1 00:01:07,670 --> 00:01:10,699 Matt, looking dapper today. 2 00:01:10,700 --> 00:01:13,420 Kate, you okay? You look tired. 3 00:01:27,700 --> 00:01:32,700 - Synced & corrected by MementMori - -- www.addic7ed.com -- 4 00:01:33,580 --> 00:01:37,679 Americans are obese, drunk, 5 00:01:37,680 --> 00:01:40,040 and addicted to pills. 6 00:01:40,130 --> 00:01:41,780 Everyone is hooked on something. 7 00:01:42,330 --> 00:01:44,730 Addiction in this country is an epidemic. 8 00:01:44,740 --> 00:01:49,080 And it is fantastic for business. 9 00:01:49,680 --> 00:01:52,060 90 percent of shopping is done by shopaholics. 10 00:01:52,080 --> 00:01:54,879 90 percent of chocolate is consumed by chocoholics. 11 00:01:54,880 --> 00:01:56,750 90 percent of alcohol is consumed 12 00:01:56,780 --> 00:01:58,880 by people addicted to alcohol. 13 00:01:58,940 --> 00:02:00,720 That's why I'm announcing an open call 14 00:02:00,740 --> 00:02:03,889 for pitches on new addictions. 15 00:02:03,890 --> 00:02:06,550 So, let's put on our thinking caps. 16 00:02:06,560 --> 00:02:09,420 All right, let's open the room to addiction. 17 00:02:09,430 --> 00:02:11,290 Matt, that's gross. 18 00:02:11,300 --> 00:02:13,599 There's no reason to have a visible pimple as an adult. 19 00:02:13,600 --> 00:02:15,580 Use some concealer for Christ's sake. 20 00:02:15,630 --> 00:02:16,660 I don't wear makeup. 21 00:02:16,670 --> 00:02:18,169 Well, then you're an idiot. 22 00:02:18,170 --> 00:02:20,269 - Wait, do you wear makeup? - Of course. 23 00:02:20,270 --> 00:02:22,039 Hot people do better at business. 24 00:02:22,040 --> 00:02:23,169 I've never noticed. 25 00:02:23,170 --> 00:02:24,569 That's because I'm a master of the craft 26 00:02:24,570 --> 00:02:26,260 and you're blinded by my beauty. 27 00:02:26,280 --> 00:02:28,199 You look good. I've always thought that. 28 00:02:28,200 --> 00:02:29,280 Painkillers can be good. 29 00:02:29,300 --> 00:02:31,379 Do you have any specific painkillers that you prefer? 30 00:02:31,380 --> 00:02:32,480 Have you used Fentanyl? 31 00:02:32,500 --> 00:02:34,140 I don't know what the names are. 32 00:02:34,160 --> 00:02:35,799 I just... I know the colors. 33 00:02:35,800 --> 00:02:37,120 Do you think you could be convinced 34 00:02:37,140 --> 00:02:38,149 to start wearing makeup? 35 00:02:38,150 --> 00:02:39,719 No way. 36 00:02:39,720 --> 00:02:41,419 Because you're insecure about your masculinity. 37 00:02:41,420 --> 00:02:43,359 I'm not insecure about my masculinity. 38 00:02:43,360 --> 00:02:46,159 I just don't think anybody should wear makeup personally. 39 00:02:46,160 --> 00:02:47,280 Not even women. 40 00:02:47,300 --> 00:02:48,799 If women liked the way they look, 41 00:02:48,800 --> 00:02:51,140 the entire American economy would collapse. 42 00:02:51,180 --> 00:02:53,019 The fact that Hampton DeVille isn't capitalizing 43 00:02:53,020 --> 00:02:55,060 on men's shame is a huge mistake. 44 00:02:55,100 --> 00:02:58,369 Kate and I will be pre-screening the pitches on Wednesday 45 00:02:58,370 --> 00:02:59,809 in the Oasis conference room... 46 00:02:59,810 --> 00:03:01,939 The Oasis is too small. Let's do the Driskoll. 47 00:03:01,940 --> 00:03:05,160 But I already booked the Oasis room. 48 00:03:05,420 --> 00:03:08,519 Who cares? It takes one e-mail to change the reservation. 49 00:03:08,520 --> 00:03:12,219 We'll see everyone Wednesday in the Driskoll. 50 00:03:12,220 --> 00:03:14,899 Oh, damn it, I'm late for my ZenCycle class. 51 00:03:14,900 --> 00:03:15,989 If I'm not screamed at 52 00:03:15,990 --> 00:03:17,800 by a tiny woman at least once a day, 53 00:03:17,820 --> 00:03:19,289 I simply cannot function. 