1 00:00:00,873 --> 00:00:03,202 - Hi. Tammy, alcoholic. - GROUP: Hi, Tammy. 2 00:00:03,227 --> 00:00:05,390 Whew. I'm still a little rattled. 3 00:00:05,415 --> 00:00:08,343 I'm standing in line at the salad bar today, 4 00:00:08,368 --> 00:00:10,751 and there's this cop behind me. 5 00:00:10,776 --> 00:00:13,527 So, of course, fresh out of jail, I get paranoid. 6 00:00:13,552 --> 00:00:17,468 My hands start shaking, chickpeas rolling off the plate. 7 00:00:17,804 --> 00:00:20,851 Freaked me out so much, I left without getting 8 00:00:20,876 --> 00:00:22,425 any of those itty-bitty corncobs, 9 00:00:22,450 --> 00:00:24,149 which is the whole reason I went. 10 00:00:25,812 --> 00:00:27,775 I mean, am I gonna spend the rest of my life 11 00:00:27,800 --> 00:00:30,601 looking over my shoulder, afraid they're gonna lock me up again? 12 00:00:30,983 --> 00:00:32,999 I can't go back to jail. 13 00:00:33,191 --> 00:00:35,273 There's no tiny corn there. 14 00:00:36,270 --> 00:00:38,007 And people stab you. 15 00:00:39,789 --> 00:00:41,872 Anyway, thanks. 16 00:00:43,956 --> 00:00:45,530 Would anyone else like to share? 17 00:00:45,555 --> 00:00:47,628 Hi. Christy, alcoholic. 18 00:00:47,653 --> 00:00:48,985 Hi, Christy. 19 00:00:49,018 --> 00:00:51,953 I was so not planning on coming to the meeting today. 20 00:00:51,978 --> 00:00:54,935 I mean, I had no school, no work, 21 00:00:55,032 --> 00:00:57,365 and all I wanted to do was lie on the couch 22 00:00:57,390 --> 00:00:59,031 and binge-watch Chopped. 23 00:00:59,629 --> 00:01:02,179 P.S. I would be great on that show. 24 00:01:02,218 --> 00:01:04,648 I can't tell you how many times I've opened up the fridge 25 00:01:04,673 --> 00:01:07,982 and all I had was gummy bears, tortillas and mustard. 26 00:01:08,171 --> 00:01:10,609 That was a challenging Thanksgiving. 27 00:01:11,154 --> 00:01:15,239 But next thing I knew, I was putting my shoes on, 28 00:01:15,264 --> 00:01:17,781 getting in the car and driving here. 29 00:01:17,806 --> 00:01:20,661 I can't believe it; I have sober feet. 30 00:01:22,093 --> 00:01:23,642 They know where I'm supposed to be, 31 00:01:23,667 --> 00:01:25,366 even when I don't want to be there. 32 00:01:26,711 --> 00:01:28,077 Sober feet. 33 00:01:30,306 --> 00:01:31,960 Anyway, that's all. 34 00:01:31,985 --> 00:01:34,225 Really glad to be here. 35 00:01:36,108 --> 00:01:37,601 - Anyone else? - I'll go. 36 00:01:37,626 --> 00:01:39,820 - Hi. Bonnie, alcoholic. - Hi, Bonnie. 37 00:01:39,845 --> 00:01:43,411 Well, my fiancé's bar has finally turned a corner. 38 00:01:43,789 --> 00:01:46,070 So, with Adam busy, I have a lot of time to myself, 39 00:01:46,095 --> 00:01:47,655 which, when I drank, could be dangerous, 40 00:01:47,680 --> 00:01:49,000 but now is kind of nice. 41 00:01:49,025 --> 00:01:52,193 I can eat what I want, see any movie I want. 42 00:01:52,218 --> 00:01:54,815 By golly, for the first time in my life, 43 00:01:54,840 --> 00:01:56,506 I get to be a little selfish. 44 00:01:56,670 --> 00:01:58,586 Too easy. 45 00:02:01,125 --> 00:02:03,420 Come on. "Sober feet." 46 00:02:03,506 --> 00:02:05,765 That's recovery gold right there. 47 00:02:06,002 --> 00:02:08,369 But I look over at Nora, I get nothing. 48 00:02:08,394 --> 00:02:11,105 Not a smile, not a wink, not even a finger gun. 49 00:02:12,705 --> 00:02:15,843 You know, sweetie, needy's not a good color on you. 50 00:02:16,500 --> 00:02:18,780 It's not needy to want an "attaboy" 51 00:02:18,805 --> 00:02:20,604 from my sponsor once in a while. 52 00:02:20,629 --> 00:02:23,213 I always give my sponsees my full attention. 53 00:02:23,238 --> 00:02:26,476 Oh, please. You slept through my entire share last week. 54 00:02:26,843 --> 00:02:28,612 I was meditating. 55 00:02:28,698 --> 00:02:31,843 Is your secret mantra, "I'm awake"? 