1 00:00:28,087 --> 00:00:29,520 ? I found love ? 2 00:00:29,522 --> 00:00:32,190 ? Didn't even know I needed it ? 3 00:00:32,192 --> 00:00:33,824 ? But I found love ? 4 00:00:33,826 --> 00:00:36,561 ? Never even crossed my mind ? 5 00:00:36,563 --> 00:00:38,095 ? I found love ? 6 00:00:38,097 --> 00:00:40,831 ? Had a garden, never weeded it ? 7 00:00:40,833 --> 00:00:42,566 ? But I found love ? 8 00:00:42,568 --> 00:00:45,535 ? Took an apple just in time ? 9 00:00:45,537 --> 00:00:49,872 ? I found love in the fall ? 10 00:00:49,874 --> 00:00:51,575 ? And it did not... ? 11 00:00:51,577 --> 00:00:53,443 Dogs are disgusting creatures. 12 00:00:53,445 --> 00:00:55,144 They smell, their mouths are too wet, 13 00:00:55,146 --> 00:00:56,713 and they constantly demand your attention 14 00:00:56,715 --> 00:00:58,715 like dumb, slutty babies. 15 00:00:58,717 --> 00:01:00,116 People think they're cute, 16 00:01:00,118 --> 00:01:01,551 when really they're just over-bread mutants 17 00:01:01,553 --> 00:01:03,186 too stupid to beg for death. 18 00:01:03,188 --> 00:01:04,954 They turn people into complete idiots. 19 00:01:04,956 --> 00:01:06,956 There's a dog?! 20 00:01:06,958 --> 00:01:11,528 ? I found love in this world ? 21 00:01:11,530 --> 00:01:16,299 ? And my heart strings just unfurled ? 22 00:01:16,301 --> 00:01:19,568 ? I found love in the spring ? 23 00:01:19,570 --> 00:01:22,171 I'm your mommy. 24 00:01:34,597 --> 00:01:40,354 Synced & corrected by kinglouisxx www.addic7ed.com 25 00:01:46,464 --> 00:01:49,365 My exclamation-point key broke. 26 00:01:49,367 --> 00:01:50,566 That feels like a metaphor. 27 00:01:50,568 --> 00:01:51,800 It'll never get fixed. 28 00:01:51,802 --> 00:01:53,135 I submitted a work ticket 29 00:01:53,137 --> 00:01:54,637 to get my chair fixed three months ago. 30 00:01:54,639 --> 00:01:56,171 Lloyd gets to things eventually. 31 00:01:56,173 --> 00:01:58,173 Lloyd should be fired, and you know it. 32 00:01:58,175 --> 00:01:59,475 The only reason you're defending him 33 00:01:59,477 --> 00:02:00,576 is 'cause of that damn dog. 34 00:02:00,578 --> 00:02:03,178 Edie! 35 00:02:03,180 --> 00:02:05,247 You fucking motherfucking fuck. 36 00:02:05,249 --> 00:02:07,650 Does Edie want some granola? 37 00:02:07,652 --> 00:02:08,950 Do not feed it! 38 00:02:08,952 --> 00:02:10,619 It'll associate this office with food. 39 00:02:10,621 --> 00:02:13,221 She's a she, and her name is Edie. 40 00:02:13,223 --> 00:02:14,723 Isn't that right, Edie? 41 00:02:14,725 --> 00:02:17,159 You're all girl, and I'm your mommy. 42 00:02:17,161 --> 00:02:19,795 If the apocalypse came, you'd eat that dog in a second. 43 00:02:19,797 --> 00:02:21,196 Well, then, we'd eat Pebbles, too. 44 00:02:21,198 --> 00:02:22,398 No, we would not! 45 00:02:22,400 --> 00:02:23,965 I'd kill us both, and she'd eat our bodies, 46 00:02:23,967 --> 00:02:25,668 and we'd live inside of Pebbles forever. 47 00:02:25,670 --> 00:02:27,068 I'm not going inside Pebbles. 48 00:02:27,070 --> 00:02:28,970 You're getting in there. 49 00:02:28,972 --> 00:02:33,508 G... O-O... D. 50 00:02:33,510 --> 00:02:34,709 Where is that exclamation point? 51 00:02:34,711 --> 00:02:35,944 Hey, Lloyd. 52 00:02:35,946 --> 00:02:37,245 I believe this is your mongrel. 53 00:02:37,247 --> 00:02:38,746 Oh, Edie. 54 00:02:38,748 --> 00:02:41,216 Did you go a-wanderin' again? 55 00:02:41,218 --> 00:02:43,347 Lloyd, you know dogs aren't allowed in the office. 56 00:02:43,372 --> 00:02:45,287 Yeah, well, she's a little outlaw. 57 00:02:45,289 --> 00:02:47,455 - Aren't you a little outlaw? - Ugh. 58 00:02:47,457 --> 00:02:49,490 Yeah, we gonna put you into puppy jail. 59 00:02:49,492 --> 00:02:51,827 Also, I wanted to check on the status of my chair. 60 00:02:51,829 --> 00:02:53,261 - Mwah! - I put in a ticket. 61 00:02:53,263 --> 00:02:55,430 Okay, uh, did you put in a ticket? 62 00:02:55,432 --> 00:02:56,698 Yes. 63 00:02:56,700 --> 00:02:58,099 I've actually put in eight tickets. 64 00:02:58,101 --> 00:03:00,100 Mm, yeah. They must've canceled each other out. 65 00:03:00,102 --> 00:03:02,569 Okay, the system doesn't like it 66 00:03:02,571 --> 00:03:04,271 when you submit more than one ticket. 