54 00:03:20,600 --> 00:03:23,729 Kate, I understand you're tired today, 55 00:03:23,730 --> 00:03:27,030 but you should really watch your tone. 56 00:03:28,400 --> 00:03:29,539 My tone? 57 00:03:29,540 --> 00:03:31,060 You have a sharp, cutting tone 58 00:03:31,100 --> 00:03:33,570 that marginalizes and diminishes people. 59 00:03:33,580 --> 00:03:35,639 Is this about the Oasis room? 60 00:03:35,640 --> 00:03:36,979 Don't be so sensitive. 61 00:03:36,980 --> 00:03:39,510 Ooh, do you hear your tone right now? 62 00:03:39,600 --> 00:03:40,710 You might not. 63 00:03:40,720 --> 00:03:43,100 It's combative. It's aggressive. 64 00:03:43,140 --> 00:03:44,879 And honestly, if I didn't know you, 65 00:03:44,880 --> 00:03:48,050 I'd feel physically unsafe right now. 66 00:03:48,060 --> 00:03:50,240 Whereas my tone is calm 67 00:03:50,300 --> 00:03:52,380 because I'm in control of my emotions, 68 00:03:52,460 --> 00:03:57,940 and I will never, ever let them loose. 69 00:03:57,960 --> 00:04:00,269 You have a vein popping out of your forehead. 70 00:04:00,270 --> 00:04:02,740 I'm telling you all this for your benefit, Kate. 71 00:04:10,180 --> 00:04:12,179 - What? - Nothing. 72 00:04:12,180 --> 00:04:16,060 It's just, um, you don't wear makeup, do you? 73 00:04:16,120 --> 00:04:18,450 Every evening, I destroy my face, 74 00:04:18,500 --> 00:04:21,299 and every morning, I rebuilt it anew. 75 00:04:21,300 --> 00:04:24,169 Really? I always thought you were a natural beauty. 76 00:04:24,170 --> 00:04:26,539 Doesn't matter what Mother Nature gives you... 77 00:04:26,540 --> 00:04:28,379 all women are taught at a young age 78 00:04:28,380 --> 00:04:30,060 to hate the way they look. 79 00:04:30,100 --> 00:04:33,020 Paige, you don't wear makeup, do you? 80 00:04:33,040 --> 00:04:35,579 Why don't you ask the 200,000 makeup addicts 81 00:04:35,580 --> 00:04:36,819 who watch my makeup tutorials? 82 00:04:36,820 --> 00:04:40,340 Only men can get away with looking like shit every day. 83 00:04:40,400 --> 00:04:41,780 You think I look like shit? 84 00:04:42,560 --> 00:04:44,940 You have... flaws. 85 00:04:45,030 --> 00:04:46,590 What are they? 86 00:04:49,030 --> 00:04:51,520 Matt, you have to understand, 87 00:04:51,560 --> 00:04:54,700 if we tell you, there's no going back. 88 00:04:55,470 --> 00:04:59,039 Pick the azure eyeliner, and the conversation ends here. 89 00:04:59,040 --> 00:05:02,340 You wake up in your bed and believe you're beautiful. 90 00:05:02,360 --> 00:05:05,480 Pick this scarlet lip liner, and we'll show you 91 00:05:05,500 --> 00:05:08,479 how deep the rabbit hole of insecurity goes. 92 00:05:17,760 --> 00:05:19,359 - Your pores are visible... - Your skin is both... 93 00:05:19,360 --> 00:05:20,499 - ... from four feet away. - ... oily and flaky. 94 00:05:20,500 --> 00:05:22,120 I don't understand how that's possible. 95 00:05:22,140 --> 00:05:23,660 You remind me of the Green Giant from the green bean can. 96 00:05:23,670 --> 00:05:24,939 - Your face has a dull... - The bags underneath your eyes... 97 00:05:24,940 --> 00:05:26,779 - ... dingy yellow undertone to it... - ... are like deflated basketballs... 98 00:05:26,780 --> 00:05:29,100 The beard's not... like, inbred or something. 99 00:05:29,110 --> 00:05:30,939 Men are ugly. 100 00:05:30,940 --> 00:05:32,620 They just don't know it yet. 101 00:05:32,710 --> 00:05:35,100 You, sir, did you know that you're ugly? 102 00:05:35,200 --> 00:05:36,579 Well, it's true. 103 00:05:36,580 --> 00:05:39,579 But I've got a cure for your ugly face... 104 00:05:39,580 --> 00:05:41,149 male makeup. 