1 00:00:00,030 --> 00:00:02,865 ? Happy 30-birdy ? 2 00:00:02,876 --> 00:00:05,026 ? Happy 30... ? 3 00:00:05,037 --> 00:00:07,412 Happy 30th birthday, Abbi. 4 00:00:07,414 --> 00:00:09,915 Okay, so, today, we are walking from... 5 00:00:09,917 --> 00:00:12,451 Sorry, one second. Nose grease. 6 00:00:12,453 --> 00:00:14,753 This is gonna be the litty-est story ever. 7 00:00:14,755 --> 00:00:16,922 Happy 30th birthday, Abbi. 8 00:00:16,924 --> 00:00:19,458 Okay, so, today, we are walking from 9 00:00:19,460 --> 00:00:21,193 the tippity-top of Manhattan 10 00:00:21,195 --> 00:00:23,261 to the tippity-bottom of Manhattan. 11 00:00:27,068 --> 00:00:29,331 _ 12 00:00:29,940 --> 00:00:32,094 It's function, baby. It's fashion, baby. 13 00:00:32,105 --> 00:00:33,939 It's fluid, baby. 14 00:00:33,941 --> 00:00:36,375 I got to fill it up. There's nothing in there right now. 15 00:00:36,377 --> 00:00:39,371 Oh, yeah, dude. I am so happy that you got these. 16 00:00:39,382 --> 00:00:41,646 Phillip Lim on a Shopbop discount. 17 00:00:41,648 --> 00:00:44,182 $149 at 80% off, okay? 18 00:00:44,184 --> 00:00:46,310 And we're talking only half a size smaller 19 00:00:46,321 --> 00:00:49,822 than the size I actually wear, so work it, dawg! 20 00:00:49,824 --> 00:00:51,438 Hold on! ?Is that the key to my heart? 21 00:00:51,457 --> 00:00:52,875 Yeah, this is the key to your heart. 22 00:00:52,886 --> 00:00:55,152 - What's the other one? - The key to your ass! 23 00:00:56,940 --> 00:00:59,555 _ 24 00:01:01,164 --> 00:01:03,127 - How do you feel, Abbi? - I feel good. 25 00:01:03,138 --> 00:01:04,537 Bitch, how do you feel?! 26 00:01:04,539 --> 00:01:05,905 - I feel great! - Yes! 27 00:01:05,907 --> 00:01:07,940 Happy 30th birthday, dawg! 28 00:01:07,942 --> 00:01:11,044 Whoa, Ilana, are you sure those shoes are okay? 29 00:01:11,046 --> 00:01:13,513 Yes. ?Dude, I feel more comfortable 30 00:01:13,515 --> 00:01:15,248 in platforms than not. 31 00:01:16,200 --> 00:01:17,418 _ 32 00:01:18,901 --> 00:01:20,112 _ 33 00:01:20,358 --> 00:01:22,836 _ 34 00:01:28,963 --> 00:01:30,797 We're being held up here 35 00:01:30,799 --> 00:01:33,066 due to someone jumping on the tracks to get a photo. 36 00:01:33,068 --> 00:01:34,934 We'll be moving shortly. 37 00:01:34,936 --> 00:01:37,437 Oh, my good God. 38 00:01:37,439 --> 00:01:39,105 I can show you your present right now. 39 00:01:39,107 --> 00:01:41,074 - Ilana, I said no gifts. - Okay, but it happens 40 00:01:41,076 --> 00:01:43,643 to already be in your phone, so check your texts. 41 00:01:43,645 --> 00:01:45,712 What is it? 42 00:01:45,714 --> 00:01:48,281 Oh, my God! 43 00:01:48,283 --> 00:01:49,649 Ilana. 44 00:01:49,651 --> 00:01:51,150 What? 45 00:01:51,161 --> 00:01:53,126 _ 46 00:02:07,168 --> 00:02:11,003 ? I'm 15 for a moment ? 47 00:02:11,005 --> 00:02:12,638 Oh, my gosh! 48 00:02:12,640 --> 00:02:14,474 How long has this been going on? 49 00:02:14,476 --> 00:02:17,009 ? 22 for a moment ? 50 00:02:17,011 --> 00:02:20,012 ? And she feels better than ever ? 51 00:02:20,014 --> 00:02:23,516 ? And we're on fire ? 52 00:02:23,518 --> 00:02:29,255 ? Making our way back from Mars ? 53 00:02:29,257 --> 00:02:33,292 ? 15 there's still time for you ? 54 00:02:33,294 --> 00:02:37,330 ? Time to buy and time to lose ? 55 00:02:37,332 --> 00:02:43,269 ? 15, there's never a wish better than this ? 56 00:02:45,807 --> 00:02:47,955 Ilana, this is like... 57 00:02:49,644 --> 00:02:53,012 ? Time to buy and time to choose ? 58 00:02:53,014 --> 00:02:55,615 ? Hey 15 ? 59 00:02:55,617 --> 00:03:00,653 ? There's never a wish better than this ? 