56 00:02:33,253 --> 00:02:35,053 Spot-on, Big Sauce. She does the same thing 57 00:02:35,078 --> 00:02:36,744 when we're at home watching Blue Bloods. 58 00:02:36,769 --> 00:02:39,186 Well, it's the only way I can get you to stop talking. 59 00:02:39,414 --> 00:02:42,242 I do get chatty when Donnie Wahlberg's on camera. 60 00:02:42,750 --> 00:02:45,820 I just have a feeling he's a fascinating person. 61 00:02:48,572 --> 00:02:51,523 All right, coffee pot is clean. I'm out of here. 62 00:02:51,548 --> 00:02:53,554 Hey, Nora! 63 00:02:55,671 --> 00:02:57,558 Awesome share. 64 00:02:57,593 --> 00:03:00,476 I always get so much out of what you have to say. 65 00:03:00,501 --> 00:03:02,050 Thanks. 66 00:03:03,766 --> 00:03:05,816 Well, that was hard to watch. 67 00:03:05,841 --> 00:03:07,423 She knows how it works. 68 00:03:07,448 --> 00:03:08,897 "Hey, I liked your share." 69 00:03:08,922 --> 00:03:10,638 "Thanks. I liked your share, too." 70 00:03:10,663 --> 00:03:12,412 Well, I liked your share today. 71 00:03:12,640 --> 00:03:14,807 Thank you, Wendy. I liked your share, too. 72 00:03:14,832 --> 00:03:16,048 I didn't share. 73 00:03:16,221 --> 00:03:17,703 Oh. 74 00:03:18,481 --> 00:03:20,815 Attaboy. 75 00:03:32,767 --> 00:03:37,767 Subtitle sync and corrections by ChrisKe for www.addic7ed.com. 76 00:03:41,632 --> 00:03:44,068 Oh! 77 00:03:44,093 --> 00:03:46,131 What's the body count so far? 78 00:03:46,156 --> 00:03:48,539 Well, assuming that cheerleader can't sew her head back on, 79 00:03:48,564 --> 00:03:50,435 - we're up to five. - Yeah. 80 00:03:50,725 --> 00:03:54,406 Her head's on the floor, but her hands still think she's alive. 81 00:03:54,431 --> 00:03:55,747 Is it safe to look now? 82 00:03:55,832 --> 00:03:57,155 Hang on. 83 00:03:57,978 --> 00:03:59,311 All clear. 84 00:04:03,100 --> 00:04:04,482 You guys suck! 85 00:04:04,507 --> 00:04:07,141 The-the jock gets it in the jockstrap. 86 00:04:07,448 --> 00:04:09,248 Now, that's good writing. 87 00:04:09,273 --> 00:04:10,239 Mm. 88 00:04:10,264 --> 00:04:12,030 - Unbelievable. - What? 89 00:04:12,055 --> 00:04:15,183 I texted Nora an hour ago, and she still hasn't responded. 90 00:04:15,208 --> 00:04:16,591 So I paused the movie 91 00:04:16,616 --> 00:04:17,927 for something that didn't actually happen? 92 00:04:17,952 --> 00:04:19,118 Yeah. 93 00:04:19,143 --> 00:04:21,276 Why are you so obsessed with Nora's approval? 94 00:04:21,301 --> 00:04:23,022 I mean, is it 'cause she's famous or something? 95 00:04:23,047 --> 00:04:25,679 She's not famous; she does the weather for the local news. 96 00:04:25,704 --> 00:04:29,225 And co-hosts the Napa Valley Thanksgiving Day Parade. 97 00:04:30,060 --> 00:04:31,643 It's on two channels. 98 00:04:31,668 --> 00:04:33,679 Christy's always been an approval junkie. 99 00:04:33,704 --> 00:04:35,850 In high school, if there was one person in her class 100 00:04:35,875 --> 00:04:38,125 that didn't like her, that's who she'd have sex with. 101 00:04:38,425 --> 00:04:40,092 Hey, it worked. 102 00:04:40,117 --> 00:04:42,200 You should take a page from the Book of Bonnie. 103 00:04:42,225 --> 00:04:43,536 She never cares what people think. 104 00:04:43,631 --> 00:04:44,596 She should. 105 00:04:44,632 --> 00:04:47,093 See, you say that; don't care. 106 00:04:50,250 --> 00:04:52,414 Oh, look, it's Nora. 107 00:04:52,439 --> 00:04:54,796 - She called you? - Relax. It's Jill. 108 00:04:55,413 --> 00:04:56,785 What's up? 109 00:04:56,950 --> 00:04:58,718 Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Slow down. 110 00:04:59,858 --> 00:05:02,124 - Are you okay? - What happened? 111 00:05:02,149 --> 00:05:04,566 Someone broke into her house. Uh, we're on our way. 112 00:05:05,147 --> 00:05:08,070 Okay, listen, if the police ask any questions, 113 00:05:08,095 --> 00:05:10,229 I was here with you all night watching movies. 