105 00:05:41,150 --> 00:05:44,000 Jake, will you help me? 106 00:05:45,020 --> 00:05:46,919 I need help. 107 00:05:46,920 --> 00:05:48,859 I knew this day would come. 108 00:05:48,860 --> 00:05:50,760 Come here, boy. 109 00:05:51,930 --> 00:05:54,780 You look so bad, bro. I'll fix you up good. 110 00:05:57,270 --> 00:06:00,180 I want to tell you a story about my grandfather. 111 00:06:00,300 --> 00:06:03,500 My grandfather was never a beautiful man. 112 00:06:03,580 --> 00:06:05,539 He always struggled with his looks. 113 00:06:05,540 --> 00:06:08,540 But then, one day, I saw him at his most handsome... 114 00:06:09,180 --> 00:06:12,220 in a casket, covered in makeup. 115 00:06:12,910 --> 00:06:16,849 The beauty industry pulls in $430 billion 116 00:06:16,850 --> 00:06:19,180 in sales every single year. 117 00:06:19,200 --> 00:06:20,800 Who are these sales to? 118 00:06:21,120 --> 00:06:22,620 Women. 119 00:06:22,760 --> 00:06:26,529 By my estimation, women are only half the human population. 120 00:06:26,530 --> 00:06:28,280 The other half? 121 00:06:28,530 --> 00:06:30,919 Men. Guys. 122 00:06:30,920 --> 00:06:33,200 Fellas. Daddy-Os. 123 00:06:33,370 --> 00:06:34,760 Let's take a look at Matt. 124 00:06:36,400 --> 00:06:39,140 Matt used to think he was a natural beauty. 125 00:06:39,240 --> 00:06:42,079 Until this past week, no one had ever thought 126 00:06:42,080 --> 00:06:45,340 to tell him that he is, in fact, an uggo. 127 00:06:45,810 --> 00:06:48,349 However, with the power of makeup, 128 00:06:48,350 --> 00:06:51,060 I have managed to transform this pauper... 129 00:06:51,520 --> 00:06:52,849 into a prince. 130 00:06:56,090 --> 00:06:59,320 Makeup has given him a newfound confidence. 131 00:06:59,330 --> 00:07:02,239 We have forgiven his many intellectual 132 00:07:02,240 --> 00:07:03,390 and personal failings 133 00:07:03,400 --> 00:07:06,860 because, quite simply, he looks stunning. 134 00:07:07,300 --> 00:07:10,269 I believe that with a little convincing, 135 00:07:10,270 --> 00:07:13,060 we could not only get men to start wearing makeup, 136 00:07:13,160 --> 00:07:16,370 we could get them addicted 137 00:07:16,380 --> 00:07:21,920 and change the face of the beauty industry forever. 138 00:07:23,150 --> 00:07:25,660 - Great stuff. - Hot dog! 139 00:07:31,260 --> 00:07:33,150 I think we're all in agreement here 140 00:07:33,160 --> 00:07:34,560 that the stand-out pitch 141 00:07:34,580 --> 00:07:36,220 was Jake's Male Makeup idea, 142 00:07:36,260 --> 00:07:37,840 the first good idea he's had 143 00:07:37,880 --> 00:07:39,679 - maybe ever? - Right. 144 00:07:39,680 --> 00:07:41,210 I think we should all work together 145 00:07:41,220 --> 00:07:43,380 - to develop this idea. - Well, I think Christian will want 146 00:07:43,400 --> 00:07:45,380 more than one idea to choose from, 147 00:07:45,400 --> 00:07:47,519 so how 'bout I lead the male makeup team... 148 00:07:47,520 --> 00:07:49,490 after all, I am a male... 149 00:07:49,560 --> 00:07:53,160 and you can take your pick of the other great ideas? 150 00:07:53,480 --> 00:07:56,160 But seeing as I'm the only one here 151 00:07:56,220 --> 00:07:59,300 who actually wears makeup every single day... 152 00:07:59,320 --> 00:08:01,999 You wear makeup? Huh. 153 00:08:02,000 --> 00:08:04,220 I always thought you were a natural beauty. 154 00:08:04,280 --> 00:08:05,780 Guess not. 155 00:08:05,910 --> 00:08:08,309 My point is, I think I'm more equipped 156 00:08:08,310 --> 00:08:10,070 to lead the male makeup team. 157 00:08:10,080 --> 00:08:11,740 - You think I don't know about makeup? - Mnh-mnh. 158 00:08:11,780 --> 00:08:13,560 I bet I know just as much as you do. 159 00:08:13,620 --> 00:08:16,179 - Let's find out. - Let's. 160 00:08:16,180 --> 00:08:21,119 How much does this lipstick cost? 161 00:08:21,120 --> 00:08:23,170 Okay. What do we got here? 162 00:08:23,180 --> 00:08:26,800 This looks small, so really cheap plastic. 