60 00:03:00,655 --> 00:03:06,659 ? When you only got a hundred years to live ? 61 00:03:11,375 --> 00:03:13,695 _ 62 00:03:14,302 --> 00:03:16,669 ? 4 and 3 and 2 and 1 ? 63 00:03:18,638 --> 00:03:20,998 - Synced and corrected by Shazi89 - - www.addic7ed.com - 64 00:03:21,009 --> 00:03:23,075 Yes, yes, yes, yes! 65 00:03:23,077 --> 00:03:26,412 ? Looks like we made it ? 66 00:03:26,414 --> 00:03:30,183 To Inwood! New York City, baby! 67 00:03:30,185 --> 00:03:33,452 Holy shit! There she is, the birthday girl herself! 68 00:03:35,056 --> 00:03:36,689 The pigs! 69 00:03:36,691 --> 00:03:38,891 Okay, no, for real, pigs. 70 00:03:38,893 --> 00:03:41,027 Dude, stop it. 71 00:03:41,029 --> 00:03:42,261 Stop. 72 00:03:42,263 --> 00:03:44,096 You're beautiful! 73 00:03:47,344 --> 00:03:50,212 ? Shake down, now shit's getting shook up, used... ? 74 00:03:51,806 --> 00:03:53,239 She's speechless. 75 00:03:53,241 --> 00:03:56,008 Morris Jumel Mansion, baby. Beside herself. 76 00:03:56,010 --> 00:03:58,811 This has been here the whole time, sitting here! 77 00:04:02,717 --> 00:04:04,217 Yeah. 78 00:04:07,021 --> 00:04:08,287 Come on! 79 00:04:08,289 --> 00:04:10,022 What? 80 00:04:10,024 --> 00:04:12,325 Oh, thank you. Uh, it's just this Onion article. 81 00:04:12,327 --> 00:04:13,926 It's just cracking me up, man. 82 00:04:13,928 --> 00:04:15,661 That's the Times. 83 00:04:21,569 --> 00:04:25,638 Wow. She's been practicing all season for this moment. 84 00:04:28,076 --> 00:04:30,076 Wow, since her recovery, I'm... I'm shocked 85 00:04:30,078 --> 00:04:31,544 at the eleganza she's bringing. 86 00:04:31,546 --> 00:04:33,112 No parents. Her parents divorced her, 87 00:04:33,123 --> 00:04:35,248 gave her over to coaches. She and her coach 88 00:04:35,250 --> 00:04:37,383 have had a sexual relationship for many years. 89 00:04:37,385 --> 00:04:40,353 Let's see if she can nail the triple axel! 90 00:04:40,355 --> 00:04:41,921 Oh! And she nailed it! 91 00:04:49,430 --> 00:04:51,631 Hair braiding! 92 00:04:51,633 --> 00:04:54,100 Hair braiding! 93 00:04:54,102 --> 00:04:56,135 You want your hair braided? 94 00:04:56,137 --> 00:04:57,670 You want your hair braided? 95 00:04:57,672 --> 00:04:58,838 No. Ilana, no. 96 00:04:58,840 --> 00:05:00,106 Come on! She's black. 97 00:05:00,108 --> 00:05:01,641 - She's saying it. - Hair braiding! 98 00:05:01,643 --> 00:05:03,144 I just don't think that you should... 99 00:05:03,155 --> 00:05:04,888 One braid. 100 00:05:10,018 --> 00:05:12,086 Thank you so much. 101 00:05:12,921 --> 00:05:15,537 Beautiful. It's very long. 102 00:05:16,090 --> 00:05:17,323 You know what it is? 103 00:05:17,325 --> 00:05:19,659 A touch of cultural appropriation 104 00:05:19,661 --> 00:05:21,193 sheds light on the matter. 105 00:05:21,195 --> 00:05:23,996 Whoo! 106 00:05:24,007 --> 00:05:26,243 Yeah! 107 00:05:26,254 --> 00:05:29,155 ? Dirty 30, hoo! ? 108 00:05:29,170 --> 00:05:31,637 ? Dirty 30, hoo! ? 109 00:05:31,639 --> 00:05:34,006 ? Dirty 30, yow! ? 110 00:05:34,008 --> 00:05:36,475 30, huh? Do you feel different? 111 00:05:36,477 --> 00:05:38,811 You look younger, actually. 112 00:05:38,813 --> 00:05:40,112 Dude, I feel fine. 113 00:05:40,114 --> 00:05:42,014 - I don't know. Whatever. - No, no, no, no. 114 00:05:42,016 --> 00:05:43,649 You are a-mahz-ing, 115 00:05:43,651 --> 00:05:45,785 fully a-mahz-ing and "sahno" phenomenal. 116 00:05:45,787 --> 00:05:47,987 Come on. ?You have two really nice parents 117 00:05:47,989 --> 00:05:49,355 and a great apartment. 118 00:05:49,357 --> 00:05:52,458 Yeah, no, I... I don't know. 119 00:05:52,460 --> 00:05:57,063 I guess I thought I'd be, like, married with kids by now. 120 00:05:57,065 --> 00:05:59,565 I guess it's good I have the job at Anthropologie. 