114 00:05:10,324 --> 00:05:12,157 You were watching a movie with us. 115 00:05:12,182 --> 00:05:14,099 Oh, good, say it just like that. 116 00:05:17,225 --> 00:05:20,048 I just keep thinking, if I'd gotten home ten minutes earlier, 117 00:05:20,073 --> 00:05:21,739 maybe they still would've been in here. 118 00:05:21,764 --> 00:05:23,814 I could be lying on the floor dead. 119 00:05:23,839 --> 00:05:27,061 But your hands don't know it yet, so they're still twitching. 120 00:05:27,765 --> 00:05:28,817 Quit it. 121 00:05:30,701 --> 00:05:33,452 We're just glad you're okay. What'd they get? 122 00:05:33,514 --> 00:05:35,897 Oh, all the jewelry that wasn't in the safe 123 00:05:35,922 --> 00:05:38,122 and everything from the loose cash bowl. 124 00:05:38,147 --> 00:05:40,129 - The what? - You know how you have 125 00:05:40,154 --> 00:05:41,703 a bowl with loose pennies and buttons in it? 126 00:05:41,728 --> 00:05:43,666 Jill does that with 20s and 50s. 127 00:05:43,691 --> 00:05:47,609 It's for tips, trick-or-treaters or Mormons. 128 00:05:49,163 --> 00:05:50,529 How much was in there? 129 00:05:50,914 --> 00:05:53,945 I don't know, couple of inches? 130 00:05:54,266 --> 00:05:55,504 I can't find the milk. 131 00:05:55,529 --> 00:05:57,980 Oh, my God, those bastards took the milk. 132 00:05:58,115 --> 00:05:59,648 Ms. Kendall? 133 00:05:59,673 --> 00:06:01,148 In the kitchen! 134 00:06:01,173 --> 00:06:02,806 Big house. Doesn't help. 135 00:06:02,831 --> 00:06:06,344 Follow my voice, follow my voice, follow my voice! 136 00:06:07,775 --> 00:06:10,442 All right, checked the whole property. It's clear. 137 00:06:10,610 --> 00:06:11,776 Thank you, Officer. 138 00:06:11,886 --> 00:06:13,268 No problem. 139 00:06:13,293 --> 00:06:15,259 Sir, just so you know, I'm on parole. 140 00:06:15,284 --> 00:06:17,499 But I have an alibi; I was with them 141 00:06:17,524 --> 00:06:19,107 watching slasher movies all night. 142 00:06:19,132 --> 00:06:21,382 Oh. Yeah, those are fun, 143 00:06:21,407 --> 00:06:23,422 till you walk in on a real crime scene. 144 00:06:24,099 --> 00:06:26,508 I bet you've seen some messed-up stuff. 145 00:06:26,533 --> 00:06:29,523 I don't like to talk about it, but no. 146 00:06:30,070 --> 00:06:31,620 This is Napa Valley. 147 00:06:31,645 --> 00:06:34,492 People call 911 when they get a bad wedge of brie. 148 00:06:34,517 --> 00:06:36,099 Oh, I love brie. 149 00:06:36,633 --> 00:06:38,240 All right, here's my card. 150 00:06:38,265 --> 00:06:40,375 Give me a call tomorrow with a list of what's gone missing, 151 00:06:40,400 --> 00:06:41,316 you know, for your insurance. 152 00:06:41,341 --> 00:06:42,591 Thank you. 153 00:06:42,616 --> 00:06:45,563 Oh, and, uh, I, uh... 154 00:06:46,587 --> 00:06:48,053 I just got one more question for you. 155 00:06:48,554 --> 00:06:50,656 Um, is that a Kalamazoo grill in the backyard? 156 00:06:50,924 --> 00:06:52,656 I don't know. My ex-husband put it in. 157 00:06:52,681 --> 00:06:53,930 I don't touch the thing. 158 00:06:54,359 --> 00:06:56,428 How can... 159 00:06:58,497 --> 00:07:00,210 How can you not... 160 00:07:00,944 --> 00:07:03,245 I'm sorry. It's just, when I buy a lottery ticket, 161 00:07:03,270 --> 00:07:05,320 that grill is what I'm dreaming of. 162 00:07:05,345 --> 00:07:07,984 You can burn wood, charcoal, gas, or-or... 163 00:07:08,358 --> 00:07:10,108 you can go infrared. 164 00:07:12,868 --> 00:07:14,117 Infrared. 165 00:07:15,494 --> 00:07:16,971 You're getting a little worked up here, Officer. 166 00:07:16,996 --> 00:07:18,579 It's just sitting there! 167 00:07:18,889 --> 00:07:20,939 Well, good thing they didn't steal that. 168 00:07:20,964 --> 00:07:22,580 Okay. 169 00:07:22,617 --> 00:07:24,339 You can't steal it; it's built-in. 170 00:07:24,374 --> 00:07:25,340 I'm sorry. 