67 00:03:04,273 --> 00:03:05,505 It's been three months. 68 00:03:05,507 --> 00:03:07,641 I have a bad back. I'm suffering, Lloyd. 69 00:03:07,643 --> 00:03:09,810 Listen, I am on your side, 70 00:03:09,812 --> 00:03:11,078 but it's just, ugh, 71 00:03:11,080 --> 00:03:12,646 I got to do the tickets in order. 72 00:03:12,648 --> 00:03:14,448 What ticket are you working on right now? 73 00:03:14,450 --> 00:03:15,782 The fax machine is broken, 74 00:03:15,784 --> 00:03:17,218 so I contacted the fax company, 75 00:03:17,220 --> 00:03:20,620 and now I am waiting for them to fax me back. 76 00:03:20,622 --> 00:03:21,788 They can't fax you back 77 00:03:21,790 --> 00:03:23,690 because the fax machine is broken. 78 00:03:23,692 --> 00:03:24,859 I know. 79 00:03:24,861 --> 00:03:27,694 It is... frustrating. 80 00:03:27,696 --> 00:03:29,730 Now he's fixated on a stupid fax machine, 81 00:03:29,732 --> 00:03:31,031 all while that untamed beast 82 00:03:31,033 --> 00:03:32,699 floods the office with its slobber. 83 00:03:32,701 --> 00:03:34,568 He needs to be fired ASAP. 84 00:03:34,570 --> 00:03:36,202 Aw, Jake. 85 00:03:36,204 --> 00:03:38,338 One thing you're gonna learn as an executive 86 00:03:38,340 --> 00:03:41,708 is that you don't get to fire everyone you want. 87 00:03:41,710 --> 00:03:43,710 It's true. If John and I got to fire 88 00:03:43,712 --> 00:03:45,545 everyone we wanted, 89 00:03:45,547 --> 00:03:47,347 you wouldn't be standing here right now. 90 00:03:47,349 --> 00:03:50,283 Lloyd's been at Hampton DeVille for, what, 20 years? 91 00:03:50,285 --> 00:03:53,019 I mean, the employment contracts back then were ironclad. 92 00:03:53,021 --> 00:03:54,954 Luckily, we've since fixed those errors. 93 00:03:54,956 --> 00:03:56,857 New employee contracts are at-will, 94 00:03:56,859 --> 00:03:58,725 meaning recent hires, like Matt, 95 00:03:58,727 --> 00:04:00,694 we can fire at any time for any reason. 96 00:04:00,696 --> 00:04:01,961 Matt is chum. 97 00:04:01,963 --> 00:04:03,263 More like chum bait. 98 00:04:03,265 --> 00:04:05,164 He's the chum we use to catch the chum. 99 00:04:05,166 --> 00:04:07,800 In the food chain of chum, he's, like, not even food. 100 00:04:07,802 --> 00:04:09,568 Sub-chum. He's like a chum's turd 101 00:04:09,570 --> 00:04:11,103 that just floats at the bottom of the sea. 102 00:04:11,105 --> 00:04:13,739 That doesn't change the fact that Lloyd sucks at his job. 103 00:04:13,741 --> 00:04:15,340 If you can gather a body of evidence 104 00:04:15,342 --> 00:04:17,910 of Lloyd causing egregious harm to the company, 105 00:04:17,912 --> 00:04:19,111 we'll fire him. 106 00:04:19,113 --> 00:04:20,546 But you're gonna need a lot more 107 00:04:20,548 --> 00:04:22,648 than a cute doggy wandering into your office. 108 00:04:22,650 --> 00:04:26,051 Speak of the doggy devil! 109 00:04:26,053 --> 00:04:27,219 There's my little cutie! 110 00:04:27,221 --> 00:04:28,888 You're my little cutie, aren't you? 111 00:04:28,890 --> 00:04:30,689 - Say you are. - No, you're my little cutie. 112 00:04:30,691 --> 00:04:32,124 Say it! 113 00:04:32,126 --> 00:04:34,460 And now he's fixated on a stupid fax machine, 114 00:04:34,462 --> 00:04:35,761 all while that untamed beast 115 00:04:35,763 --> 00:04:37,229 floods the office with its slobber. 116 00:04:37,231 --> 00:04:38,931 He needs to be fired ASAP. 117 00:04:38,933 --> 00:04:40,198 What the hell?! 118 00:04:40,200 --> 00:04:42,500 Somebody keeps stealing all the pinkies. 119 00:04:42,502 --> 00:04:44,536 Pinkies are everyone's favorite. 120 00:04:44,538 --> 00:04:46,805 Whoever did this is a criminal... 121 00:04:46,807 --> 00:04:49,340 and not a criminal born from a broken system. 122 00:04:49,342 --> 00:04:53,945 Someone who is pure evil, born a devil. 123 00:04:53,947 --> 00:04:56,548 Grace, help me get Lloyd fired. 124 00:04:56,550 --> 00:04:59,183 Nooo! Firing someone feels awful. 125 00:04:59,185 --> 00:05:00,752 The only reason I would fire someone 126 00:05:00,754 --> 00:05:04,221 is if they did something monstrous and unforgivable. 