121 00:05:59,567 --> 00:06:02,368 Yes! 'Cause, you know what? If you had kids, 122 00:06:02,370 --> 00:06:03,970 they'd leave you after 18 years, 123 00:06:03,972 --> 00:06:07,773 but Anthropologie, ?you might work there forever. 124 00:06:07,775 --> 00:06:09,342 I mean, I hope not. 125 00:06:09,344 --> 00:06:11,177 Me, too. You're not gonna work there forever, 126 00:06:11,179 --> 00:06:12,645 but you could if you wanted to 127 00:06:12,647 --> 00:06:14,584 'cause you're so good at your work, 128 00:06:14,595 --> 00:06:16,469 but you're surely gonna become a famous artist, 129 00:06:16,480 --> 00:06:17,679 so it's not even an issue. 130 00:06:17,690 --> 00:06:19,390 - Okay, let's just keep going. - Yeah. 131 00:06:26,198 --> 00:06:27,484 _ 132 00:06:27,495 --> 00:06:29,061 Damn! 133 00:06:29,063 --> 00:06:31,230 - Dude, stop filming. - I'm sorry, I have to report 134 00:06:31,232 --> 00:06:33,265 that Abbi just got clotheslined 135 00:06:33,267 --> 00:06:35,334 by a metal pole ?in the middle of the street. 136 00:06:35,336 --> 00:06:36,402 ?- Whoa! 137 00:06:36,404 --> 00:06:37,937 Ilana! My God! 138 00:06:37,939 --> 00:06:40,072 - Ilana! - Ow, damn it! 139 00:06:40,074 --> 00:06:41,340 Are you okay? 140 00:06:41,342 --> 00:06:44,844 Yeah, I just fully fell down a manhole. 141 00:06:44,846 --> 00:06:47,094 Wait, are you still filming? 142 00:06:47,682 --> 00:06:49,615 _ 143 00:06:49,617 --> 00:06:53,448 ? A girl on girl crumble ? 144 00:06:53,776 --> 00:06:55,587 (BLEEP) dude! I'm, like, actually hurt! 145 00:06:55,598 --> 00:06:57,219 I don't think I can climb up the ladder 146 00:06:57,230 --> 00:06:58,933 and film at the same time. 147 00:06:58,935 --> 00:07:01,502 I know what to do! Okay! 148 00:07:01,504 --> 00:07:03,827 Ohh. Oh, God. Okay. 149 00:07:03,838 --> 00:07:05,330 _ 150 00:07:08,847 --> 00:07:10,038 _ 151 00:07:10,049 --> 00:07:11,081 _ 152 00:07:12,469 --> 00:07:14,154 _ 153 00:07:16,219 --> 00:07:18,085 Dude, we got to go to a doctor. 154 00:07:18,087 --> 00:07:19,320 I'm fine! 155 00:07:19,322 --> 00:07:21,555 Plus we gotta walk the rest of Manhattan! 156 00:07:21,557 --> 00:07:23,288 _ 157 00:07:23,299 --> 00:07:24,815 _ 158 00:07:27,028 --> 00:07:28,253 _ 159 00:07:28,264 --> 00:07:30,564 Okay, aisle 4. 160 00:07:30,566 --> 00:07:31,599 Hell yeah. 161 00:07:31,601 --> 00:07:32,833 Ilana. Shoot. 162 00:07:32,835 --> 00:07:34,235 - Ilana! - Whoo-hoo! 163 00:07:34,237 --> 00:07:35,569 Oh, my God. 164 00:07:35,571 --> 00:07:38,439 I miss school only for the supplies. 165 00:07:38,441 --> 00:07:40,608 Oof! Lisa Frank, bitch! 166 00:07:40,610 --> 00:07:42,943 Mogul, bitch! Empire, bitch! 167 00:07:42,945 --> 00:07:44,645 School supplies. 168 00:07:45,544 --> 00:07:46,725 _ 169 00:07:46,736 --> 00:07:47,952 _ 170 00:07:49,112 --> 00:07:50,782 _ 171 00:07:50,793 --> 00:07:52,086 These are good ones. 172 00:07:52,088 --> 00:07:54,247 These are good markers. 173 00:07:59,074 --> 00:08:01,947 _ 174 00:08:02,598 --> 00:08:03,631 Killin' it. 175 00:08:06,101 --> 00:08:07,160 _ 176 00:08:07,171 --> 00:08:11,530 ? Happy birthday, dear Claire ? 177 00:08:11,541 --> 00:08:12,606 Brrring! 178 00:08:13,215 --> 00:08:14,512 _ 179 00:08:17,974 --> 00:08:19,438 _ 180 00:08:19,449 --> 00:08:20,998 _ 181 00:08:25,121 --> 00:08:27,038 Miss, um, how may I help you today? 182 00:08:27,049 --> 00:08:28,582 ?I don't know, what do you go? 183 00:08:28,593 --> 00:08:30,191 Well, for your lovely feet, 184 00:08:30,193 --> 00:08:32,760 I'm thinking we should definitely get you 185 00:08:32,762 --> 00:08:34,462 in something a little more comfy. 