163 00:08:26,860 --> 00:08:28,089 Smells domestic 164 00:08:28,090 --> 00:08:30,340 as opposed to European imported. 165 00:08:30,360 --> 00:08:33,769 So, I want to say, 89 cents. 166 00:08:33,770 --> 00:08:36,840 No! 79 cents. 167 00:08:37,240 --> 00:08:38,560 $60! 168 00:08:38,710 --> 00:08:40,980 - What? - Jesus Christ! 169 00:08:41,170 --> 00:08:45,709 You clearly know nothing about makeup. 170 00:08:45,710 --> 00:08:47,649 Kate, I didn't want to have to call this out 171 00:08:47,650 --> 00:08:49,680 in front of everyone, but... 172 00:08:50,150 --> 00:08:52,140 there's that tone again! 173 00:08:52,180 --> 00:08:53,280 There's nothing 174 00:08:53,360 --> 00:08:55,789 - wrong with my tone. - Let's find out. 175 00:08:55,790 --> 00:08:59,160 Who here has ever felt silenced or diminished 176 00:08:59,240 --> 00:09:01,830 by Kate's harsh, knifey tone? 177 00:09:03,660 --> 00:09:06,160 Oh. Every last one. 178 00:09:08,770 --> 00:09:09,900 Fine. 179 00:09:10,200 --> 00:09:12,469 - You take the male makeup team... - Okay. 180 00:09:12,470 --> 00:09:16,850 ... and I'll take... nicotine toothpaste. 181 00:09:16,880 --> 00:09:17,889 Good one. Great. 182 00:09:17,890 --> 00:09:20,080 So, who wants to be on the male makeup team? 183 00:09:20,200 --> 00:09:22,810 Oh. All of 'em again. 184 00:09:23,850 --> 00:09:27,280 Grace, I'd like to file a complaint against John. 185 00:09:27,290 --> 00:09:29,880 He just filed a complaint against you. 186 00:09:29,940 --> 00:09:32,580 Really? About what? 187 00:09:32,690 --> 00:09:34,060 Your aggressive tone. 188 00:09:34,080 --> 00:09:35,729 That little bitch. 189 00:09:35,730 --> 00:09:37,090 Don't take it personally. 190 00:09:37,100 --> 00:09:39,459 Men have been complaining about women's tones 191 00:09:39,460 --> 00:09:43,930 ever since women started working at Hampton DeVille in 1993. 192 00:09:43,940 --> 00:09:47,040 Have other men complained about my tone? 193 00:09:47,140 --> 00:09:48,680 A few... 194 00:09:49,160 --> 00:09:50,700 dozen... 195 00:09:50,800 --> 00:09:52,480 hundred. 196 00:09:52,520 --> 00:09:54,880 A few dozen hundred? 197 00:09:54,920 --> 00:09:56,559 Let me see what they said. 198 00:09:56,560 --> 00:09:59,860 Kate, if I let you read what your male co-workers 199 00:09:59,880 --> 00:10:03,500 have said about you, there is no going back. 200 00:10:05,220 --> 00:10:07,959 If you pick the blue pen, you'll wake up... 201 00:10:07,960 --> 00:10:10,700 Just show it to me! 202 00:10:10,740 --> 00:10:12,850 - Her tone was too harsh... - Feel emasculated... 203 00:10:12,860 --> 00:10:14,810 - It was the way she said it... - She's taller than me... 204 00:10:14,820 --> 00:10:15,829 - Cuts like a dagger... - Knifey... 205 00:10:15,830 --> 00:10:16,960 - Like a sword... - Piercing... 206 00:10:16,970 --> 00:10:18,699 - Like a knife-hatchet... - Knife-blade... 207 00:10:18,700 --> 00:10:20,099 Thank you. 208 00:10:20,100 --> 00:10:22,700 It's always so cold in this building. 209 00:10:22,710 --> 00:10:26,439 The temperature in offices is set to accommodate men in suits 210 00:10:26,440 --> 00:10:28,880 who get to keep the hair on their bodies. 211 00:10:29,010 --> 00:10:32,549 But luckily, I have developed ways of adapting. 212 00:10:32,550 --> 00:10:35,319 It is always shocking to be reminded 213 00:10:35,320 --> 00:10:38,419 how pathetically sensitive the men in this office are. 214 00:10:38,420 --> 00:10:41,440 That's why I've compiled a list of the best tones 215 00:10:41,450 --> 00:10:43,759 to use for men in the office. 