127 00:05:04,223 --> 00:05:07,559 Like picking out the pinkies. 128 00:05:07,561 --> 00:05:09,160 Worthless! 129 00:05:10,697 --> 00:05:13,765 Hey. Ohh! 130 00:05:13,767 --> 00:05:15,833 Edie came back. 131 00:05:15,835 --> 00:05:17,668 Is that oven-roasted turkey? 132 00:05:17,670 --> 00:05:18,669 Yeah. 133 00:05:18,671 --> 00:05:19,636 Out! 134 00:05:22,475 --> 00:05:24,675 You know, ever since my exclamation point broke, 135 00:05:24,677 --> 00:05:26,710 I realize how much I overuse it in emails. 136 00:05:26,712 --> 00:05:28,545 I used to add it to almost every sentence. 137 00:05:28,547 --> 00:05:29,750 I feel like I sounded like... 138 00:05:29,774 --> 00:05:32,045 Hi! My name's Matt! This is an email! 139 00:05:32,069 --> 00:05:34,474 I have some thoughts on the analytics report! Thanks! 140 00:05:34,499 --> 00:05:35,886 I sound like a fucking idiot! 141 00:05:35,888 --> 00:05:36,990 And yet you love dogs, 142 00:05:37,015 --> 00:05:38,555 the exclamation point of animals. 143 00:05:38,557 --> 00:05:40,123 Listen to this email and tell me if it sounds okay 144 00:05:40,125 --> 00:05:42,263 without exclamation points. 145 00:05:42,316 --> 00:05:45,247 I've attached the docs you've asked for. I sent them last week. 146 00:05:45,271 --> 00:05:47,083 I guess they got lost in your inbox. 147 00:05:47,138 --> 00:05:49,528 Anyway, let me know if there's anything else you need help with. 148 00:05:49,567 --> 00:05:50,577 Thanks. 149 00:05:50,602 --> 00:05:51,732 You just used periods? 150 00:05:51,757 --> 00:05:52,668 Yeah. 151 00:05:52,670 --> 00:05:53,970 Should be fine. 152 00:05:53,972 --> 00:05:56,405 "I've attached the docs you asked for. 153 00:05:56,407 --> 00:05:57,507 I sent them last week. 154 00:05:57,509 --> 00:05:59,842 I guess they got lost in your inbox." 155 00:05:59,844 --> 00:06:01,410 "Anyway, let me know 156 00:06:01,412 --> 00:06:04,079 if there's anything else you need help with. 157 00:06:04,081 --> 00:06:05,047 Thanks." 158 00:06:05,049 --> 00:06:06,582 Did you get Matt's email?! 159 00:06:06,584 --> 00:06:08,017 This is an attack. 160 00:06:08,019 --> 00:06:09,652 It's assault and battery. 161 00:06:09,654 --> 00:06:11,420 It's both. Should we confront him? 162 00:06:11,422 --> 00:06:13,322 No, he's the one with the problem. 163 00:06:13,324 --> 00:06:14,423 He needs to fix it. 164 00:06:14,425 --> 00:06:16,759 Because that email was truly twisted. 165 00:06:16,761 --> 00:06:18,027 Did it also seem... 166 00:06:18,029 --> 00:06:20,396 I know this sounds a little crazy, but... 167 00:06:20,398 --> 00:06:21,764 Racist. Yeah. 168 00:06:21,766 --> 00:06:22,894 - Yeah. - 1,000%. 169 00:06:23,967 --> 00:06:26,501 - There's a racist in our midst. - He's so racist. 170 00:06:37,380 --> 00:06:38,312 Want a pinkie? 171 00:06:38,314 --> 00:06:40,615 And for Edie, 172 00:06:40,617 --> 00:06:44,085 'cause she's a good girl, so she gets a pinkie. 173 00:06:44,087 --> 00:06:45,286 Yes, she gets a pinkie. 174 00:06:45,288 --> 00:06:47,255 You're so good. 175 00:07:09,112 --> 00:07:09,944 Ow. 176 00:07:09,946 --> 00:07:11,245 Where did you get this? 177 00:07:11,247 --> 00:07:12,947 I'll give you one guess. 178 00:07:12,949 --> 00:07:14,115 - Fred. - It's Lloyd. 179 00:07:14,117 --> 00:07:16,084 He's been stockpiling them in his desk. 180 00:07:18,020 --> 00:07:21,189 I sentence him to death. 181 00:07:21,439 --> 00:07:23,781 This email is an act of terrorism. 182 00:07:23,806 --> 00:07:25,016 This is emasculating. 183 00:07:25,032 --> 00:07:27,662 It reminds me of talking to my auto mechanic. 184 00:07:27,687 --> 00:07:29,568 Matt's clearly not in his right mind. 185 00:07:29,570 --> 00:07:32,738 It might as well say, "Subject line: Fuck off. 186 00:07:32,740 --> 00:07:34,306 Body: And die." 187 00:07:34,308 --> 00:07:37,375 All right, I'm just gonna shoot him a level-headed response 188 00:07:37,377 --> 00:07:38,835 and see if he comes to his senses. 189 00:07:38,860 --> 00:07:39,993 Yeah. 190 00:07:41,615 --> 00:07:43,449 - "Hey Matt." - Good. 191 00:07:43,451 --> 00:07:45,317 "Let us know if you're okay with helping us 192 00:07:45,319 --> 00:07:47,385 - with the presentation next week." - Next week, yes. 193 00:07:47,387 --> 00:07:49,154 "Please let us know if you have any questions." 