186 00:08:34,464 --> 00:08:36,831 I think you need something definitely with arch support. 187 00:08:36,833 --> 00:08:38,165 Cushioning. 188 00:08:38,167 --> 00:08:39,834 Breathable. You got it. 189 00:08:39,836 --> 00:08:41,335 Hi. Thank you so much. 190 00:08:41,337 --> 00:08:44,738 ? When you give me those ocean eyes ? 191 00:08:48,740 --> 00:08:51,218 I can't, like, lea... You know how they're always like, "Lean," 192 00:08:51,229 --> 00:08:54,215 and then they lean? Aah. Yeah, I can't do it. 193 00:08:59,355 --> 00:09:02,022 I'm like, "How many layers of irony can we go?" 194 00:09:02,024 --> 00:09:04,792 Skechers is selling ugly Skechers. 195 00:09:04,794 --> 00:09:06,261 Please. 196 00:09:07,697 --> 00:09:09,748 All right, dude. What are we even doing? 197 00:09:09,759 --> 00:09:12,032 Are these comfortable or what? 198 00:09:12,034 --> 00:09:13,334 Yeah, no, they're good. 199 00:09:13,336 --> 00:09:14,702 They're good! 200 00:09:17,616 --> 00:09:19,511 _ 201 00:09:19,522 --> 00:09:21,885 _ 202 00:09:22,318 --> 00:09:23,756 _ 203 00:09:24,003 --> 00:09:25,557 _ 204 00:09:26,349 --> 00:09:28,549 ?Wowee, wowee, what a steal! 205 00:09:28,551 --> 00:09:29,717 I'm buying these for you. 206 00:09:29,719 --> 00:09:30,851 What? 207 00:09:30,853 --> 00:09:32,553 - No! - Happy my birthday! 208 00:09:32,555 --> 00:09:33,921 I couldn't le... 209 00:09:33,923 --> 00:09:35,322 _ 210 00:09:36,359 --> 00:09:38,125 I'll take these, please. 211 00:09:38,127 --> 00:09:40,895 If you open up ?a Fresh Kicks credit card, 212 00:09:40,897 --> 00:09:42,863 these will be $9.99. 213 00:09:42,865 --> 00:09:44,665 Please do not film me. 214 00:09:44,667 --> 00:09:46,800 But adults do have ?more than one credit card. 215 00:09:46,802 --> 00:09:48,536 I should get the extra credit card. 216 00:09:48,538 --> 00:09:50,137 I should get it. It's not nuts 217 00:09:50,139 --> 00:09:51,825 for me to get another credit card. 218 00:09:51,836 --> 00:09:53,331 _ 219 00:09:53,342 --> 00:09:54,742 Okay. 220 00:09:54,744 --> 00:09:56,472 And I'll just do it. I'll just, like... 221 00:09:56,483 --> 00:09:58,779 You'll pay it. Don't need to tell Dad... 222 00:09:58,781 --> 00:10:00,214 tell Dad about it. 223 00:10:00,247 --> 00:10:02,699 _ 224 00:10:05,054 --> 00:10:07,221 And then I'll get the funds from my bank account 225 00:10:07,223 --> 00:10:08,556 that'll be sent to you, somehow. 226 00:10:08,558 --> 00:10:09,823 Yeah. 227 00:10:09,825 --> 00:10:11,926 I have two credit cards. 228 00:10:16,605 --> 00:10:18,035 _ 229 00:10:18,046 --> 00:10:19,262 _ 230 00:10:19,273 --> 00:10:20,344 _ 231 00:10:20,937 --> 00:10:24,271 Abbi Gary Anna Abrams. 232 00:10:24,273 --> 00:10:28,108 One of you (BLEEP) stole Abbi's credit card information, 233 00:10:28,110 --> 00:10:30,444 and I think I know the loser from high school that it is, 234 00:10:30,446 --> 00:10:35,182 and his name rhymes SchNicholas SchPaley, okay? 235 00:10:35,184 --> 00:10:37,649 Same thing did happen to Obama, though, so it's kind of hot. 236 00:10:37,660 --> 00:10:40,254 Ilana. Ilana! 237 00:10:48,364 --> 00:10:51,799 This how no one can go to a Disney Store. 238 00:10:51,801 --> 00:10:53,434 Is she close by? 239 00:10:53,436 --> 00:10:55,069 No. 240 00:10:55,071 --> 00:10:57,671 I don't know. 241 00:10:57,673 --> 00:11:00,541 Um... ?Okay, if any of my 213 followers 242 00:11:00,543 --> 00:11:02,443 is in the Midtown Mall, 243 00:11:02,445 --> 00:11:04,278 we just found a dope little girl, 244 00:11:04,280 --> 00:11:05,579 and her parents aren't here. 245 00:11:05,581 --> 00:11:07,314 But she's fine. She's with us, but... 246 00:11:07,316 --> 00:11:09,316 - What's your name? - Ga da na! 247 00:11:09,318 --> 00:11:11,417 - Gadanna! - Gadanna! 