216 00:10:43,760 --> 00:10:46,059 I could teach you, and, in exchange, 217 00:10:46,060 --> 00:10:48,629 maybe you could pull some strings with the guy 218 00:10:48,630 --> 00:10:50,599 who controls the AC around here. 219 00:10:50,600 --> 00:10:52,180 Deal. 220 00:10:52,220 --> 00:10:55,239 The most popular tone among men in the office 221 00:10:55,240 --> 00:10:59,370 is one I like to call "Horny Toddler." 222 00:11:07,440 --> 00:11:10,219 We are going to manipulate male insecurity 223 00:11:10,220 --> 00:11:11,790 through a propaganda campaign. 224 00:11:11,800 --> 00:11:14,380 We'll target entertainment for boys as young as possible 225 00:11:14,460 --> 00:11:15,759 so they'll be hooked for life. 226 00:11:15,760 --> 00:11:18,280 If little boys don't feel like unlovable garbage, 227 00:11:18,300 --> 00:11:20,390 we haven't done our jobs! 228 00:11:20,400 --> 00:11:21,929 Try Shy Ghost. 229 00:11:21,930 --> 00:11:24,240 I hope it's not totally weird 230 00:11:24,260 --> 00:11:25,270 that I'm saying this, 231 00:11:25,280 --> 00:11:27,299 but you look really good today. 232 00:11:27,300 --> 00:11:31,020 Remember, tone isn't just about the pitch of your voice. 233 00:11:31,080 --> 00:11:34,239 Make sure to start and end every sentence with an apology. 234 00:11:34,240 --> 00:11:36,379 - I'm sorry. - Perfect. 235 00:11:36,380 --> 00:11:38,140 Hi, guys. It's Paige. 236 00:11:38,150 --> 00:11:41,110 And there are two types of people in this world... 237 00:11:41,120 --> 00:11:42,879 those who know how to contour, 238 00:11:42,880 --> 00:11:45,740 and those who are abandoned by everyone that they love. 239 00:11:45,780 --> 00:11:48,150 We want to create a culture of shame. 240 00:11:48,160 --> 00:11:50,940 So, what are some things you feel ashamed of? 241 00:11:50,960 --> 00:11:53,960 - Redness. A lot of redness. - My son. 242 00:11:53,980 --> 00:11:56,360 Let's stick to physical attributes for now. 243 00:11:56,400 --> 00:11:58,760 All right, my son's weak arms. 244 00:11:59,770 --> 00:12:01,080 Okay. 245 00:12:02,870 --> 00:12:04,740 Hey, Matt, I'm sorry, 246 00:12:04,760 --> 00:12:07,939 but you look, like, so super good today. 247 00:12:07,940 --> 00:12:09,209 I'm sorry. 248 00:12:09,210 --> 00:12:11,610 Thanks, Kate. I really appreciate that. 249 00:12:11,840 --> 00:12:14,380 And I'm sorry, but would you be willing 250 00:12:14,400 --> 00:12:16,520 to maybe work late tonight? 251 00:12:16,560 --> 00:12:18,180 Yeah, of course. I'd love to help out. 252 00:12:18,190 --> 00:12:20,549 You look like you could use the break anyway. 253 00:12:20,550 --> 00:12:22,820 We need to normalize makeup for men 254 00:12:22,860 --> 00:12:25,090 by associating it with things men already like. 255 00:12:25,240 --> 00:12:27,089 So, what do men like? 256 00:12:27,090 --> 00:12:28,459 - World War II? - Yep. 257 00:12:28,460 --> 00:12:29,960 - Sex. - Yeah. 258 00:12:30,020 --> 00:12:32,499 - Football. - Exotic jungle birds. 259 00:12:32,500 --> 00:12:34,199 Okay, what else? 260 00:12:34,200 --> 00:12:36,499 Keeping secrets from my fucking wife! 261 00:12:36,500 --> 00:12:39,700 Jake, it's "exotic jungle" birds. 262 00:12:42,240 --> 00:12:45,200 Hey, Matt, nice contouring. 263 00:12:45,240 --> 00:12:46,560 Thanks, Jessica. 264 00:12:46,620 --> 00:12:48,749 Have you thought about doing something with your lashes? 265 00:12:48,750 --> 00:12:51,140 - Yeah. - Be really cute. 266 00:12:59,090 --> 00:13:00,300 Dying ballerina! 267 00:13:00,490 --> 00:13:03,390 Sorry, I'm like, so totally sorry. 268 00:13:03,400 --> 00:13:04,860 Anthropomorphized sparrow! 