's settled, then. I shall double down

310
00:16:03,691 --> 00:16:05,752
and lean into the
illusion to motivate her.

311
00:16:05,794 --> 00:16:08,012
Good backwards advice, Edgar.

312
00:16:08,054 --> 00:16:10,254
You've accidentally done it again.

313
00:16:12,217 --> 00:16:13,227
- _
- JIMMY: All right,

314
00:16:13,269 --> 00:16:14,659
start slow.

315
00:16:14,701 --> 00:16:16,050
Ease into it.

316
00:16:16,075 --> 00:16:19,230
The right amount of
suction is imperative.

317
00:16:19,255 --> 00:16:22,263
Firm, but with an intermediate
amount of pressure.

318
00:16:22,305 --> 00:16:24,073
Bit of moisture should help it along,

319
00:16:24,115 --> 00:16:25,987
and remember: no teeth.

320
00:16:26,029 --> 00:16:28,044
I've done this before, honey.

321
00:16:31,296 --> 00:16:32,422
So, where do you want me?

322
00:16:32,912 --> 00:16:34,521
Right...

323
00:16:35,149 --> 00:16:36,242
here.

324
00:16:55,762 --> 00:16:57,823
Come here, say hi. I'm dying.

325
00:16:57,865 --> 00:17:00,918
Oh, uh, well, I should
really take a shower.

326
00:17:04,992 --> 00:17:06,105
_

327
00:17:07,412 --> 00:17:09,883
Yo, why are you playing
vids during Fuck Week?

328
00:17:09,925 --> 00:17:11,284
How do you know about that?

329
00:17:11,326 --> 00:17:13,686
Your girl told me how
much she's fuckin'.

330
00:17:13,728 --> 00:17:15,655
She's probably pregnant by now.

331
00:17:15,697 --> 00:17:17,996
But she hasn't been doing it at all.

332
00:17:18,038 --> 00:17:19,725
She's been working, nonstop.

333
00:17:19,767 --> 00:17:22,195
- I've observed it myself.
- Fool.

334
00:17:22,237 --> 00:17:23,784
She's putting on a show.

335
00:17:23,826 --> 00:17:25,844
Bitch is a pathological liar

336
00:17:25,886 --> 00:17:27,870
who's weeks away from getting that ring.

337
00:17:27,912 --> 00:17:29,802
She gonna lie even more now.

338
00:17:29,844 --> 00:17:32,705
Once, when she spilled
chocolate on her pants,

339
00:17:32,747 --> 00:17:35,175
she told the dry cleaners
that she'd shit herself

340
00:17:35,217 --> 00:17:37,310
because she didn't
want him to judge her.

341
00:17:37,352 --> 00:17:39,382
You played yourself, man.

342
00:17:39,424 --> 00:17:42,215
You let the Hamburglar into
McDonald's on the honor system

343
00:17:42,257 --> 00:17:44,916
and you're sitting around here
just playing video games?

344
00:17:44,958 --> 00:17:47,720
Thinking your burgers
are safe? Your burgers

345
00:17:47,762 --> 00:17:49,255
are not safe!

346
00:17:51,133 --> 00:17:53,193
You're so stupid, Jimmy.

347
00:17:53,235 --> 00:17:54,760
Oh!

348
00:17:54,989 --> 00:17:56,817
Game over!

349
00:18:02,989 --> 00:18:05,458
Stupid, stupid, stupid!

350
00:18:06,457 --> 00:18:08,202
Your burgers are not safe.

351
00:18:08,797 --> 00:18:10,693
I've lethally miscalculated.

352
00:18:10,718 --> 00:18:12,212
I thought that it would make it even,

353
00:18:12,254 --> 00:18:14,180
but it's not remotely even.

354
00:18:14,222 --> 00:18:16,618
I have to sleep with
one person, at least.

355
00:18:16,660 --> 00:18:20,253
And Gretchen is fucking so many guys.

356
00:18:20,295 --> 00:18:23,223
So, so many.

357
00:18:23,265 --> 00:18:25,029
I thought you were post-jealousy.

358
00:18:25,071 --> 00:18:28,235
I am now mid-post jealousy.

359
00:18:28,867 --> 00:18:31,431
Oh, look! Ecstasy.

360
00:18:31,473 --> 00:18:34,182
Just the elixir I need to get
into the perfect mindset.

361
00:18:35,703 --> 00:18:36,950
Hmm, a bit crumbly.

362
00:18:36,975 --> 00:18:38,822
Better take two to ensure efficacy.

363
00:18:39,747 --> 00:18:41,983
When was the last time
you wore that jacket?

364
00:18:42,646 --> 00:18:45,411
Hmm, can't have been that long ago.