248 00:11:11,428 --> 00:11:13,087 That is gorgeous! 249 00:11:13,089 --> 00:11:15,155 Madonna, Rihanna, Ilana, Gadanna! 250 00:11:15,157 --> 00:11:17,024 Whoa. Dude, that's good. 251 00:11:17,035 --> 00:11:18,371 _ 252 00:11:18,382 --> 00:11:20,233 _ 253 00:11:21,097 --> 00:11:22,963 In the corner. 254 00:11:22,965 --> 00:11:26,133 Mommy, can I go explore over there? 255 00:11:28,475 --> 00:11:30,303 _ 256 00:11:32,408 --> 00:11:33,874 Hold on one sec, all right? 257 00:11:33,876 --> 00:11:35,843 _ 258 00:11:35,845 --> 00:11:38,545 So, we're going to Security, 259 00:11:38,547 --> 00:11:40,347 but we're riding the escalator, 260 00:11:40,349 --> 00:11:44,084 which is more fun, and it gives us more time with Gadanna! 261 00:11:44,086 --> 00:11:46,654 - Totally, dude. - No, I mean, it's insane. 262 00:11:46,656 --> 00:11:48,489 Like... 263 00:11:48,491 --> 00:11:49,957 What, she's 2? 264 00:11:49,959 --> 00:11:51,291 I'm 30. 265 00:11:51,293 --> 00:11:54,995 I mean, I could literally be her mom. 266 00:11:54,997 --> 00:11:56,841 I mean, if I was just walking around this... 267 00:11:56,852 --> 00:11:58,599 you know, the mall... by myself, 268 00:11:58,601 --> 00:12:00,401 and people saw me shopping with her, 269 00:12:00,403 --> 00:12:02,202 they'd be like, ? "That's a mom and her kid." 270 00:12:02,204 --> 00:12:03,303 You're crazy! 271 00:12:03,305 --> 00:12:04,571 Me?! 272 00:12:04,573 --> 00:12:06,407 - I'm crazy now? - You're crazy! 273 00:12:06,409 --> 00:12:07,941 - No! - She nut. 274 00:12:07,943 --> 00:12:11,011 Mommy! Mommy. Mom... 275 00:12:13,471 --> 00:12:14,749 _ 276 00:12:15,342 --> 00:12:18,476 Oh, Gadanna, you have taught us so much. 277 00:12:18,487 --> 00:12:20,387 Yeah, we're really gonna miss you. 278 00:12:20,389 --> 00:12:22,276 Okay, maybe we could just do, like, a double-cheek kiss. 279 00:12:22,287 --> 00:12:24,224 Yeah, yeah, yeah. ?Double-cheek kiss. Ready? 280 00:12:24,226 --> 00:12:25,292 - Mwah! - Mwah! 281 00:12:25,294 --> 00:12:26,727 Excuse me! 282 00:12:26,729 --> 00:12:29,663 What the (BLEEP) are you doing with my child? 283 00:12:29,665 --> 00:12:31,965 - Mommy? - Abbi? 284 00:12:31,967 --> 00:12:33,267 College Abbi. 285 00:12:33,278 --> 00:12:35,186 _ 286 00:12:35,197 --> 00:12:37,526 _ 287 00:12:37,537 --> 00:12:40,240 _ 288 00:12:40,242 --> 00:12:41,408 Did you take Bella? 289 00:12:41,410 --> 00:12:42,843 No, we didn't take her. 290 00:12:42,845 --> 00:12:44,578 She was clearly stranded. 291 00:12:44,580 --> 00:12:46,580 You should keep better track of your kids. 292 00:12:46,582 --> 00:12:49,350 Oh, grow up, Abbi. We're 30. 293 00:12:49,352 --> 00:12:51,485 Why the (BLEEP) are you filming her? 294 00:12:51,487 --> 00:12:56,857 Why the (Bleep) are you filming her? 295 00:12:56,859 --> 00:12:59,660 (BLEEP) bitch! 296 00:12:59,662 --> 00:13:01,595 (BLEEP) bitch. 297 00:13:03,564 --> 00:13:06,141 _ 298 00:13:06,152 --> 00:13:07,759 _ 299 00:13:07,770 --> 00:13:09,369 - Go! - No! 300 00:13:09,371 --> 00:13:11,538 Go, go, go! 301 00:13:11,540 --> 00:13:13,340 No, dude! You out? 302 00:13:13,342 --> 00:13:14,375 - Yes! - You can't! 303 00:13:14,377 --> 00:13:16,043 Oh! You can't leave! 304 00:13:18,155 --> 00:13:20,790 So, we just downloaded that story for evidence, 305 00:13:20,792 --> 00:13:22,992 but now, um, the rest of Manhattan! 306 00:13:22,994 --> 00:13:25,228 - Whoop, whoo-oop! - No, I mean, what a (BLEEP) bitch. 