269 00:13:04,870 --> 00:13:05,920 I'm sure you have, like, 270 00:13:05,930 --> 00:13:07,560 a million different things to do than talk to me today, 271 00:13:07,600 --> 00:13:09,499 but a lot of women in the office 272 00:13:09,500 --> 00:13:11,720 have been talking about how it's, like, too cold. 273 00:13:11,780 --> 00:13:14,310 So, I was wondering if you could do me, like, 274 00:13:14,340 --> 00:13:18,370 a tiny, huge favor and maybe make it a little bit warmer. 275 00:13:18,380 --> 00:13:19,609 Sorry. 276 00:13:25,280 --> 00:13:27,000 Whether it's mid-game, 277 00:13:27,020 --> 00:13:29,640 mid-east, or mid-ages... 278 00:13:31,260 --> 00:13:34,040 ... you need to bring your armor. 279 00:13:34,160 --> 00:13:37,999 Whatever your battlefield, we've got your back... 280 00:13:38,000 --> 00:13:40,200 and your front. 281 00:13:40,240 --> 00:13:43,520 R-More... wear it proud. 282 00:13:45,370 --> 00:13:47,469 We want to get your honest feedback. 283 00:13:47,470 --> 00:13:49,840 Would you try R-More? 284 00:13:51,410 --> 00:13:52,779 Well, I... 285 00:13:52,780 --> 00:13:56,310 I have always hated these dark circles under my eyes. 286 00:13:56,320 --> 00:13:57,740 Could R-More help me with that? 287 00:13:57,760 --> 00:13:59,280 - Definitely. - Absolutely. 288 00:13:59,290 --> 00:14:01,019 I've been trying to get a promotion at work. 289 00:14:01,020 --> 00:14:03,160 Maybe this could give me a leg up. 290 00:14:03,180 --> 00:14:04,389 Maybe so. And good luck. 291 00:14:04,390 --> 00:14:05,720 I use Chap Stick, 292 00:14:05,760 --> 00:14:07,859 so sort of like the same thing. 293 00:14:07,860 --> 00:14:09,429 So, Chap Stick. 294 00:14:09,430 --> 00:14:12,360 But isn't makeup for girls? 295 00:14:14,540 --> 00:14:16,600 Yeah, but that's only because society 296 00:14:16,620 --> 00:14:18,499 has programmed us to think that. 297 00:14:18,500 --> 00:14:19,980 But if I wear makeup, 298 00:14:20,060 --> 00:14:21,920 people will think I'm, like, a girl. 299 00:14:22,000 --> 00:14:23,060 Excellent point. 300 00:14:23,080 --> 00:14:24,900 We should have thought about that. 301 00:14:24,920 --> 00:14:26,409 I'm a boy. 302 00:14:26,410 --> 00:14:28,440 On second thought, maybe I wouldn't try it. 303 00:14:28,500 --> 00:14:29,980 Yeah, actually, I think women like 304 00:14:30,040 --> 00:14:31,819 these dark circles under my eyes, so... 305 00:14:31,820 --> 00:14:33,780 I'm gonna stop using Chap Stick. 306 00:14:33,790 --> 00:14:35,320 - Mm-hmm. - Me, too. I hate Chap Stick. 307 00:14:35,330 --> 00:14:37,319 Well, that was a disaster! 308 00:14:37,320 --> 00:14:39,420 There's only one man who should wear makeup, 309 00:14:39,460 --> 00:14:41,520 and that is Christopher, the sweet Goth teen 310 00:14:41,530 --> 00:14:43,359 who gives me pretzel samples at the mall! 311 00:14:43,360 --> 00:14:45,359 Those guys wanted to wear makeup until you let 312 00:14:45,360 --> 00:14:47,999 the whole conversation be swayed by one insecure guy! 313 00:14:48,000 --> 00:14:50,469 Jake, watch your tone! 314 00:14:54,010 --> 00:14:55,409 Hey, John! 315 00:14:55,410 --> 00:14:56,969 You look, like, super good today. 316 00:14:56,970 --> 00:15:00,379 Thanks, Kate. Oh. You know what, Kate? 317 00:15:00,380 --> 00:15:03,860 Um, I owe you an apology. 318 00:15:03,960 --> 00:15:06,000 Yeah, you were right. 319 00:15:06,040 --> 00:15:08,260 You know more about makeup than me. 320 00:15:08,340 --> 00:15:10,619 And to make it up to you, 321 00:15:10,620 --> 00:15:14,220 how would you like to take over the male makeup project? 322 00:15:14,400 --> 00:15:17,089 Oh, my God! 323 00:15:17,090 --> 00:15:18,990 John, you're, like, the best. 324 00:15:19,000 --> 00:15:20,199 I know it. I know. 325 00:15:20,200 --> 00:15:22,400 - I'm sorry. - No, it's okay. 326 00:15:26,080 --> 00:15:28,100 I would fuck every character on "Society of Tomorrow." 