365
00:18:45,453 --> 00:18:48,048
Oh, look. My old Zune.

366
00:19:00,039 --> 00:19:01,199
I'm going home.

367
00:19:01,224 --> 00:19:03,110
I get screwed enough at work.

368
00:19:16,091 --> 00:19:17,661
Am I sweating?

369
00:19:21,489 --> 00:19:24,750
Let's go, pal! Open up!

370
00:19:24,792 --> 00:19:25,957
Dude, come on!

371
00:19:25,999 --> 00:19:27,320
- Night, night.
- Let's go, buddy.

372
00:19:27,362 --> 00:19:29,846
Pee and go, my man.

373
00:19:34,035 --> 00:19:35,168
_

374
00:19:43,224 --> 00:19:44,899
Ew.

375
00:19:44,941 --> 00:19:47,402
Rough night, huh, buddy?

376
00:19:47,444 --> 00:19:48,570
Winning!

377
00:19:48,612 --> 00:19:51,154
'Twas a crazy night, indeed.

378
00:19:52,866 --> 00:19:55,144
- You off?
- Of course.

379
00:19:55,186 --> 00:19:56,978
Last day of Fuck Week.

380
00:19:57,020 --> 00:19:58,819
Oh, well.

381
00:19:58,861 --> 00:20:00,482
Go, go have fun.

382
00:20:00,524 --> 00:20:03,800
You're so cool, Jimmy. I
can't wait to marry you.

383
00:20:03,842 --> 00:20:06,746
Now I'm going to go get some dick.

384
00:20:06,788 --> 00:20:08,545
Climb on all the dicks.

385
00:20:10,491 --> 00:20:14,596
Thank God Gretchen's finally
getting in the goddamn game.

386
00:20:14,638 --> 00:20:16,738
What do you mean, "finally"?

387
00:20:16,780 --> 00:20:19,101
She called off her only
attempt at Fuck Week

388
00:20:19,143 --> 00:20:21,240
to come home to you, like a lame-o.

389
00:20:21,282 --> 00:20:22,937
But you were out squirting on dicks,

390
00:20:22,979 --> 00:20:24,692
like you should be, playa.

391
00:20:24,734 --> 00:20:27,203
Thank God you posted that gross,

392
00:20:27,245 --> 00:20:28,963
pasty-ass girl butt on your Insta.

393
00:20:29,005 --> 00:20:31,154
It's what finally motivated
her to go dick hunting.

394
00:20:31,867 --> 00:20:33,782
That was my butt.

395
00:20:33,824 --> 00:20:36,218
What?!

396
00:20:36,260 --> 00:20:38,120
That flat-booty bitch was you?

397
00:20:38,162 --> 00:20:40,922
I didn't fuck during Fuck Week.

398
00:20:40,964 --> 00:20:42,640
What?

399
00:20:42,682 --> 00:20:45,227
So neither of you goobers
have been banging at all?

400
00:20:45,269 --> 00:20:48,230
Yeah, Gretchen has. Sam told me.

401
00:20:48,272 --> 00:20:50,199
She lied to Sam to look cool.

402
00:20:50,241 --> 00:20:52,367
God. You both

403
00:20:52,409 --> 00:20:54,872
are such gigantic losers.

404
00:20:54,914 --> 00:20:57,139
And I'm the only one who
fucked during Fuck Week,

405
00:20:57,181 --> 00:20:58,740
and it wasn't even my Fuck Week.

406
00:20:58,782 --> 00:21:00,041
Well, Gretchen's about to do it.

407
00:21:00,083 --> 00:21:01,776
Yeah, she is.

408
00:21:01,818 --> 00:21:03,637
Thanks to you.

409
00:21:10,644 --> 00:21:12,454
Where are you now?

410
00:21:15,418 --> 00:21:16,869
Jealousy.

411
00:21:18,386 --> 00:21:19,828
Yeah.

412
00:21:52,836 --> 00:21:54,929
Wha...?

413
00:21:54,971 --> 00:21:56,665
Oh, you're home.

414
00:21:56,707 --> 00:22:00,034
Jimmy, thank you so much
for suggesting Fuck Week.

415
00:22:00,076 --> 00:22:01,636
Oh, no problem.

416
00:22:01,678 --> 00:22:03,705
No, really.

417
00:22:03,747 --> 00:22:07,166
To be perfectly honest, it sounded fun,

418
00:22:07,208 --> 00:22:09,878
but I just wasn't feeling it
at first, which worried me.

419
00:22:09,920 --> 00:22:13,065
So tonight I had meaningless
sex with a rando.

420
00:22:13,107 --> 00:22:15,638
Oh. That's great, great to hear.