307 00:13:25,230 --> 00:13:27,912 Like, what a mess. Like, we are so not pedophiles, dude. 308 00:13:27,923 --> 00:13:30,166 - No! - I mean, and her name is Cheese? 309 00:13:30,168 --> 00:13:31,736 - Come on. - But it's not really Cheese. 310 00:13:31,747 --> 00:13:33,169 No, whatever her name is! 311 00:13:33,171 --> 00:13:35,175 Listen, all this girl wanted to do in college 312 00:13:35,186 --> 00:13:37,207 was, like, ecstasy and take group showers... 313 00:13:37,209 --> 00:13:39,542 ones that I never even wanted to be a part of, by the way. 314 00:13:39,544 --> 00:13:41,578 Even if she would have asked me, I would have never done it. 315 00:13:41,580 --> 00:13:43,250 And now she has a bunch of (BLEEP) kids, 316 00:13:43,261 --> 00:13:44,642 and she thinks she's (BLEEP) better than me? 317 00:13:44,653 --> 00:13:46,095 - No! ?- She thinks she's better than me? 318 00:13:46,106 --> 00:13:47,456 - No! - Bullshit! 319 00:13:53,091 --> 00:13:55,625 We're coming to ya, men! 320 00:13:55,627 --> 00:13:57,794 Whoo! Ma men! 321 00:14:00,132 --> 00:14:01,431 - Whoo! - Hey. 322 00:14:01,433 --> 00:14:03,733 - Happy birthday. - Thank you so much. 323 00:14:03,735 --> 00:14:05,668 - Thank you. - Hey, happy birthday. 324 00:14:05,670 --> 00:14:07,170 - Hey. - Hi. 325 00:14:07,172 --> 00:14:10,140 - Ilana, what happened? - Oh, God. Okay, so... 326 00:14:10,142 --> 00:14:16,546 ? Amazing grace ? 327 00:14:16,548 --> 00:14:23,186 ? How sweet the sound ? 328 00:14:23,188 --> 00:14:29,025 ? That saved a wretch ? 329 00:14:31,496 --> 00:14:33,863 - What is this? - Hey! 330 00:14:37,068 --> 00:14:38,902 Ah, what's up, Bubbie? 331 00:14:38,904 --> 00:14:40,603 Yo, yo, yo, yo. 332 00:14:43,041 --> 00:14:45,041 Okay, let's do this quick before she gets back. 333 00:14:45,043 --> 00:14:48,445 _ 334 00:14:48,447 --> 00:14:50,180 Happy birthday, Abbies! I hope you have 335 00:14:50,182 --> 00:14:52,515 the most amazing one. I love you so much. 336 00:14:52,517 --> 00:14:54,951 I hope the 30s are everything you expect them to be. 337 00:14:54,953 --> 00:14:58,922 And I'm really happy it's happening to you before me. 338 00:14:58,924 --> 00:15:00,957 You are older than me. That's why I say this. 339 00:15:00,959 --> 00:15:03,293 God, dude, I remember my 30s. 340 00:15:03,295 --> 00:15:05,128 All I had was a beeper... a frickin' beeper. 341 00:15:05,130 --> 00:15:06,896 Nobody had freakin' cellphones, 342 00:15:06,898 --> 00:15:08,965 every two minutes checking your phone. 343 00:15:08,967 --> 00:15:10,545 I'm so happy I didn't grow up... 344 00:15:10,556 --> 00:15:12,035 Cheers, Abbi. 345 00:15:12,037 --> 00:15:15,295 Happy birthday. I'm so excited to celebrate 346 00:15:15,306 --> 00:15:17,251 this momentous occasion with you. 347 00:15:17,262 --> 00:15:19,262 I feel like this is your year, 348 00:15:19,264 --> 00:15:21,064 so you need to do something with it. 349 00:15:21,075 --> 00:15:22,223 _ 350 00:15:24,929 --> 00:15:27,606 _ 351 00:15:28,173 --> 00:15:30,774 If I know my baby's poop schedule, 352 00:15:30,776 --> 00:15:33,210 she is just about finished. 353 00:15:33,212 --> 00:15:35,579 Look at these. How cute is this? 354 00:15:37,916 --> 00:15:39,282 Okay, here we go. 355 00:15:43,158 --> 00:15:44,752 _ 356 00:15:44,763 --> 00:15:46,320 _ 357 00:15:48,103 --> 00:15:50,771 _ 358 00:15:51,230 --> 00:15:53,997 Thank you guys so much for all the sweet messages. 359 00:15:53,999 --> 00:15:56,299 - Yay! - Yay! 360 00:15:56,301 --> 00:15:59,269 I also saw the new butt video. 