It should come as no surprise
that the very first grade I ever received
was a "super-duper."
Granted it was for counting spots on a ladybug,
but still, I nailed it.
Even as the difficulty of assignments grew,
I maintained the same level of excellence.
Good job, Cooper.
That's just sad, Cooper.
In every class, in every subject,
I was perfect.
Which is why this day hit me like a ton of bricks.
Hey, moonpie.
Ready to go?
Look at this.
95? That's terrific.
No. If it was terrific, it would say 100
with the word "terrific" next to it.
Don't sweat it, you'll get 100 next time.
But I should have gotten it this time.
Dr. Sturgis made a mistake.
And we're sweatin' it.
Dr. Sturgis, I believe you've made an error grading my test.
Let me see.
No, you didn't calculate using Maxwell's equations.
Maxwell's equation my sweet patootie!
You like Willie Nelson?
That would require knowing the permeability
of free space and natural units.
I suppose...
I like Willie Nelson.
...an electric field, but that would still require...
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Morning, Peg.
I need to run Sunday's bulletin
by Pastor Jeff. Is he in?
Yep.
Is he coming down with somethin'?
Yep.
Oh, my, are you sick, too?
Never better.
Okay.
Hello.
Oh, hey, Mary, come on in.
I-I'm fine here.
Um, I have Sunday's bulletin
for your approval. And I wanted to ask about
ordering the palms for Palm Sunday.
I know it's early, but as you remember last year,
we waited too long and First United Methodist
snatched up all the perky ones.
Ooh.
Should you be here right now? You look terrible.
I feel terrible.
Well, then go home, let your wife take care of you.
You'd think she'd do that, but no.
Ooh. Well, you should at least go see a doctor.
I can't. The Walker couple is coming in for counseling.
If you rescheduled, I'm sure they'd understand.
Hey, what if you did it?
Marriage counseling?
Don't you need some sort of training for that?
Nah, you just listen, uh,
give 'em a couple prayers, send 'em on their way.
- Okay, if you really want me to. - I do.
In fact, for the rest of the day, you're in charge.
All right? The bulletins, the palms, it's all you.
Well, all right, um,
but only if you promise to go home and get some rest.
Sure. Home, movie theater, food court, somewhere.
Today we're gonna work on interior angles
of a convex polygon.
Georgie, where's your brother?
I don't know, do you really want him here?
Convex polygons are polygons...
Sheldon, why aren't you in second period?
I'm working on this math problem.
I think you might be the first person in history
who's ever cut class to do math.
The irony wasn't lost on me.
Oh, hey, 95. Good job.
Really? I'm here every day
and it's like you don't know me at all.
Oh, okay. Um...
aw, 95, too bad.
There we go.
Anything you can tell me about the Walkers?
Not really, just a couple of newlyweds
trying to figure it out.
Well, marriage is hard.
- I'll never know. - Oh...
don't think that way.
I'm sure there's someone out there for you.
Oh, no, that's not the problem.
I just don't want to waste this on just one guy.
Sorry we're late.
Someone couldn't decide on a hat.
- Sorry. - Oh, that's all right.
Hi, I'm Mary Cooper, I'm gonna be doing your session today.
Oh, what happened to Pastor Jeff?
He's out sick and asked me to fill in.
- Oh, okay. - But don't worry,
you're in good hands. I've been married for 15 years
and whatever you're going through,
I'm sure I've been through it several times.
Francine?
I dig your hat.
So when we first started dating,
he would plan these elaborate picnics by the lake...
You know, like a real picnic with the red and white blanket.
- Oh, gingham, sweetie, it's called gingham. - Yeah.
And after you got married,
all the picnics and wooing ended?
No, no, not at all. No.
In fact, Elliot's more dotin' than ever.
He knows that tulips are my favorite,
so every week there's a fresh-cut bouquet
on my nightstand.
I own the flower shop across from the post office.
Well, y'all seem hunky-dory.
I'm confused, what's the issue?
Well, um, we're having trouble in the, you know...
The bedroom.
Oh.
Sheldon, what are you doing here?
They wouldn't let me use the phone in the principal's office.
Who are you calling?
Dr. Sturgis... It's a math emergency.
Don't you think
you should've asked my permission first?
It's ringing. Yes or no?
You know what? I don't care.