194 00:07:49,156 --> 00:07:50,856 - Yep. - "Thanks." 195 00:07:50,858 --> 00:07:53,492 - Exclamation point! - Of course! 196 00:07:53,494 --> 00:07:55,226 "Best, Kate." 197 00:07:55,228 --> 00:07:56,795 Ohh! 198 00:07:56,797 --> 00:07:58,196 - And let's just... - Phew! 199 00:07:58,198 --> 00:07:59,865 ...take a few minutes to calm down 200 00:07:59,867 --> 00:08:00,932 and see if he responds. 201 00:08:00,934 --> 00:08:01,766 Yeah. 202 00:08:01,768 --> 00:08:03,168 God. 203 00:08:03,170 --> 00:08:05,903 And, by the way, you are such a good writer. 204 00:08:05,905 --> 00:08:07,638 Anytime you send me an email, 205 00:08:07,640 --> 00:08:08,940 I can't wait to click on it. 206 00:08:08,942 --> 00:08:11,576 Really? Because sometimes I feel 207 00:08:11,578 --> 00:08:12,777 like I use too many commas. 208 00:08:12,779 --> 00:08:13,945 No. No, no, no, no. 209 00:08:13,947 --> 00:08:15,847 I always appreciate the pause. 210 00:08:15,849 --> 00:08:17,182 It's a moment to breathe. 211 00:08:17,184 --> 00:08:18,783 Bu... 212 00:08:27,397 --> 00:08:28,460 What the fuck?! 213 00:08:28,462 --> 00:08:30,595 He's replying way too fast. 214 00:08:30,597 --> 00:08:33,231 He just basically took a big ol' shit in our inbox. 215 00:08:33,233 --> 00:08:36,394 He just slapped us across the face with a hot fish. 216 00:08:37,701 --> 00:08:39,904 My new thing is I just respond to emails right away, 217 00:08:39,906 --> 00:08:42,340 and I've stripped out all the niceties that just waste time. 218 00:08:42,365 --> 00:08:44,709 I feel like I've finally gotten good at my job. 219 00:08:45,879 --> 00:08:48,178 Great job, Matt. Good for you, buddy. 220 00:08:48,180 --> 00:08:50,599 You ready to nail this [bleep] dog-lovin' 221 00:08:50,630 --> 00:08:52,498 [bleep]-lookin' piece of shit? 222 00:08:55,287 --> 00:08:58,856 So, how long has the light been a hazard like this? 223 00:08:58,858 --> 00:09:01,759 Well, my daughter turns 2 in January, 224 00:09:01,761 --> 00:09:03,928 so... four years. 225 00:09:03,930 --> 00:09:05,095 And you submitted a ticket? 226 00:09:05,097 --> 00:09:06,363 Yep. 227 00:09:06,365 --> 00:09:08,364 Lloyd just hasn't gotten around to it yet. 228 00:09:08,366 --> 00:09:09,866 Why are you covering for him?! 229 00:09:09,868 --> 00:09:11,001 Are you a dog-lover? 230 00:09:11,003 --> 00:09:12,002 You like doggies? 231 00:09:26,885 --> 00:09:30,453 All you need to do is sign this formal complaint against Lloyd. 232 00:09:30,455 --> 00:09:32,488 He's dead weight in the office, and you know it. 233 00:09:32,490 --> 00:09:34,558 All you're doing is making this hard on yourself, 234 00:09:34,560 --> 00:09:38,161 and I'm gonna crack you open like an Easter egg. 235 00:09:38,163 --> 00:09:39,128 You should listen to her. 236 00:09:39,130 --> 00:09:40,596 She's fucked up, man. 237 00:09:44,614 --> 00:09:47,003 Anybody asks, you didn't see shit, Perry! 238 00:09:47,005 --> 00:09:48,938 I know some fucked up people, and I'm one of them, 239 00:09:48,940 --> 00:09:50,940 and you don't want to meet them! 240 00:09:50,942 --> 00:09:52,608 Perry's cool. He won't say shit. 241 00:09:52,610 --> 00:09:55,711 Huh. These dog treats? 242 00:09:55,713 --> 00:09:57,413 No. 243 00:09:57,415 --> 00:09:58,414 Those are for me. 244 00:09:58,416 --> 00:10:00,316 Oh, why don't you have one, then? 245 00:10:00,318 --> 00:10:03,319 No, thank you. I'm not hungry. 246 00:10:03,321 --> 00:10:04,954 Here we go. 247 00:10:04,956 --> 00:10:07,790 Open up. You've been a bad girl. 248 00:10:07,792 --> 00:10:09,425 You deserve a treat. 249 00:10:09,427 --> 00:10:10,293 - Eat it! - No. 250 00:10:10,295 --> 00:10:11,527 Eat it! 251 00:10:12,697 --> 00:10:14,196 Eat it! 252 00:10:14,198 --> 00:10:15,831 Okay, so, to summarize, 253 00:10:15,833 --> 00:10:18,667 Hampton DeVille Toys' top earner, Skankz Dolls, 254 00:10:18,669 --> 00:10:21,704 is facing a boycott led by one of the nation's 255 00:10:21,706 --> 00:10:25,374 most powerful and litigious groups... 