361 00:15:59,271 --> 00:16:02,139 Okay, the lady doth not protest, though, so... 362 00:16:02,141 --> 00:16:04,541 They're good... They're good pants for the... for the butt. 363 00:16:04,543 --> 00:16:05,642 Really good. 364 00:16:05,653 --> 00:16:07,412 _ 365 00:16:08,680 --> 00:16:11,448 _ 366 00:16:11,450 --> 00:16:14,084 It's crazy we never walked across the Brooklyn Bridge together. 367 00:16:14,086 --> 00:16:15,218 One day... 368 00:16:15,220 --> 00:16:16,586 Look at it. 369 00:16:16,597 --> 00:16:18,840 _ 370 00:16:22,027 --> 00:16:25,629 Dude! This is where the Titanic docked. 371 00:16:25,631 --> 00:16:27,311 Are you joking? 372 00:16:28,767 --> 00:16:30,734 I wasn't. I get... I see now. 373 00:16:30,736 --> 00:16:32,244 I mean, I just... I saw the movie. 374 00:16:32,255 --> 00:16:33,937 I just didn't remember. 375 00:16:33,939 --> 00:16:36,039 This is hard. 376 00:16:36,041 --> 00:16:38,275 Oh, I love you! 377 00:16:38,277 --> 00:16:40,644 Holy shit. 378 00:16:40,646 --> 00:16:42,279 Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! 379 00:16:45,484 --> 00:16:47,417 No! 380 00:16:47,419 --> 00:16:50,120 Oh, my God! This sucks! 381 00:16:50,122 --> 00:16:52,155 What are we gonna do? We can't stop now! 382 00:16:52,157 --> 00:16:53,824 - Use my phone. - Oh, yeah. 383 00:16:56,862 --> 00:16:59,529 ? Bet I'm gon kill it ? 384 00:16:59,531 --> 00:17:01,398 ? Sittin' on a sceptre, bet I'm gon kill it ? 385 00:17:01,400 --> 00:17:04,601 A little left, yeah. 386 00:17:04,603 --> 00:17:06,503 Lower. Yeah. 387 00:17:08,807 --> 00:17:10,941 Suck it, suck it, suck it, suck it. 388 00:17:10,943 --> 00:17:12,476 (BLEEP) you! 389 00:17:12,478 --> 00:17:16,112 Everybody's laughing at you, you (BLEEP) clown! 390 00:17:21,458 --> 00:17:23,724 _ 391 00:17:25,023 --> 00:17:27,858 ? Go down, go down, go down ? 392 00:17:27,860 --> 00:17:30,694 ? Yeah, let me see you go to town, yeah ? 393 00:17:30,696 --> 00:17:33,496 ? Go down, go down, go down ? 394 00:17:33,498 --> 00:17:38,134 ? Yeah, yeah, if you're down, boy, really down ? 395 00:17:38,136 --> 00:17:40,170 ? Baby, let me watch you go to town ? 396 00:17:40,172 --> 00:17:42,472 ? It's your one chance, baby, never or ? 397 00:17:42,474 --> 00:17:43,605 We did it! 398 00:17:43,616 --> 00:17:45,375 - We did it! - We walked all of Manhattan, 399 00:17:45,377 --> 00:17:47,677 ?from the tippity-top to the tippity-bottom. 400 00:17:47,679 --> 00:17:49,655 Okay, Abbi, so, what's one thing you did last year 401 00:17:49,666 --> 00:17:51,346 that you're proud of? 402 00:17:51,357 --> 00:17:53,250 What the (Bleep) dude? 403 00:17:53,252 --> 00:17:54,818 - Holy shit! - Are you kidding me? 404 00:17:54,820 --> 00:17:58,054 If you think that I am "cuckoo caca insahno," 405 00:17:58,056 --> 00:18:00,357 then say it to my face. 406 00:18:00,359 --> 00:18:02,359 You're cuckoo caca insahno. 407 00:18:02,361 --> 00:18:04,947 Wait a second. Did you (BLEEP) follow us down here? 408 00:18:04,958 --> 00:18:05,960 - Yes. - How? 409 00:18:05,971 --> 00:18:07,531 You posted your location tags. 410 00:18:07,533 --> 00:18:08,711 - Dur. Dur, dur. - Right. 411 00:18:08,722 --> 00:18:11,368 Running around the city with your little foibles 412 00:18:11,370 --> 00:18:14,437 and your little mishaps and your little shenanigans. 413 00:18:14,439 --> 00:18:16,106 Get over yourself! 414 00:18:16,108 --> 00:18:18,542 - Oh, I'm over myself. - She hates herself. 415 00:18:18,544 --> 00:18:20,577 You're the one with the perfect (BLEEP) life. 416 00:18:20,579 --> 00:18:23,246 You're always posting photos of yourself on vacation, 417 00:18:23,248 --> 00:18:24,714 - on beaches and stuff. - You're rich. 418 00:18:24,716 --> 00:18:27,017 And you're always at cupcake and pizza parties! 