Hello?
Dr. Sturgis, this is Sheldon. You're wrong and I can prove it.
Is that so?
It is so.
All right, little man, bring it on.
Go ahead, Sheldon, I'm all ears.
Well, when I'm done, you're going to be all tears.
Okay, fellas, let's keep it civil.
You claim that the only way to calculate the magnetic field
in QCD units is using Maxwell's equations,
but you're completely discrediting energy density.
But you're still off.
By a factor of 3.54.
Which would seem insignificant,
but when examined closely,
you realize that it's the square root of four times pi.
Your point being?
Rationalized and non-rationalized units
differ by four times pi...
Anyone with a basic knowledge of electric
and magnetic fields would know that.
I'm lost. Are we still being civil?
It's all right, Connie.
Sheldon's trying to justify his shortcut.
Not a shortcut,
a more elegant and efficient method
to achieve the correct answer.
Well, I applaud the effort, young man.
Don't treat me like a child, treat me like a colleague.
Fine. This is the stupidest thing I've ever seen.
How could you say that?!
What are you doing?
Treating him like a colleague.
Do you and your colleagues make each other
run out of the room crying like that?
Sometimes.
But we run slower, 'cause we're old.
And then he said, "For the rest of the day,
- you're in charge." - Mm.
Those were his exact words. Can you believe it?
"You're in charge."
- Well, that's great. - And thanks to me,
this year United Methodist is gonna get stuck
with all the limp palms.
Well, I don't know what that means, but good for you.
I even did some marriage counseling
for a couple of young newlyweds.
Ooh, what kind of trouble they having?
Oh, it's all confidential; I really can't say.
Well, I don't need specifics,
just, you know, general terms.
They're having sexual problems.
Really?
Newlyweds?
But we all prayed on it
and then the answer came clear as a bell.
Yeah?
The husband is under a lot of stress at work
and it's diminishing his natural desires.
Huh. What kind of work does he do
he's got so much stress?
He owns that flower shop across from the post office.
Flower shop. Huh.
You've seen it. It's called The Pretty Petunia.
Huh.
So, Sheldon,
you and Dr. Sturgis figure out
your math emergency?
I'd rather not talk about it.
Me neither.
That's probably for me.
I'm really getting popular.
What's a math emergency?
- That's when things don't add up. - Hello?
Oh, come on, guys, that was a good one.
Mom, it's Pastor Jeff!
Mm, excuse me.
To answer your question, Georgie,
it's when a scientist is too immature
to admit when he's wrong.
Maybe you're too immature.
Gentlemen, please.
I'm sorry, but when someone with way less experience
accuses me of not knowing
what I'm talking about, my hackles are up.
What's a hackle?
Well, if he's wrong, then teach him to be right
instead of berating him like a big ol' jackass.
That's very hurtful!
Well, how 'bout that?
They do run slower.
Good news! I get to go visit a shut-in.
What the hell is going on today?
It's open.
What's up, Schultz?
Haven't you learned that I know nothing, I see nothing...
Hello? Mr. Gilford?
Who are you?
Hi, I'm Mary Cooper from the church.
Pastor Jeff is out sick,
so he asked me to bring over your dinner.
- Steak fingers? - With extra gravy.
Where's my Mr. Pibb?
Oh, right here.
You want me to open it for you?
I've got hands.
Maybe while you eat we could chat a little.
I'm old, I'm alone, I'm gonna die soon.
- There, we've chatted. - Okay.
If you're not in the mood for conversation,
maybe there's something else I could do for you.
Haven't had a sponge bath in a while.
Does Pastor Jeff give you a sponge bath?
Sure does.
Mr. Gilford.
No...
- Lights out? - In a minute.
I may not understand exactly what's going on
with you and Dr. Sturgis, but you can't be rude to an adult.
What if they're wrong?
Doesn't matter. There are plenty of stupid people in the world,
but when they're older than you, you got to show them respect.
I understand, sir. Thank you for your incredibly wise advice.
Okay.
Did you just call Dad stupid without calling him stupid?
Yes.
Here, let me get that.
And, uh, while I'm cleaning up,
I could also tackle some of, um...
Don't touch anything! I like it the way it is.
Could I at least open a window, get you some fresh air?
It's not necessary. I've got some right here.
Mind if I make some room to sit?