171 00:07:25,365 --> 00:07:27,282 You ladies, have a, have a good night. 172 00:07:29,992 --> 00:07:31,921 It's a left, two rights and a left. 173 00:07:31,953 --> 00:07:33,312 Copy that. 174 00:07:34,695 --> 00:07:38,186 Well, thanks again for coming, but I think I'm okay now. 175 00:07:38,211 --> 00:07:39,744 Yeah. Unless they come back. 176 00:07:39,769 --> 00:07:40,935 What? 177 00:07:41,141 --> 00:07:42,441 Why would you say that? 178 00:07:42,476 --> 00:07:43,809 It happens all the time. 179 00:07:43,834 --> 00:07:45,362 I mean, now that the guy knows the layout, 180 00:07:45,387 --> 00:07:46,414 he could get a couple buddies, come back, 181 00:07:46,439 --> 00:07:48,929 - toss this place like a Caesar salad. - Tammy! 182 00:07:48,954 --> 00:07:51,765 I'm sorry! You're right. It could be a chick. 183 00:07:54,146 --> 00:07:57,064 I really appreciate you guys spending the night. 184 00:07:59,621 --> 00:08:02,172 I still think you could've made room for me up there. 185 00:08:02,197 --> 00:08:04,921 I still think, while you're down there, you can rub my feet. 186 00:08:06,632 --> 00:08:08,966 Bonnie, would you please check the windows again? 187 00:08:09,467 --> 00:08:10,767 Sure. 188 00:08:13,520 --> 00:08:15,179 - Back. - Damn it. 189 00:08:16,527 --> 00:08:18,004 You know, we can't sleep here every night. 190 00:08:18,029 --> 00:08:19,529 Speak for yourself. 191 00:08:19,554 --> 00:08:22,515 This mattress is taking on the shape of my ass. 192 00:08:23,695 --> 00:08:27,157 - It's memory foam. - Well, I want to marry it. 193 00:08:27,317 --> 00:08:29,150 Maybe you should hire some security, you know, 194 00:08:29,175 --> 00:08:31,468 someone to stay here till you get over the yips. 195 00:08:31,493 --> 00:08:32,792 How 'bout that cop? 196 00:08:32,817 --> 00:08:34,567 A lot of those guys do off-duty work. 197 00:08:34,592 --> 00:08:36,058 Mm, I don't know. 198 00:08:36,083 --> 00:08:38,500 He wouldn't shut up about my barbecue. 199 00:08:38,525 --> 00:08:41,275 I mean, what man notices that and not me? 200 00:08:41,553 --> 00:08:44,103 You're right, don't call a cop. Call a Hells Angel. 201 00:08:44,128 --> 00:08:47,765 They know how to crack heads and appreciate a pretty lady. 202 00:08:48,618 --> 00:08:51,869 Shh, shh, shh! Did you just hear that? 203 00:08:51,894 --> 00:08:54,335 Jill, the alarm's on, you're surrounded by us, 204 00:08:54,360 --> 00:08:56,638 and Christy's closest to the door... they'll get her first. 205 00:08:58,265 --> 00:08:59,764 The hell they will! 206 00:09:02,805 --> 00:09:05,723 Geez, shave your legs once in a while! 207 00:09:07,811 --> 00:09:09,778 Okay, if this is gonna work, 208 00:09:09,803 --> 00:09:11,770 everybody has to sleep on their side. 209 00:09:19,577 --> 00:09:21,494 - Flip the dolphin, Tam. - Oh, sure, sure. 210 00:09:26,853 --> 00:09:28,093 What's this? 211 00:09:29,362 --> 00:09:31,195 Warm brown food? 212 00:09:31,768 --> 00:09:33,257 I'm in. 213 00:09:35,472 --> 00:09:37,856 Appears to be some sort of chili. 214 00:09:40,207 --> 00:09:41,873 Yep, chili. 215 00:09:42,536 --> 00:09:45,920 Hey! What are you doing, you big moose?! 216 00:09:46,592 --> 00:09:47,682 You just walk in 217 00:09:47,707 --> 00:09:49,351 and eat anything that's cooking on the stove? 218 00:09:49,376 --> 00:09:51,259 It's kept me alive so far. 219 00:09:51,284 --> 00:09:53,534 Well, it's not for you. It's for Nora. 220 00:09:53,559 --> 00:09:55,643 I did a little snooping around on Instagram; 221 00:09:55,668 --> 00:09:57,084 found out it's her favorite thing. 222 00:09:57,109 --> 00:09:59,359 Oh, my God, you're making chili for Nora 223 00:09:59,384 --> 00:10:00,717 just so she'll like you. 224 00:10:00,742 --> 00:10:02,499 Hey, I used to make you screwdrivers 225 00:10:02,524 --> 00:10:04,024 to get you to like me. 226 00:10:05,037 --> 00:10:08,123 You did have a good firm pour for an eight-year-old. 227 00:10:08,770 --> 00:10:10,770 I really think this is gonna work. 228 00:10:10,919 --> 00:10:13,052 I can almost feel her loving me already. 