256 00:10:25,376 --> 00:10:27,376 Moms Against Adolescent Horniness. 257 00:10:27,378 --> 00:10:29,945 So, they claim that the size of the Skankz's breasts 258 00:10:29,947 --> 00:10:32,179 are arousing children of all ages. 259 00:10:32,204 --> 00:10:34,072 Bottom line, kids are horned out of their minds. 260 00:10:34,096 --> 00:10:34,914 Yes. 261 00:10:34,939 --> 00:10:36,919 So, we've been going back and forth with the toy division 262 00:10:36,921 --> 00:10:38,086 about possible solutions. 263 00:10:38,088 --> 00:10:40,923 At first, we suggested adding areolae 264 00:10:40,925 --> 00:10:43,258 to make the toys more anatomically correct. 265 00:10:43,260 --> 00:10:45,628 But this just made children hornier. 266 00:10:45,630 --> 00:10:46,828 Horny as hell. 267 00:10:46,830 --> 00:10:48,263 The children were borderline rabid. 268 00:10:48,265 --> 00:10:50,932 So we told the team to remove the the areolae, 269 00:10:50,934 --> 00:10:54,969 but instead, they have somehow tripled in size? 270 00:10:54,971 --> 00:10:56,704 Which was never the goal. 271 00:10:56,706 --> 00:10:58,640 At this point, communication with the toy division 272 00:10:58,642 --> 00:10:59,908 has become toxic. 273 00:10:59,910 --> 00:11:01,809 I'd be happy to jump in as a liaison 274 00:11:01,811 --> 00:11:03,145 to try to resolve this. 275 00:11:03,147 --> 00:11:05,847 I'm a good communicator, plus moms love me. 276 00:11:07,217 --> 00:11:07,849 Hmm. 277 00:11:07,851 --> 00:11:08,883 Okay, Mama's Boy. 278 00:11:08,885 --> 00:11:10,585 You want it, you got it. 279 00:11:10,587 --> 00:11:12,287 I'm just happy to take something off your plate. 280 00:11:12,289 --> 00:11:15,390 Just don't forget that it's my plate, Matt. 281 00:11:15,392 --> 00:11:16,291 My plate! 282 00:11:16,293 --> 00:11:17,259 John's plate. 283 00:11:17,261 --> 00:11:18,460 That's Johnny's plate. 284 00:11:18,462 --> 00:11:20,494 Yeah, it's your plate. No problem. 285 00:11:21,164 --> 00:11:22,329 - Ew. - Ugh. 286 00:11:22,331 --> 00:11:24,532 Ew. 287 00:11:24,534 --> 00:11:27,601 As you can see, Lloyd violated common decency 288 00:11:27,603 --> 00:11:28,869 by not washing his hands. 289 00:11:28,871 --> 00:11:31,172 He then proceeded to the break room. 290 00:11:31,174 --> 00:11:35,008 Which brings us to exhibit "B," for "bagels." 291 00:11:35,010 --> 00:11:38,011 These were perfectly edible bagels 292 00:11:38,013 --> 00:11:40,881 before Lloyd put his grimy fingers 293 00:11:40,883 --> 00:11:43,184 on each and every one of them 294 00:11:43,186 --> 00:11:47,754 before choosing to eat a doughnut instead. 295 00:11:47,756 --> 00:11:50,357 We rest our case. 296 00:11:51,927 --> 00:11:53,527 Unfortunately, all this proves 297 00:11:53,529 --> 00:11:57,097 is that you've been spending all your time doing... this 298 00:11:57,099 --> 00:11:58,198 and not your jobs. 299 00:11:58,200 --> 00:11:59,466 Listen, guys, no one is saying 300 00:11:59,468 --> 00:12:01,668 Lloyd's not terrible at his job. 301 00:12:01,670 --> 00:12:02,970 He's a bad boy. 302 00:12:02,972 --> 00:12:05,038 But if we fire him without a smoking gun, 303 00:12:05,040 --> 00:12:08,942 then he'll sue us for reverse racism or... 304 00:12:08,944 --> 00:12:10,176 Upside-down ageism. 305 00:12:10,178 --> 00:12:11,511 And it will cost the company more money 306 00:12:11,513 --> 00:12:13,213 than if we just let him keep working here. 307 00:12:13,215 --> 00:12:15,616 Even a literal smoking gun won't cut it, 308 00:12:15,618 --> 00:12:18,051 unless you can also provide a bleeding body. 309 00:12:18,053 --> 00:12:19,086 That's right. 310 00:12:21,223 --> 00:12:23,456 We have a code-red situation we need to deal with. 311 00:12:23,458 --> 00:12:24,825 Out. 312 00:12:26,528 --> 00:12:27,861 "Just looping you in." 313 00:12:27,863 --> 00:12:29,562 Now he's accusing us of being out of the loop! 314 00:12:29,564 --> 00:12:31,097 There's gonna be a loop around his neck, 315 00:12:31,099 --> 00:12:32,395 the way he's going. 316 00:12:33,818 --> 00:12:35,848 Here's our smoking gun. 317 00:12:35,873 --> 00:12:37,012 Ow. 318 00:12:37,037 --> 00:12:39,370 A piece of confetti? 