You're staying?
Yes, I'm staying. I'm here to keep you company.
Why? So you'll look like some kind of Good Samaritan?
Because God calls on us to serve our fellow man.
Romans 12:13, "Share with the Lord's people who are..."
- What are you doing? - Quoting scripture.
Well, I don't want to hear that.
You don't want to hear the Bible?
Not from some woman.
- Excuse me? - Where have you been?
Women don't preach in our church.
Well, I'm not in our church, I'm in your living room,
which is, by the way, disgusting.
I'm sorry I called you a jackass.
A "big, old jackass."
But it's okay, I deserved it.
Don't be too hard on yourself.
Sheldon's always been difficult to deal with.
I'm not upset that he's difficult,
I'm upset that he's right.
Really?
And you're just now saying something?
Energy density, rationalized and non-rationalized units,
I can't believe I missed it.
Well, like you said, everybody makes a mistake.
But it was so obvious.
A younger me would've seen it.
I think I'm losing a step.
You're not alone.
The other night I had bingo for five moves, didn't even know it.
Were you drinking?
It's bingo, of course I was drinking.
Don't worry about it.
We'll lose a step together.
Thank you, Bonnie.
You see that? I made a joke about it.
- Never do it again. - Yes, ma'am.
- Hey, Sheldon. - Hello.
You get that test problem sorted out?
No, I'm afraid Dr. Sturgis and I are still at a math impasse.
- Oh, I hate those. - Thank you for asking.
I appreciate it. And how are you doing?
Since when are you interested?
My father told me I should be kind to old people.
How old do you think I am?
My father also told me if a woman ever asks you that,
it's a trap.
Smart man.
But I'll say 53.
Peg, we got any more of those fancy binder clips?
Bottom right drawer.
Oh! Um, hi.
Y...
You're back. Uh, feeling better?
No.
Then what are you doing here? Why aren't you home in bed?
Because not everybody has a happy marriage, Mary, okay?
Sorry.
How's everything going around here?
Really well. I had a lovely session with the Walkers.
I think that they're gonna be fruitful and multiplying soon.
And, um,
I had a visit with our shut-in, Mr. Gilford.
He's quite the character, isn't he?
- That's a nice way to put it. - Yeah, well, you got to
give him a pass, what with all he's been through.
What's he been through?
Mary, that man sitting all alone in that mess of a house
is a genuine war hero.
People like you and me'll never understand what he went through.
I didn't know.
Well, he sure won't talk about it. He give you a hard time?
Yeah, and-and I kind of gave him one right back.
Would you mind if I went back over there
and gave it another go?
By all means. I got to lay down.
Hey, Peg, if my wife calls, tell her...
You know what, oh, she's not gonna call.
Never mind.
Mr. Gilford, it's Mary Cooper again.
Mr. Gilford?
- You a relative? - No.
Friend?
I was trying.
Okay, well, sorry. Coroner's on his way.
Thank you.
This is some mess, huh?
It's how he liked it.
May I come in?
I guess.
I looked over your work again and, uh,
the math was correct.
Really?
You were right...
and I was, uh, wrong.
Sorry I doubted you.
Wow. It must be really hard for you to admit that.
Well, yes.
But, uh, I thought it could be a learning opportunity for you.
What do you mean?
I wanted to show you that being wrong
is not the end of the world.
Oh, okay. Thank you.
Dr. Sturgis was a wise man.
It was a learning opportunity.
And when the day comes that I'm wrong,
I fully plan to admit it.
Okay, before we finish up, I'd like to call up Mary Cooper,
who has a few words she'd like to say.
Thank you, Pastor Jeff.
As some of you might know,
we lost a member of our congregation.
James Gilford passed away earlier this week.
If that name isn't familiar to you,
don't feel bad, it wasn't to me either.
But in the last few days,
I've gotten to learn a little bit about him.
He was married to his wife, Meredith, for over 45 years,
he was a lieutenant in the Army,
and, forgive him for this,
a big fan of the Dallas Cowboys.
But even if you didn't know him, I hope that you'll still join me
in celebrating his life this Wednesday
at the American Legion. Thank you.
Oh, um, and if there's anyone who's able
to help me clean out his house, please let me know.
Ooh, you know I love to tackle clutter. We'll do it!
Oh, thank you.
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