229 00:10:13,270 --> 00:10:15,178 You're really quite pathetic, do you know that? 230 00:10:15,796 --> 00:10:17,762 I've never denied it. 231 00:10:23,024 --> 00:10:24,974 Excuse me. 232 00:10:25,550 --> 00:10:28,050 I'm paying you to protect me, not to sit here watching 233 00:10:28,075 --> 00:10:31,803 six tiny black-and-white movies at the same time. 234 00:10:33,759 --> 00:10:36,199 You figured out those are the security cameras I set up, yeah? 235 00:10:36,224 --> 00:10:37,935 Halfway through. 236 00:10:39,903 --> 00:10:42,349 What's going on there? Those squirrels fighting? 237 00:10:42,998 --> 00:10:44,915 Oh. Oh. 238 00:10:47,494 --> 00:10:49,607 Yeah, they've been going at it hot and heavy. 239 00:10:49,632 --> 00:10:50,848 Definitely not married. 240 00:10:54,502 --> 00:10:56,752 You know, you don't have to keep bringing your own food. 241 00:10:56,777 --> 00:10:58,239 You're welcome to anything in the fridge. 242 00:10:58,264 --> 00:11:01,617 Oh. Thanks, but years of police work tell me 243 00:11:01,642 --> 00:11:03,442 there's probably less than a thousand calories 244 00:11:03,467 --> 00:11:04,582 in this entire house. 245 00:11:05,622 --> 00:11:06,943 Oh, really? 246 00:11:12,256 --> 00:11:14,170 I got to ask you a question, Ms. Kendall. 247 00:11:14,239 --> 00:11:17,374 Oh, you've seen me without makeup; call me Jill. 248 00:11:17,752 --> 00:11:20,419 You've seen me without makeup; call me Andy. 249 00:11:20,444 --> 00:11:22,661 Great, Andy. Ask away. 250 00:11:23,615 --> 00:11:26,665 This is a huge house, and you're just one person. 251 00:11:26,690 --> 00:11:29,074 Don't you think you'd feel safer in a smaller place? 252 00:11:29,646 --> 00:11:30,849 Maybe. 253 00:11:32,289 --> 00:11:35,951 But I've just been here so long, I guess I'm kind of used to it. 254 00:11:37,375 --> 00:11:39,104 And my ex wanted it in the divorce, 255 00:11:39,129 --> 00:11:41,429 so I cried until the judge said I could have it. 256 00:11:41,454 --> 00:11:43,203 Mm. 257 00:11:43,350 --> 00:11:46,293 Yeah, my ex did the same thing with my Raiders tickets. 258 00:11:47,263 --> 00:11:49,301 And she doesn't even go. 259 00:11:50,871 --> 00:11:52,334 It's painful enough trying to watch a Raiders game. 260 00:11:52,359 --> 00:11:54,275 Now I got to turn it on and see 261 00:11:54,300 --> 00:11:55,988 those two empty seats in the end zone. 262 00:11:56,878 --> 00:11:59,963 Oh, that's nothing. 263 00:11:59,988 --> 00:12:02,205 Does your ex have a beautiful young wife 264 00:12:02,230 --> 00:12:04,146 and an okay-looking child? 265 00:12:04,902 --> 00:12:07,155 No. She's dating another bald cop 266 00:12:07,180 --> 00:12:09,691 who could stand to lose 20 pounds. 267 00:12:10,898 --> 00:12:12,426 What was wrong with me? 268 00:12:13,977 --> 00:12:16,167 I'm done being on Team Sad. 269 00:12:16,192 --> 00:12:18,859 I been through all four stages of grief... 270 00:12:19,024 --> 00:12:21,516 eating, crying, drinking, snorting. 271 00:12:21,835 --> 00:12:24,157 I been down that path. 272 00:12:25,175 --> 00:12:27,092 Got stuck on eating. 273 00:12:28,762 --> 00:12:30,311 Want a bite? 274 00:12:30,954 --> 00:12:32,266 Nah. 275 00:12:32,291 --> 00:12:35,075 I'm not eating bread, cheese or meat right now. 276 00:12:35,192 --> 00:12:36,859 - Watch your fingers. - Oh. 277 00:12:43,360 --> 00:12:45,076 Hey, what are you doing? 278 00:12:45,101 --> 00:12:47,568 I was watching... whatever that was. 279 00:12:48,048 --> 00:12:49,591 I want to watch the weather. 280 00:12:49,616 --> 00:12:51,082 We live in California. 281 00:12:51,118 --> 00:12:53,883 Here's your five-day forecast... Nice. 282 00:12:54,546 --> 00:12:57,516 Oh, wait. You want to watch Nora so you can tell her 283 00:12:57,541 --> 00:12:59,674 how much you love the way she points at things. 