319 00:12:39,372 --> 00:12:40,454 It's LSD. 320 00:12:40,479 --> 00:12:42,040 I've been keeping it in my freezer for eight years, 321 00:12:42,042 --> 00:12:43,474 but I just haven't found 322 00:12:43,476 --> 00:12:45,431 a free day to have a life-changing experience. 323 00:12:46,079 --> 00:12:48,278 Is this who we are now, Jake? 324 00:12:48,374 --> 00:12:50,308 Dirty cops planting evidence 325 00:12:50,350 --> 00:12:53,124 and force-feeding our coworkers dog treats? 326 00:12:53,168 --> 00:12:54,785 Don't you get soft on me now. 327 00:12:54,787 --> 00:12:58,389 Society is crumbling because we give people like Lloyd a pass 328 00:12:58,391 --> 00:13:00,457 and allow mediocrity to flourish. 329 00:13:00,459 --> 00:13:03,060 Not firing him means more superhero movies, 330 00:13:03,062 --> 00:13:05,362 more sitcoms about struggling comedians, 331 00:13:05,364 --> 00:13:07,797 and more people who don't decide what they're gonna order 332 00:13:07,799 --> 00:13:09,333 until they get to the cashier! 333 00:13:09,335 --> 00:13:11,835 Sometimes I want to know what the cashier likes. 334 00:13:12,471 --> 00:13:14,905 Is this how you want to live, Grace, 335 00:13:14,907 --> 00:13:17,908 eating yellows like evolutionary chum? 336 00:13:19,979 --> 00:13:22,312 The drugs alone might not do it. 337 00:13:22,314 --> 00:13:26,149 If we're gonna get dirty, then let's get fucking filthy. 338 00:13:27,786 --> 00:13:30,052 I confiscated these a while ago. 339 00:13:30,054 --> 00:13:33,222 Hard-core drugs and soft-core porn... 340 00:13:33,224 --> 00:13:36,458 a lethal combination. 341 00:13:36,460 --> 00:13:38,361 Are these from the same person? 342 00:13:38,363 --> 00:13:40,229 Sexuality is fluid, Jake. 343 00:13:40,231 --> 00:13:42,531 Oh, right. I forgot. 344 00:14:08,726 --> 00:14:10,292 Oh, Edie. 345 00:14:10,294 --> 00:14:12,027 You're not gonna be around much longer, 346 00:14:12,029 --> 00:14:13,629 you little freak of nature. 347 00:14:13,631 --> 00:14:17,265 You're a low-rent wolf who isn't fit to sniff a cat's asshole, 348 00:14:17,267 --> 00:14:19,367 and pinkies are for people. 349 00:14:19,369 --> 00:14:21,036 Ah! Ow! 350 00:14:21,038 --> 00:14:22,404 Ah-ah! 351 00:14:22,406 --> 00:14:26,141 Edie, my arm! Ah! Ah! 352 00:14:27,993 --> 00:14:29,260 Ah! 353 00:14:33,884 --> 00:14:36,184 Hampton DeVille took no action 354 00:14:36,186 --> 00:14:39,321 when Lloyd illegally and continuously brought 355 00:14:39,323 --> 00:14:41,957 his monstrous dog into the office. 356 00:14:41,959 --> 00:14:44,025 And now his dog has attacked 357 00:14:44,027 --> 00:14:50,098 and severely wounded a Jewish employee. 358 00:14:50,100 --> 00:14:53,268 Which brings us to exhibit "B," 359 00:14:53,270 --> 00:14:56,171 this time for "blood." 360 00:14:56,173 --> 00:14:57,472 If you don't fire Lloyd, 361 00:14:57,474 --> 00:14:58,840 I'll sue this company into the ground. 362 00:14:58,842 --> 00:15:00,775 Ah, now you're speaking our language. 363 00:15:00,777 --> 00:15:02,110 This bleeding wound 364 00:15:02,112 --> 00:15:03,945 is definitely something we can work with. 365 00:15:03,947 --> 00:15:04,812 - I love it. - Love it. 366 00:15:04,814 --> 00:15:06,647 Lloyd is chum. 367 00:15:06,649 --> 00:15:09,317 Please do not drip on the carpet. 368 00:15:09,319 --> 00:15:10,952 - But it's Jewish blood. - Oh, it's Jewish blood. 369 00:15:10,954 --> 00:15:12,520 It's a blessing, then. Leave it. 370 00:15:12,522 --> 00:15:14,689 And so, what I've landed on, 371 00:15:14,691 --> 00:15:16,290 and I think you're gonna like this, 372 00:15:16,292 --> 00:15:19,994 is removable, choose-your-own-size breasts. 373 00:15:19,996 --> 00:15:23,965 The breast sizes will range from from AA to DD. 374 00:15:23,967 --> 00:15:27,535 We've also developed optional areolae stickers, 375 00:15:27,537 --> 00:15:29,504 which will come in different shades and sizes 376 00:15:29,506 --> 00:15:32,907 and can be applied to the breasts if you choose. 377 00:15:32,909 --> 00:15:34,341 Do you have any questions? 378 00:15:34,343 --> 00:15:37,478 Will the removable breasts be included with the dolls? 