327 00:15:28,110 --> 00:15:29,400 - Yeah, same here! - Mm-hmm! 328 00:15:29,410 --> 00:15:31,139 It's like they make them so hot. 329 00:15:31,140 --> 00:15:33,170 - So hot. - Yeah. 330 00:15:34,380 --> 00:15:36,180 Notice anything different about me? 331 00:15:36,550 --> 00:15:38,110 Not really. 332 00:15:38,220 --> 00:15:40,010 My lashes? 333 00:15:40,020 --> 00:15:42,140 They're a little clumpy. 334 00:15:42,690 --> 00:15:44,519 I guess I'm used to you with makeup now. 335 00:15:44,520 --> 00:15:46,719 There's no going back! 336 00:15:46,720 --> 00:15:49,089 I mean, it's like they oversexualize everybody. 337 00:15:49,090 --> 00:15:50,759 - I love it! - I do love it. 338 00:15:50,760 --> 00:15:52,640 That bald little bitch! 339 00:15:52,720 --> 00:15:54,629 Whoa, Kate, take it easy. 340 00:15:54,630 --> 00:15:57,280 No, I've been talking like a fucking toddler all week! 341 00:15:57,730 --> 00:15:59,530 No wonder he wanted me to take over male makeup. 342 00:15:59,540 --> 00:16:01,699 These focus-group results are terrible. 343 00:16:01,700 --> 00:16:03,369 I still believe in this idea. 344 00:16:03,370 --> 00:16:04,840 We just need a new angle. 345 00:16:05,020 --> 00:16:07,679 Your mistake is you've been underestimating 346 00:16:07,680 --> 00:16:10,160 how insecure men are. 347 00:16:10,260 --> 00:16:12,860 It's the same mistake I've made my entire life. 348 00:16:18,240 --> 00:16:19,920 - _ - Shh. 349 00:16:34,200 --> 00:16:35,300 Shit! 350 00:16:51,590 --> 00:16:53,420 Hold the elevator. 351 00:16:54,520 --> 00:16:57,110 - Whew. - Matt, you okay? 352 00:16:57,120 --> 00:16:59,230 You look tired. 353 00:17:06,800 --> 00:17:08,220 My makeup! 354 00:17:08,300 --> 00:17:11,960 He's never been turned down for a promotion 355 00:17:12,020 --> 00:17:14,060 or a date. 356 00:17:14,580 --> 00:17:16,600 He looks good, 357 00:17:16,640 --> 00:17:19,900 and he looks like he doesn't care. 358 00:17:20,180 --> 00:17:23,500 He's everything a man should be 359 00:17:23,540 --> 00:17:27,800 plus a little more. 360 00:17:28,160 --> 00:17:31,600 How does he do it? 361 00:17:31,620 --> 00:17:34,790 ? Baby ? 362 00:17:37,180 --> 00:17:38,440 ? Baby ? 363 00:17:38,470 --> 00:17:40,400 It's my little secret. 364 00:17:40,470 --> 00:17:42,599 No one has to know... 365 00:17:42,600 --> 00:17:44,839 - Shh. - ? Baby ? 366 00:17:44,840 --> 00:17:46,670 Thanks for coming back in. 367 00:17:46,770 --> 00:17:49,139 We'd love your thoughts on My Little Secret, 368 00:17:49,140 --> 00:17:51,909 but this time, we're doing an anonymous survey. 369 00:17:51,910 --> 00:17:53,800 You do not have to write your name, 370 00:17:53,860 --> 00:17:58,080 and no other man will ever know what you wrote. 371 00:17:58,690 --> 00:18:00,420 ? Baby ? 372 00:18:00,440 --> 00:18:03,520 Shh. 373 00:18:08,200 --> 00:18:09,820 Grace? 374 00:18:12,170 --> 00:18:14,869 Come on. Daddy-O needs his makeup. 375 00:18:14,870 --> 00:18:18,240 Yes. 376 00:18:19,060 --> 00:18:20,760 Well, well, well. 377 00:18:20,840 --> 00:18:22,739 If it isn't a dirty raccoon 378 00:18:22,740 --> 00:18:26,860 caught rifling through some nasty garbage. 379 00:18:27,180 --> 00:18:29,980 I'm sorry I rummaged through your stuff, Grace. 380 00:18:30,180 --> 00:18:32,380 It's just really exhausting 381 00:18:32,390 --> 00:18:34,319 to have to look my best every day. 382 00:18:34,320 --> 00:18:37,289 You can stop wearing makeup any time you want. 383 00:18:37,290 --> 00:18:38,989 But then I'll look like shit. 384 00:18:38,990 --> 00:18:41,840 Yeah, but then people will get used to you looking like shit, 385 00:18:41,880 --> 00:18:44,740 and then nobody will care because you're a guy. 386 00:18:44,780 --> 00:18:46,840 So what you're saying is there's a double standard? 