284 00:13:00,944 --> 00:13:02,477 Suck-up. 285 00:13:02,502 --> 00:13:04,302 Am not. 286 00:13:04,327 --> 00:13:07,055 Did I get a text saying how much she loved my chili? 287 00:13:07,080 --> 00:13:08,496 Yes, I did. 288 00:13:08,521 --> 00:13:10,154 She even asked how my day was going. 289 00:13:10,179 --> 00:13:12,096 Is that the sound of the ice queen cracking? 290 00:13:12,121 --> 00:13:13,788 I think so. 291 00:13:14,469 --> 00:13:16,524 Are you gonna ask questions and also answer them? 292 00:13:16,549 --> 00:13:17,881 Is that your new thing? 293 00:13:18,180 --> 00:13:20,493 Is it? I don't know. 294 00:13:21,148 --> 00:13:22,647 Shh, shh! My new bestie's on. 295 00:13:22,672 --> 00:13:23,805 Ah, thanks, Rob! 296 00:13:23,830 --> 00:13:25,780 And I agree, that is some tie. 297 00:13:27,296 --> 00:13:28,712 Well, looks like we might need 298 00:13:28,737 --> 00:13:30,119 to break out the sweaters, folks. 299 00:13:30,214 --> 00:13:31,914 Temperatures will be cooling down this week 300 00:13:32,038 --> 00:13:33,838 thanks to winds coming in from the west. 301 00:13:40,616 --> 00:13:43,860 Hey, you and your chili just got a shout-out. 302 00:13:46,329 --> 00:13:49,406 ? Winds coming in from the west ? 303 00:13:49,431 --> 00:13:51,631 ? Winds coming in from the west ? 304 00:13:51,656 --> 00:13:53,490 ? Winds coming in from the west... ? 305 00:13:53,695 --> 00:13:55,745 600,000 views! 306 00:13:55,770 --> 00:13:58,438 The minute I saw this, I said, "Let's make a YouTube video." 307 00:13:58,473 --> 00:14:01,808 And Christy's all, "No, we can't humiliate my sponsor." 308 00:14:01,833 --> 00:14:04,464 Once again, my daughter holds me back from greatness! 309 00:14:05,480 --> 00:14:06,863 I feel sorry for her. 310 00:14:07,009 --> 00:14:08,592 Okay, when did you let one rip? 311 00:14:08,617 --> 00:14:10,116 High school talent show. 312 00:14:10,152 --> 00:14:13,046 I was playing the flute, but not nearly loud enough. 313 00:14:14,322 --> 00:14:15,705 Move over, sex with Abe Lincoln. 314 00:14:15,790 --> 00:14:17,790 That is now number one on my time machine list. 315 00:14:17,826 --> 00:14:19,826 Man, poor Nora. 316 00:14:20,262 --> 00:14:21,562 Let's watch it again. 317 00:14:23,425 --> 00:14:26,977 Seriously, there's a 5% chance they're laughing at Wendy. 318 00:14:27,002 --> 00:14:29,219 We both know who they're laughing at. 319 00:14:29,436 --> 00:14:30,685 Here's your Tupperware. 320 00:14:30,710 --> 00:14:31,742 I'm so sorry. 321 00:14:31,767 --> 00:14:33,150 Well, don't be. 322 00:14:33,175 --> 00:14:35,725 Am I feeling a little embarrassed? Absolutely. 323 00:14:36,032 --> 00:14:38,989 I'm human and I frickin' farted on TV. 324 00:14:39,415 --> 00:14:41,898 - And do you want to talk about that? - Not with you. 325 00:14:41,983 --> 00:14:43,983 I'll bring it to my sponsor, who, by the way, 326 00:14:44,008 --> 00:14:46,091 I'm also not buddies with. 327 00:14:46,478 --> 00:14:48,444 Thank you for the coffee. I got to go. 328 00:14:48,469 --> 00:14:50,444 Right. Well, maybe we should... 329 00:14:50,469 --> 00:14:52,636 Okay. All right. Bye! 330 00:14:52,661 --> 00:14:54,743 Marjorie, give me my phone back. 331 00:14:55,947 --> 00:14:58,331 How did you get from farts to cat videos? 332 00:15:00,039 --> 00:15:01,234 How's Nora? 333 00:15:01,259 --> 00:15:03,710 Our friendship is dead, and here's the murder weapon. 334 00:15:03,796 --> 00:15:05,679 I just don't get what the big deal is. 335 00:15:05,704 --> 00:15:08,405 We all do it. We burp, we fart, we pee when we laugh, 336 00:15:08,430 --> 00:15:10,625 which only makes us laugh more, which makes us pee more. 337 00:15:10,650 --> 00:15:12,350 Circle of life. 338 00:15:12,375 --> 00:15:14,675 Ooh, motion sensor alert. 