379 00:15:37,480 --> 00:15:38,779 Good question. No. 380 00:15:38,781 --> 00:15:40,047 They'll be sold separately, 381 00:15:40,049 --> 00:15:41,816 which will just increase profit margins. 382 00:15:41,818 --> 00:15:44,526 Well, I guess you just have all the answers, Matt. 383 00:15:44,551 --> 00:15:45,893 Thanks, Kate. 384 00:15:45,918 --> 00:15:47,839 Now, I hopped on the phone with a few moms. 385 00:15:47,864 --> 00:15:49,656 Turns out, they still love me... 386 00:15:49,658 --> 00:15:52,626 ...and they really seem jazzed about this idea, so... 387 00:15:52,628 --> 00:15:55,229 I am at the end of my rope with him. 388 00:15:55,231 --> 00:15:57,231 He has really got my goat. 389 00:15:57,233 --> 00:15:58,665 He's tied it up with your rope, 390 00:15:58,667 --> 00:16:01,801 and now he's at the end of it just a-yankin'. 391 00:16:01,803 --> 00:16:03,070 It's complicated, 392 00:16:03,072 --> 00:16:04,771 because, technically, he's doing a good job. 393 00:16:04,773 --> 00:16:06,773 Well, technically, Hitler did a good job, 394 00:16:06,775 --> 00:16:09,809 and we all know how complicated that got. 395 00:16:09,811 --> 00:16:13,580 Now, initially, we tried putting the dolls in turtlenecks. 396 00:16:13,582 --> 00:16:15,516 Now, unfortunately, testing showed that 397 00:16:15,518 --> 00:16:17,284 that just made the dolls seem insecure, 398 00:16:17,286 --> 00:16:19,185 which shot horniness levels through the roof. 399 00:16:19,187 --> 00:16:20,653 You learn something new every day, 400 00:16:20,655 --> 00:16:22,355 and that's what I learned last Tuesday. 401 00:16:22,357 --> 00:16:23,822 Now, on Wednesday, what I learned 402 00:16:23,824 --> 00:16:26,392 was that my mom had a husband before my dad, 403 00:16:26,394 --> 00:16:27,927 and his name was Steve. 404 00:16:28,763 --> 00:16:31,597 You've been a bad boy, Lloyd. 405 00:16:31,599 --> 00:16:34,167 You ate the forbidden fruit. 406 00:16:34,169 --> 00:16:35,801 Now you shall be... 407 00:16:35,803 --> 00:16:39,505 ...cast into the valley of unemployment. 408 00:16:39,507 --> 00:16:40,706 Bye-bye. 409 00:16:40,708 --> 00:16:41,674 Harsher, Grace. 410 00:16:41,676 --> 00:16:43,709 I want this to hurt him personally. 411 00:16:45,213 --> 00:16:46,612 You fucked up, Lloyd! 412 00:16:46,614 --> 00:16:50,453 You got greedy with the fucking pinkies. 413 00:16:50,531 --> 00:16:52,897 [Bleep] 414 00:16:52,986 --> 00:16:54,152 Fired! 415 00:16:54,154 --> 00:16:56,254 All right, we're getting somewhere. 416 00:16:56,256 --> 00:16:57,855 Shall we reward ourselves? 417 00:16:57,857 --> 00:17:00,392 To justice being served. 418 00:17:00,394 --> 00:17:03,962 Some people are weak, and I say let 'em die. 419 00:17:10,304 --> 00:17:13,271 Mmm. So good. 420 00:17:14,808 --> 00:17:16,874 Are you choking? 421 00:17:16,876 --> 00:17:19,411 I don't know CPR! 422 00:17:19,413 --> 00:17:22,046 Um, I'm... I'm gonna Google it. 423 00:17:24,050 --> 00:17:27,418 Ah, the Wi-Fi is being shitty. 424 00:17:27,420 --> 00:17:30,287 I'm just gonna film this. 425 00:17:33,392 --> 00:17:37,194 Jake, don't make that face. 426 00:17:43,336 --> 00:17:44,736 ? I found love ? 427 00:17:44,738 --> 00:17:47,438 ? Didn't even know I needed it ? 428 00:17:47,440 --> 00:17:49,107 ? But I found love ? 429 00:17:49,109 --> 00:17:51,843 ? Never even crossed my mind ? 430 00:17:53,113 --> 00:17:55,847 You gotta be careful with those pinkies. 431 00:17:55,849 --> 00:18:00,984 I get it, though. They're the best ones! 432 00:18:00,986 --> 00:18:02,819 Take it easy. 433 00:18:05,524 --> 00:18:07,958 It's not CPR. It's the Heimlich. 434 00:18:07,960 --> 00:18:09,325 Oh, yeah. 435 00:18:09,327 --> 00:18:11,494 I don't know how to do that one, either. 436 00:18:11,496 --> 00:18:15,331 Fuck you, Matt! You fucking emotional terrorist! 437 00:18:15,333 --> 00:18:16,588 You're fired! 438 00:18:16,613 --> 00:18:20,170 And I hope your father gets something incurable. 439 00:18:20,172 --> 00:18:21,371 Harsher, John. 440 00:18:21,373 --> 00:18:23,306 I want this to hurt him personally. 441 00:18:23,308 --> 00:18:26,242 You can't fire Lloyd. 