421
00:22:15,680 --> 00:22:17,486
And, well, Jimmy, it made me realize

422
00:22:17,528 --> 00:22:19,989
I don't want to do that anymore.

423
00:22:20,031 --> 00:22:22,017
I'm happy being with just you.

424
00:22:22,059 --> 00:22:24,022
And I'm not even lying to myself, which,

425
00:22:24,064 --> 00:22:26,461
if I'm not lying to someone
else is usually the case.

426
00:22:26,503 --> 00:22:28,320
But it's true.

427
00:22:28,362 --> 00:22:30,435
I just want you.

428
00:22:31,741 --> 00:22:34,869
Did it work for you? You get
it out of your system, too?

429
00:22:34,911 --> 00:22:37,339
I actually realized that I
didn't need it before you did,

430
00:22:37,381 --> 00:22:39,849
so... I didn't partake.

431
00:22:41,162 --> 00:22:42,426
Yes, you did.

432
00:22:42,468 --> 00:22:46,147
The lipstick, the
hickey, the Insta-butt?

433
00:22:46,189 --> 00:22:49,484
Yeah, well, I didn't want to
take Fuck Week away from you,

434
00:22:49,526 --> 00:22:53,516
so I just faked it for your benefit.

435
00:22:55,148 --> 00:22:57,859
No! No!

436
00:22:57,901 --> 00:22:59,661
Jimmy! But I did,

437
00:22:59,703 --> 00:23:02,964
which means now we're going
into our marriage unequal.

438
00:23:02,989 --> 00:23:05,834
No, no, no, no, no. No, no,
it's... it's okay, it's okay.

439
00:23:05,876 --> 00:23:09,591
I-I got my dick sucked, so, it's even.

440
00:23:09,616 --> 00:23:11,857
Oh, I thought you didn't
hook up this week.

441
00:23:13,567 --> 00:23:15,510
No, right. No.

442
00:23:15,552 --> 00:23:17,679
Didn't-didn't... didn't I say I...

443
00:23:17,721 --> 00:23:21,516
I actually had a small encounter, like,

444
00:23:21,558 --> 00:23:25,186
within the margin of error of said week.

445
00:23:25,228 --> 00:23:26,955
Margin of error? What does that mean?

446
00:23:26,997 --> 00:23:29,258
Oh, it's f... it's funny.
Do you remember

447
00:23:29,300 --> 00:23:33,230
when I picked out centerpieces
alone l-last week?

448
00:23:33,272 --> 00:23:34,796
Because I was working.

449
00:23:34,838 --> 00:23:37,854
Yeah. Yeah, well, while
y-you were doing that...

450
00:23:39,094 --> 00:23:41,903
the florist, you know,

451
00:23:41,945 --> 00:23:45,253
she kind of, um... she sucked my dick.

452
00:23:46,434 --> 00:23:49,010
You... you remember, because y-you said

453
00:23:49,052 --> 00:23:51,365
that I wasn't... I wasn't a bad boy.

454
00:23:51,407 --> 00:23:54,048
Remember? So, yeah, yeah, technically,

455
00:23:54,090 --> 00:23:57,085
it happened before the commencement.

456
00:23:57,127 --> 00:23:59,788
But that is splitting hairs,

457
00:23:59,830 --> 00:24:02,122
really, because

458
00:24:02,164 --> 00:24:04,259
we both came to the same conclusion.

459
00:24:04,301 --> 00:24:06,979
That we don't want that anymore.

460
00:24:07,021 --> 00:24:09,181
So, yay, us.

461
00:24:10,391 --> 00:24:11,871
So, wait...

462
00:24:12,709 --> 00:24:14,712
you did all of this...

463
00:24:15,211 --> 00:24:17,639
Suggested Fuck Week, went
to elaborate lengths

464
00:24:17,681 --> 00:24:19,808
to make it seem like you were fucking...

465
00:24:19,850 --> 00:24:22,076
So I'd fuck someone, even
though I didn't want to,

466
00:24:22,118 --> 00:24:24,145
just so you could feel
better about yourself?

467
00:24:24,187 --> 00:24:26,014
Well, um, uh, I mean,
when you put it that way,

468
00:24:26,056 --> 00:24:28,016
it does sound a bit foolish.

469
00:24:28,058 --> 00:24:31,353
No. I'm impressed.

470
00:24:32,364 --> 00:24:33,324
You are?

471
00:24:33,349 --> 00:24:35,990
Makes me feel better to know
you're as big of a dishonest,

472
00:24:36,032 --> 00:24:38,360
disgusting fucking liar as I am.

473
00:24:41,738 --> 00:24:43,637
Good night, Jimmy.

474
00:24:47,843 --> 00:24:53,294
Sync and corrections by btsix
www.addic7ed.com