339 00:15:14,880 --> 00:15:18,214 Aw, look. Andy's bringing in my mail. 340 00:15:18,250 --> 00:15:20,300 How long you gonna keep him around? 341 00:15:20,385 --> 00:15:22,802 I don't know. He makes me feel safe. 342 00:15:22,888 --> 00:15:24,637 And he's a lot of fun. 343 00:15:24,662 --> 00:15:26,328 We stayed up all night just gabbing. 344 00:15:26,425 --> 00:15:28,508 He told me stories about being a Marine. 345 00:15:28,593 --> 00:15:30,593 He really knows how to take care of business. 346 00:15:30,618 --> 00:15:33,204 Yeah? Did he take care of your business? 347 00:15:33,432 --> 00:15:34,931 While you were gabbing all night? 348 00:15:34,956 --> 00:15:36,206 Uh-huh. 349 00:15:36,231 --> 00:15:37,868 Girl! 350 00:15:38,748 --> 00:15:41,882 He's a great guy, but you met him; he's not my type. 351 00:15:41,907 --> 00:15:43,940 I don't know. He brought in your mail. 352 00:15:44,025 --> 00:15:45,358 Yeah, he did. 353 00:15:45,383 --> 00:15:47,349 Girl! 354 00:15:47,507 --> 00:15:49,423 Wendy, it's not working. 355 00:15:49,448 --> 00:15:50,626 I know. 356 00:15:52,512 --> 00:15:55,095 Okay, here are the keys to your new locks. 357 00:15:55,120 --> 00:15:57,003 Motion detectors are up, cameras are working, 358 00:15:57,028 --> 00:15:58,456 and I think the squirrels got married. 359 00:15:59,477 --> 00:16:00,494 How can you tell? 360 00:16:00,519 --> 00:16:03,019 They're just eating in silence next to each other. 361 00:16:05,130 --> 00:16:08,014 You sure you can't stay one more night? 362 00:16:08,159 --> 00:16:11,361 At this point, I'd just be taking your money. You're safe. 363 00:16:11,386 --> 00:16:12,936 I don't know how to thank you. 364 00:16:12,971 --> 00:16:14,270 Promise me one thing. 365 00:16:14,306 --> 00:16:16,940 I know, I know. I got to use that big fancy grill. 366 00:16:16,975 --> 00:16:19,976 I was gonna say please be sure to set your alarm, but, yeah, 367 00:16:20,121 --> 00:16:22,038 I will sleep better at night knowing you finally 368 00:16:22,063 --> 00:16:24,368 tossed a rib eye on that magnificent bastard. 369 00:16:27,328 --> 00:16:29,118 - Bye. - Bye. 370 00:16:30,715 --> 00:16:33,433 Girl! 371 00:16:33,907 --> 00:16:35,602 Oh, stop. 372 00:16:35,627 --> 00:16:37,210 Let's just start watching the movie. 373 00:16:37,356 --> 00:16:38,939 - I think we just watched one. - Mm-hmm. 374 00:16:38,964 --> 00:16:40,296 A little romantic comedy 375 00:16:40,332 --> 00:16:42,215 about the lonely rich girl and her bodyguard. 376 00:16:44,002 --> 00:16:47,923 ? And I-ee-I... ? 377 00:16:47,948 --> 00:16:51,844 ? Will always love you-ooh-ooh... ? 378 00:16:52,677 --> 00:16:54,394 All right, knock it off. 379 00:16:55,981 --> 00:16:57,730 I told you, he's not my type. 380 00:16:57,816 --> 00:16:59,933 You're right. You only date super handsome, 381 00:16:59,958 --> 00:17:01,791 emotionally unavailable jerks. 382 00:17:01,816 --> 00:17:05,451 Mmm. Just hearing that turns me on. 383 00:17:05,718 --> 00:17:07,861 Maybe it's time for a change. 384 00:17:07,886 --> 00:17:09,252 No one's gonna judge you. 385 00:17:09,277 --> 00:17:10,837 And if they do, who cares? You're happy. 386 00:17:10,862 --> 00:17:12,195 Yeah. Hey, I had a type, too, 387 00:17:12,280 --> 00:17:13,863 and it wasn't a guy in a wheelchair. 388 00:17:13,915 --> 00:17:15,940 - Yeah, but Adam's hot. - So hot. 389 00:17:15,965 --> 00:17:18,265 And taken. Taken. 390 00:17:18,370 --> 00:17:19,837 We'll see. 391 00:17:24,960 --> 00:17:28,294 The point is that cop made you smile 392 00:17:28,319 --> 00:17:30,736 like I haven't seen in a long time. 393 00:17:30,943 --> 00:17:32,359 You guys are really underestimating 394 00:17:32,384 --> 00:17:34,133 how shallow I am. 395 00:17:40,133 --> 00:17:41,441 Knockity-knock. 