442 00:18:26,244 --> 00:18:27,510 Why not? 443 00:18:27,512 --> 00:18:29,512 Long story, but he saved my life, 444 00:18:29,514 --> 00:18:30,714 and now you can't fire him. 445 00:18:30,716 --> 00:18:32,282 We already started the paperwork. 446 00:18:32,284 --> 00:18:33,316 Are you sure? 447 00:18:35,787 --> 00:18:39,021 Eh, nah. Go ahead and fire him. 448 00:18:39,023 --> 00:18:40,422 Thanks, guys. Wow. 449 00:18:40,424 --> 00:18:42,291 Life is wild. 450 00:18:42,293 --> 00:18:43,893 Hmm, how about "Your mom's a harlot"? 451 00:18:43,895 --> 00:18:46,214 That's nice. Like an old-timey whore. 452 00:18:46,261 --> 00:18:49,705 Come on, pinkies. Where are mama's pinkies?! 453 00:18:54,642 --> 00:18:55,907 Devil! 454 00:18:58,468 --> 00:19:01,670 I'm sad Lloyd's gone. I miss Edie. 455 00:19:01,716 --> 00:19:03,481 She attacked Jake. 456 00:19:03,506 --> 00:19:05,707 Hey, I'm on Edie's side. 457 00:19:05,709 --> 00:19:08,709 I guess I could take his keyboard. 458 00:19:08,711 --> 00:19:10,544 You say "Matt," I'll say "you're," 459 00:19:10,546 --> 00:19:11,846 then we'll both say "fired." 460 00:19:11,848 --> 00:19:13,413 - Ooh, maybe we can harmonize. - Ooh! 461 00:19:13,415 --> 00:19:14,782 - ? Matt ? - ? You're ? 462 00:19:14,784 --> 00:19:16,083 ? Fired ? 463 00:19:16,085 --> 00:19:18,018 Wup. 464 00:19:18,020 --> 00:19:20,387 Well, speak of the email devil. 465 00:19:20,389 --> 00:19:22,389 Let's see what he chose for his last words. 466 00:19:22,391 --> 00:19:23,701 Yeah. 467 00:19:23,726 --> 00:19:25,626 "Just wanted to say..." 468 00:19:25,628 --> 00:19:26,677 Oh, God. 469 00:19:26,702 --> 00:19:30,737 "...I really appreciate 470 00:19:30,933 --> 00:19:33,768 you bringing me onboard the Skankz project. 471 00:19:33,770 --> 00:19:38,272 This has been an incredible opportunity. 472 00:19:38,274 --> 00:19:41,675 - Thanks!" - Exclamation point. 473 00:19:41,677 --> 00:19:43,477 "Best, Matt." 474 00:19:44,313 --> 00:19:46,212 Um... 475 00:19:46,214 --> 00:19:47,281 Oh. 476 00:19:47,283 --> 00:19:49,047 That was incredible? 477 00:19:49,072 --> 00:19:50,180 In a word, eloquent. 478 00:19:50,205 --> 00:19:51,336 In another word, exquisite. 479 00:19:51,361 --> 00:19:52,867 It's almost like an email I would've written. 480 00:19:52,892 --> 00:19:55,522 Let's not get carried away. You're a true talent. 481 00:19:55,524 --> 00:19:58,191 It's like all his toxic energy just... 482 00:19:58,193 --> 00:19:59,593 ...got washed away 483 00:19:59,595 --> 00:20:01,728 in the warm rain of that exclamation point. 484 00:20:01,730 --> 00:20:04,164 Anyone who can write an email like that 485 00:20:04,166 --> 00:20:05,932 deserves to keep their job. 486 00:20:06,902 --> 00:20:08,402 Wow. 487 00:20:08,404 --> 00:20:10,737 Don't you feel bad about getting Lloyd fired? 488 00:20:10,739 --> 00:20:13,373 No. He prevented me from accomplishing my dream, 489 00:20:13,375 --> 00:20:14,574 which is to die. 490 00:20:14,576 --> 00:20:16,642 You hate dogs, you want to die, 491 00:20:16,644 --> 00:20:19,976 and you're the person I feel closest to in this world. 492 00:20:20,001 --> 00:20:21,735 Life is wild. 493 00:20:33,661 --> 00:20:36,094 ? She's flirty, she's cute ? 494 00:20:36,096 --> 00:20:38,163 ? She's got removable breasts, to boot ? 495 00:20:38,165 --> 00:20:39,598 ? She's a Skankz ? 496 00:20:39,600 --> 00:20:41,567 Removable breasts sold separately. 497 00:20:41,569 --> 00:20:45,504 Uh-oh! These boys have gone bonkers! 498 00:20:45,506 --> 00:20:48,173 Some people have it together. Not these boys! 499 00:20:48,175 --> 00:20:49,647 Shouldn't they be on anti-psychotic medication? 500 00:20:49,672 --> 00:20:50,843 Come here. 501 00:20:50,845 --> 00:20:53,045 Definitely! But we stole their meds. 502 00:20:53,047 --> 00:20:56,493 Who's a good girl who got Daddy a severance package, huh? 503 00:20:59,865 --> 00:21:03,579 And they really seem jazzed about this idea. 504 00:21:03,657 --> 00:21:06,532 They really seemed jazzed about this idea, 505 00:21:06,607 --> 00:21:08,607 and so that made me jazzed. 506 00:21:08,609 --> 00:21:09,975 And when I was talking to the moms, 507 00:21:09,977 --> 00:21:13,345 we really got into it about gender politics, 508 00:21:13,347 --> 00:21:14,746 and that made me jazzed.