419 00:18:27,019 --> 00:18:30,287 I never get to eat that stuff, especially not in party format! 420 00:18:30,289 --> 00:18:33,924 And excuse me... four children and look like this? 421 00:18:33,926 --> 00:18:35,258 - You look unbelievable. - Yeah. 422 00:18:35,260 --> 00:18:37,661 You are literally woman magic. 423 00:18:37,663 --> 00:18:39,396 So (BLEEP) you. 424 00:18:42,134 --> 00:18:43,466 Thank you. 425 00:18:43,468 --> 00:18:44,834 But... no! 426 00:18:44,836 --> 00:18:46,403 No, I... 427 00:18:46,405 --> 00:18:47,938 I'm struggling. 428 00:18:47,940 --> 00:18:49,940 My tits are down to my knees. 429 00:18:49,942 --> 00:18:52,943 I sleep ?like 90 minutes a night. 430 00:18:52,945 --> 00:18:54,644 I am floundering! 431 00:18:57,249 --> 00:19:00,283 Okay, okay, okay. Uh, you're Cheese! 432 00:19:00,285 --> 00:19:02,452 You'll always be Cheese to me! 433 00:19:02,454 --> 00:19:04,988 And me, 'cause I don't know your government name. 434 00:19:04,990 --> 00:19:06,122 It's Lindsey. 435 00:19:06,124 --> 00:19:07,624 - Lindsey. - Oh, my God. Right. 436 00:19:07,626 --> 00:19:09,125 Thank you, you guys. 437 00:19:09,127 --> 00:19:10,593 Aww! Aww! 438 00:19:10,595 --> 00:19:12,896 God, social media is terrible. 439 00:19:14,633 --> 00:19:16,733 Oh (BLEEP) I got to go. 440 00:19:16,735 --> 00:19:17,934 I wish I could hang out, guys. 441 00:19:17,936 --> 00:19:19,035 - Yeah, us, too. - I'm sorry. 442 00:19:19,037 --> 00:19:20,403 - Yeah. - But next time. 443 00:19:20,405 --> 00:19:21,749 Jackson, 444 00:19:21,760 --> 00:19:24,741 get back in the (BLEEP) car! 445 00:19:24,743 --> 00:19:26,710 That sucks. To be her. 446 00:19:26,712 --> 00:19:28,011 - Jackson! - Or Jackson. 447 00:19:28,013 --> 00:19:30,747 Okay, let's just see the damage. 448 00:19:30,749 --> 00:19:32,115 - Dude! God. - Oh. You know what? 449 00:19:32,117 --> 00:19:34,484 It was already on its way, but... 450 00:19:34,486 --> 00:19:37,253 No, it's, um... Okay, it's not that bad. 451 00:19:37,255 --> 00:19:39,789 Look at your finger! 452 00:19:39,791 --> 00:19:41,624 It's fine. 453 00:19:41,626 --> 00:19:43,727 I have to get a new phone now. 454 00:19:43,729 --> 00:19:45,423 Just... 455 00:19:48,667 --> 00:19:51,468 It's stunning. It's gorgeous. 456 00:19:51,470 --> 00:19:53,870 - Jesus! - Dude, we don't have a phone. 457 00:19:53,872 --> 00:19:55,472 We don't... We can't record this! 458 00:19:55,474 --> 00:19:58,375 No one's gonna believe that we even saw this! 459 00:19:58,377 --> 00:19:59,976 I mean... 460 00:19:59,978 --> 00:20:02,345 I guess we could just experience it. 461 00:20:02,347 --> 00:20:03,813 Ew. 462 00:20:12,357 --> 00:20:15,225 That's cuckoo caca insahno, but the good kind. 463 00:20:15,227 --> 00:20:17,527 - There's a good kind? - Oh, yeah. 464 00:20:19,452 --> 00:20:22,019 Look at this. Can you believe her? 465 00:20:22,021 --> 00:20:23,854 - Looks pretty perfect. - You know what, dude? 466 00:20:23,856 --> 00:20:26,857 I think I need to get off social media. 467 00:20:26,859 --> 00:20:28,359 It's over between us. 468 00:20:28,361 --> 00:20:29,760 Okay. Okay. 469 00:20:29,762 --> 00:20:31,996 Dude, me, too. Me, too, dude, 470 00:20:31,998 --> 00:20:36,167 because I don't really remember any of the day. 471 00:20:36,169 --> 00:20:38,287 Yeah, I mean... 472 00:20:39,138 --> 00:20:40,938 Shit. It feels like 473 00:20:40,940 --> 00:20:43,140 because we were filming it, 474 00:20:43,142 --> 00:20:46,310 it's not even our story anymore. 475 00:20:46,312 --> 00:20:48,512 It's like Stories' stories. 476 00:20:48,514 --> 00:20:50,081 Yes. 477 00:20:52,418 --> 00:20:55,379 - Synced and corrected by Shazi89 - - www.addic7ed.com -