396 00:17:41,466 --> 00:17:43,333 Hey. What are you doing here? 397 00:17:43,358 --> 00:17:47,376 I just came by to bring you this tiny cactus for luck. 398 00:17:48,733 --> 00:17:53,712 I know it's your first day back since the... incident. 399 00:17:54,212 --> 00:17:56,132 "Incident." I like that. 400 00:17:56,157 --> 00:17:59,993 Around here, they just call it "that time I farted on TV." 401 00:18:00,412 --> 00:18:02,851 I hope you're not mad at me over all of this. 402 00:18:02,876 --> 00:18:05,725 Okay, we got to nip this in the bud. 403 00:18:05,860 --> 00:18:07,477 Remember when I first started sponsoring you 404 00:18:07,516 --> 00:18:09,586 and I asked you to do a fear inventory? 405 00:18:09,731 --> 00:18:11,481 Yeah. Maybe it's time for you to do 406 00:18:11,506 --> 00:18:13,534 another one, because I don't remember you writing down, 407 00:18:13,558 --> 00:18:15,558 "I'm terrified that people won't like me." 408 00:18:15,790 --> 00:18:17,904 - I didn't write that down. - Why not? 409 00:18:17,929 --> 00:18:20,480 I was afraid it would make you not like me. 410 00:18:21,110 --> 00:18:22,742 Do you see what you're doing here? 411 00:18:22,767 --> 00:18:24,601 Yeah, yeah. 412 00:18:26,021 --> 00:18:27,813 No. 413 00:18:28,805 --> 00:18:31,574 If you always seek the validation of other people, 414 00:18:31,599 --> 00:18:33,181 you will never be content, 415 00:18:33,338 --> 00:18:35,388 because you're making them your higher power. 416 00:18:35,474 --> 00:18:37,057 You're doing it with me. 417 00:18:37,082 --> 00:18:40,283 And at the end of the day, I'm just another drunk. 418 00:18:40,429 --> 00:18:43,094 Oh. One who is 60 seconds away from doing the weather. 419 00:18:43,119 --> 00:18:44,119 Walk with me. 420 00:18:44,407 --> 00:18:46,614 Ooh, we're gonna do the weather? 421 00:18:46,639 --> 00:18:48,055 Mm-hmm. 422 00:18:49,609 --> 00:18:51,909 - Nora, I just want to... - Watch the cables. 423 00:18:53,298 --> 00:18:56,571 Oh, my God, that's Sports with Kane Stevens! 424 00:18:57,862 --> 00:18:59,746 And you don't need him to like you either. 425 00:18:59,771 --> 00:19:01,020 Yes, I do. No, you don't. 426 00:19:01,045 --> 00:19:03,556 Look, I didn't have a lot going for me growing up, 427 00:19:03,581 --> 00:19:05,919 but winning people over was one of my strong suits. 428 00:19:06,005 --> 00:19:09,623 And I'm sure it served you, but you don't need it anymore. 429 00:19:09,648 --> 00:19:11,948 Let me ask you something. Do you like yourself? 430 00:19:12,043 --> 00:19:14,594 'Cause that's the only person you should be concerned about. 431 00:19:14,680 --> 00:19:15,929 Now, off my set. 432 00:19:15,954 --> 00:19:21,240 All right. In five, four, three, two... 433 00:19:21,265 --> 00:19:22,969 Look who's back. 434 00:19:23,235 --> 00:19:25,605 All right, before I get to the five-day, 435 00:19:25,630 --> 00:19:28,414 let me acknowledge something that got away from me last week. 436 00:19:28,439 --> 00:19:30,355 Laugh it up, Rob. 437 00:19:30,380 --> 00:19:33,087 We all know you're not wearing pants behind that desk. 438 00:19:34,172 --> 00:19:36,389 Point is, we're all human. 439 00:19:36,534 --> 00:19:39,402 We have our sunny days and rainy days. 440 00:19:39,488 --> 00:19:41,955 It's how you dust yourself off 441 00:19:41,980 --> 00:19:44,321 to get to the next day that matters. 442 00:19:44,827 --> 00:19:45,959 So, looking ahead at... 443 00:19:45,984 --> 00:19:48,587 Oh, my God, she winked at me. 444 00:19:48,853 --> 00:19:52,477 Which is not a big deal... beginning now. 445 00:20:22,243 --> 00:20:24,906 Andy! I was sleeping, and the alarm started going off. 446 00:20:24,931 --> 00:20:27,015 I think somebody's breaking in. 447 00:20:27,040 --> 00:20:28,149 You will? 448 00:20:28,174 --> 00:20:31,125 You're the best. See you soon. 449 00:20:42,759 --> 00:20:44,569 Girl. 450 00:20:44,594 --> 00:20:49,594 Subtitle sync and corrections by ChrisKe for www.addic7ed.com.