387 00:18:46,900 --> 00:18:49,280 - Exactly. - Between people like me, 388 00:18:49,320 --> 00:18:50,580 who are natural beauties, 389 00:18:50,620 --> 00:18:52,440 and people like you who aren't. 390 00:18:53,170 --> 00:18:54,200 Ah. 391 00:18:54,210 --> 00:18:56,040 You're prettier when you don't talk. 392 00:18:56,140 --> 00:18:57,739 Well, then I'd better keep my mouth shut 393 00:18:57,740 --> 00:18:59,980 because I want to go to the ball. 394 00:19:03,850 --> 00:19:06,600 Jake, are you nervous? 395 00:19:06,640 --> 00:19:07,649 Well, this is my first time 396 00:19:07,650 --> 00:19:09,550 presenting directly to Christian. 397 00:19:09,560 --> 00:19:11,719 Look at me. 398 00:19:11,720 --> 00:19:14,289 There is nothing to worry about. 399 00:19:14,290 --> 00:19:18,080 The focus group results were off the charts. 400 00:19:18,260 --> 00:19:20,729 This is a slam dunk. 401 00:19:20,730 --> 00:19:22,799 But fix your blush. 402 00:19:22,800 --> 00:19:24,469 Your face is too wide. 403 00:19:24,470 --> 00:19:26,639 You should know that. 404 00:19:26,640 --> 00:19:28,540 Oh, you're right. 405 00:19:29,040 --> 00:19:31,860 Okay. Let's see what you've got. 406 00:19:33,520 --> 00:19:36,749 We all know men are insecure. 407 00:19:36,750 --> 00:19:39,270 But they're too insecure... 408 00:19:39,280 --> 00:19:42,149 I'm going to stop you right there. 409 00:19:42,150 --> 00:19:46,580 Men are not insecure. 410 00:19:46,640 --> 00:19:49,850 _ 411 00:19:51,930 --> 00:19:53,199 I agree. 412 00:19:53,200 --> 00:19:55,680 Men are definitely not insecure. 413 00:19:55,830 --> 00:19:57,930 - Great note, Christian. - Thank you, John. 414 00:19:57,940 --> 00:19:59,820 So, uh, what's the next idea? 415 00:20:03,270 --> 00:20:06,940 We all know brushing your teeth is a healthy habit. 416 00:20:07,040 --> 00:20:08,879 Well, my idea asks, 417 00:20:08,880 --> 00:20:13,000 "What if it were an uncontrollable addiction?" 418 00:20:13,120 --> 00:20:16,549 Introducing Nicotine Toothpaste. 419 00:20:16,550 --> 00:20:20,380 We'll have people brushing 20 times a day. 420 00:20:20,500 --> 00:20:22,320 Hmm. 421 00:20:22,380 --> 00:20:25,780 Well, it's, uh, not the most original idea. 422 00:20:26,660 --> 00:20:28,440 But... 423 00:20:28,540 --> 00:20:30,720 original ideas are rarely good. 424 00:20:31,500 --> 00:20:33,099 Okay, let's do it. 425 00:20:33,100 --> 00:20:34,969 - Nice work, John. - Thank you. 426 00:20:34,970 --> 00:20:37,839 Say, is anyone else hot in here? 427 00:20:37,840 --> 00:20:39,609 Oh, definitely. 428 00:20:39,610 --> 00:20:42,040 Kate, why don't you see about turning up the AC? 429 00:20:42,150 --> 00:20:43,349 Yes, sir. 430 00:20:43,350 --> 00:20:45,779 I'm off to another ZenCycle class. 431 00:20:45,780 --> 00:20:47,459 I simply cannot get enough. 432 00:20:56,790 --> 00:20:59,660 _ 433 00:20:59,691 --> 00:21:02,141 I actually have an addiction I've never really talked about. 434 00:21:02,148 --> 00:21:04,492 Uh, I'm addicted to eating earplugs. 435 00:21:04,551 --> 00:21:06,672 - Fascinating. - It's weird, but you remember 436 00:21:06,703 --> 00:21:07,883 that woman who ate her own couch? 437 00:21:07,914 --> 00:21:08,984 - Yes, we do. - Start to finish? 438 00:21:09,000 --> 00:21:10,008 Well, it's a similar kind of thing, 439 00:21:10,039 --> 00:21:11,867 but with silicone earplugs. 440 00:21:11,898 --> 00:21:12,992 Cotton will not do it for me. 441 00:21:13,023 --> 00:21:14,703 - Has to be silicone? - Got to be silicone.